When something good happens to you, do you ever think, “Maybe they made a mistake”?

Do you start doubting yourself or your worthiness?

If you’re nodding your head, this episode is for you because I’m talking about imposter syndrome, how to navigate it, and how to boost your confidence.

Imposter syndrome is fresh in my mind as I ran into it writing my newest book, Too Much: A Guide to High-Functioning Codependency. I hope hearing about my experience can normalize it for you and give you some ideas on how to deal with it.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

The American Psychological Association refers to imposter syndrome as the imposter phenomenon, defining it as “the situation in which highly accomplished, successful individuals paradoxically believe they are frauds who ultimately will fail and be unmasked as incompetent.”¹

Here’s a hypothetical situation to illustrate it:

Let’s say you get a promotion or get invited into a coveted group, something you’ve really wanted, and your excitement immediately gives way to fearful thoughts.

Maybe there was a mistake, you think. They probably confused me with someone else who’s much more qualified. 

As time goes on, you might think, It’s only a matter of time before I’m found out! 

This is imposter syndrome in action.

These fears and doubts often lead to feelings of anxiety and depression because they scratch away at our professional confidence. It can even lead to career burnout.

If you’ve had these types of thoughts, you’re not alone.

With my therapy clients, I’ve noticed it usually appears when something good happens and they’re too afraid to believe it. While it shows up most often in our professional lives, it can also occur in relationships and dating, too.

It’s important to note that imposter syndrome happens in moments of elevation and expansion.

If you constantly struggle with being “found out,” please consider seeking help, as this shouldn’t be a state you’re in all the time. If it is, something else might be going on. I have a list of free mental health resources you can check out here and a guide on how to find the right therapist for you here.

My Experiences With Imposter Syndrome

As I was writing Too Much, I had an intense imposter syndrome experience.

The book is about high-functioning codependency, a term I coined when I found that my therapy clients didn’t see themselves in the typical definition of codependency: enabling an alcoholic, being weak, and depending on others.

Their behavior was codependent, but not in this context, so I expanded on the definition of codependency.

I saw high-functioning codependency as being overly invested in the feeling states, outcomes, relationships, finances, and careers of the people in your life to the detriment of your own internal peace.

This definition resonated with my clients. Seeing themselves in it paved the way for them to do the necessary work to get into recovery from high-functioning codependency.

Even though this concept had greatly helped my clients, and I knew it could help others, fear still crept in.

Who was I to expand on a well-established psychological definition? (Even though codependency isn’t in the DSM-5, it’s a well-known term.) What would my peers think?

Beyond that, writing a book is HARD. It’s like trying to chisel an enormous block of stone into something beautiful that also makes sense.

Yes, I had written Boundary Boss and The Boundary Boss Workbook, but this felt different and more threatening.

I had a similar experience with imposter syndrome in 2011 when my pal Kris Carr and I were selected to be part of an Italian ELLE campaign. They wanted to photograph women changing the face of healing.

I remember walking down to the photo shoot and thinking my inclusion was a mistake. I knew my work was great, but I had just begun my public career.

Before going on set, I went into a cafe and did two things: I made a list of all my accomplishments and did breathing exercises for five minutes.

The list was evidence of my strength- the hard things I had done that I was proud of. Reviewing it helped me realize being included in this photo shoot wasn’t an accident. I went into it feeling grateful for the opportunity and had a great time.

If you want help creating a “brag” list for yourself, download the guide.

Imposter Syndrome is Common

Sometimes, knowing we’re not alone in feeling like an imposter can help.

Whenever I’m experiencing anything, I like to look up stories of other people, celebrities, or even well-known therapists to see if they’ve gone through something similar.

The answer is usually yes.

In the case of imposter syndrome, we’re in amazing company:

Mike Meyers has said, “I still believe that at any time, the no-talent police will come and arrest me.”

Pulitzer-prize-winning nominee Maya Angelou and actresses Tina Fey and friggin’ Meryl Streep have also identified with feeling this way.

Over the last 27 years of being a therapist, I’ve also seen countless clients struggle with this.

My husband, a well-respected and successful artist, navigates imposter syndrome, too. There are moments when he struggles and moments when he’s happy with his work.

When he’s struggling, I watch him and think, how many lifetime achievement awards or magazine covers do you need to feel worthy? His talent and accomplishments are so glaringly obvious to me, but not to him when he is feeling that way. 

Strategies to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

If some of the most talented people feel like frauds, it seems like imposter syndrome is just part of the human condition. But instead of giving in to it, we can prepare ourselves for when it hits.

As I mentioned, I love the idea of creating a “brag list” and naming accomplishments you’re proud of. You can review this list when imposter syndrome strikes to feel confident, capable, and resilient.

If you’re a perfectionist or hypercritical of yourself, a brag list can also shift your focus from the 2% that went wrong to what went right. What we put our attention on grows.

You might be thinking, bragging about myself feels wrong!

I get it. If you were raised to have massive amounts of humility or were shamed for feeling good about your accomplishments, it may feel self-indulgent to brag about yourself.

While some humility is good, we also have to know our strengths. We can be proud of the good work we do in the world and be humble.

The second strategy I recommend is searching the internet for something like “celebrities experiencing imposter syndrome.” Again, knowing that you’re not alone can normalize this experience.

It blew me away to see Meryl Streep quoted as saying, “You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?’” I think she’s one of the most phenomenal actresses of any generation, but even she’s not immune to this.

My third suggestion is to learn to accept compliments. When you do, you can feel legitimately masterful at what you’re doing.

When you reject compliments, you minimize your work and reinforce feeling like an imposter.

Instead of brushing someone off when they say, “That was amazing, I loved it!,” practice saying, “Thank you, I worked hard on it. It makes me feel good to hear you say that.”

For more tips on creating a list of accomplishments and how to navigate feeling like an imposter, download the guide.

Let me know in the comments or on Instagram (@terricole): have you felt like an imposter before? How have you navigated this? Which tip will you try? Do you have a hard time accepting compliments? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an amazing week, boosting your self-confidence, and as always, take care of you.

¹https://dictionary.apa.org/impostor-phenomenon