Are you running on empty? Are you so depleted that you’ve found yourself pulling back from your relationships and the things that used to inspire you? 

If you feel desperate to replenish yourself in some way and you could use some tips, then this episode is for you. 

In today’s video, you’ll learn the difference between being stressed and burned out (‘cause they’re not the same), how to pinpoint what drains you the most, and 3 strategies to help you bounce back from burnout.  

Watch it here now. 

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

What is burnout? It’s the physical, emotional, and mental repercussions of complete exhaustion, usually from excessive and prolonged stress. Burnout is different from the normal levels of day-to-day stress.

Burnout can render us overwhelmed and emotionally unable to meet the constant demands of our environment. We can experience feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, resentment, and cynicism. 

Similar to depression, when you’re burned out, you might feel there is no value in what you’re doing and find yourself often thinking, “What’s the point”? The things that used to bring you joy no longer do so. 

I know many of us can relate to these feelings and to better understand them, we need to reflect on what we have all experienced for the past two years. 

There has been a seemingly unending demand on many of us, especially if you are the primary caregiver for kids, for an aging parent or family member, if you’ve had changes in your job or career, and/or if you’ve experienced loss, illness, or trauma.

We have all had to pivot so much because of the pandemic. We are still pivoting, and a lot of bandwidth is required to deal with change. Our normal routines, well-ingrained in our neural pathways had to be abandoned and new pathways had to be forged…and that zaps a lot of energy. 

I’ve heard from many of my friends, colleagues, and clients how trying to balance working and homeschooling felt like they were failing at everything. No matter how much work they did, there was no way to succeed in the situation they were in. 

Feeling like a failure without reprieve can be incredibly depressing, depleting, and lead to burnout. It can impact everything in your life, from your career to your relationships to your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.

It is important to understand the difference between burnout and being stressed out. Stress can lead to anxiety while burnout can lead to depression. 

When you’re stressed, your emotions are highly activated. Your adrenals fire on overload and expend a lot of energy, which can take a physical toll on you, and over time, can shorten your lifespan.

Stress has an urgency that can propel us forward into hyperactivity, while burnout gravitates towards helplessness and loss of motivation.  Burnout takes a bigger emotional toll and is detrimental to the quality of your life. 

When you’re burned out, you might feel disengaged or even numb. In therapy, we call these “blunted” emotions. Things that used to feel sharp get kind of rounded. Burnout can feel like a malaise of exhaustion, low-grade negativity, and hopelessness

When you’re stressed, you might speed up to finish all the things on your to-do list, but when you’re burnt out you disengage and detach. You want to put distance between you and other people and between you and projects. 

I definitely felt this way at different points during the pandemic. I was exhausted from writing and promoting the book in almost total isolation all while my mother was going through treatment for cancer. During Covid.

At the time, I thought I was just stressed, but looking back with new awareness, I can see the symptoms I was experiencing point to burnout. I barely interacted with anyone except my family. For the first time in my life, I found myself on the phone with my sister one day saying, “What’s the point of all this?” 

So if you are feeling this way, just know, there are things you can do to feel better and bounce back. 

If you are burned out or have been in the past, here are a few strategies to fill up your own tank so you don’t find yourself in this position again:

1. Become a Boundary Boss

Becoming a Boundary Boss will help you proactively protect your time and energy. If you are experiencing burnout, you cannot overextend yourself. 

Learning how to say no is a skill and takes practice. The first step is to stop the “auto-yes”. Saying yes to things you don’t really want to do or don’t have the capacity for is the result of lifelong conditioning. 

You owe no one your immediate yes—or even your delayed yes. A pause and then a simple “I’d like to think about it” can be a useful response. 

A boundary boss knows she has the right to say no. She has the right to change her mind. 

Buying yourself some time interrupts the ingrained pattern, which helps create space to think about what you really want and how you really feel. Try it!

2. Create Your Zen Den (and use it!)

Your Zen Den is an external sacred space. Taking the time to create a special place just for you will remind you to tend to your internal sacred space. 

You will use this space to take care of yourself. Your Zen Den is where you can go to journal for self-reflection, do mindful breathing techniques, meditate, or just rest. 

Part of making a sacred space for yourself is putting it on your calendar and setting yourself a reminder. Taking just 5 minutes a day (or more!) to go to your Zen Den, light a candle, get out a delicious smelling essential oil, and breathe deeply, can make a big difference in your internal experience. 

Consider this your time and space to fill up your gas tank. You have the right to prioritize your self-care without feeling selfish.

3. Help Others

While it may seem counterintuitive to help others if you are already feeling burnout, small, manageable acts of kindness can help us get out of our own heads (as long as we aren’t doing them at the expense of ourselves). 

It is amazing how making a practice of contributing to the wellbeing of others can replenish our own sense of wellbeing. It can be as simple as taking the time to write a note of gratitude to a teacher, a neighbor, or a friend. 

As you continue to fill your own tank, you can help more and more. Visit with an elderly neighbor, finally drop those donations off at your Goodwill, or volunteer at your local community center. Truly, helping those in need is a win-win.

Are you burned out or stressed out? Take the burnout inventory inside this week’s guide with questions to help you identify what’s draining the crap outta you. Be sure to download it right here. 

Listen, no matter what life throws at us, we need to be able to take care of ourselves. I hope you enjoyed this episode and if you set up your Zen Den take a picture and tag me on Instagram @terricole! I would love to see it! 

I hope you have a beautiful week taking steps to replenish yourself, and as always, take care of you.