What You Want in Life

Do you feel frustrated or unsatisfied with life?

Do you want more success? More abundance?

Are there situations or relationships you wish would change?

To be in a better (or different) relationship?

Then this episode is for you. I am walking you through the six-step process I personally use to intentionally create what I want in my life on an ongoing basis. These are the same six steps I teach my therapy clients and students.

Anyone can follow this process because it is all about harnessing the mind-blowing power of your own intention to create what you want in life with mindfulness (and action!).

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Step 1: Take a Satisfaction Inventory

Before we can figure out what we need to create, we need to know where we are unsatisfied.

Many of my therapy clients come to me feeling unsatisfied, but they aren’t sure why they feel this way.

To create what you want, you have to be crystal clear about what you don’t want and what isn’t working.

To gain clarity, I invite you to take a satisfaction inventory (which is in the guide for this episode- download it here).

Go through all the main areas of your life (health and wellness, finances, work, romance, family, etc.) and see where you are unsatisfied and what is not working in those areas.

Off the top of your head, do you know where you feel less than fulfilled?

What does not light you up? What isn’t your thing? What are your deal-breakers? What simply does not work for you, and what are you willing to do about it?

Maybe you know you are in the wrong relationship, even though nothing is ‘wrong’ with your partner. Deep down in your heart, you just know they are not your person.

Many of us have been in this situation before. It feels terrible, right? When this happened to me, I felt like a horrible person and like I needed a concrete reason to end the relationship. It would have been much easier had the person been a jerk.

But the truth is, there does not have to be anything ‘wrong’ with the other person for them to be wrong for you.

Step 2: Admit To What You Want

When you realize where you are unsatisfied in life, you can then begin to admit what you want.

Think about a year, five years from now. How do you want your life to look? What are you doing on a daily basis? What are you surrounded by? Where are you living? Who is in your life? How do you spend your time? How much money do you make?

As my friend davidji says, we don’t want to just get up, grind through the day, drop, get up, and do it all over again. We have to be mindful in these pursuits. We need to have a certain level of self-awareness and self-reflection about how we actually feel and what we want.

Maybe you’d like to go back to school. Maybe you want to switch careers. Or maybe you want to leave your unfulfilling relationship.

You do not have to make these changes, even if you realize you are unsatisfied. But it is important to know and admit to what you want for yourself.

Step 3: Are You Willing To Do What It Takes?

Once you figure out what you might want, you must ask yourself, are you willing to do what it takes?

There were many reasons I hesitated to leave my job as a talent agent to become a therapist. I was masterful, making a lot of money, and it was kind of a shiny career because it revolved around celebrities and supermodels.

While I could admit I was not happy in the business anymore, a few years went by before the pain of staying in an unsatisfying career became greater than my fear of leaving.

At this point, I had to make the assessment: was I willing to do what was required for me to become a therapist? Was I willing to work full-time, go to grad school, and live on my own in New York City?

The answer was yes, even though it was difficult. (I had $900 in the bank when I went to grad school because I was not exactly fiscally responsible.🤣) I also knew I would land on my feet because I always do. I knew I would find a way to make it work.

As my friend Marie Forleo says about money, “There is always more where that came from.” While I was not great at managing money, I was adept at making money and working hard.

However, I would not have become a therapist had I been unwilling to go to grad school.

Don’t get me wrong- it was terrifying. I had not been in college in almost a decade, and I had gone to a fairly average undergrad school. When I was accepted at NYU, I knew I had to go. I was willing to figure it out.

The question is: are you willing to figure it out?

Let’s return to the example of knowing you are in the wrong relationship.

If this is your situation, let this episode be the power pivot in your life. Give yourself permission to want what you want, even if it is to be alone.

You do not have to suffer.

Yes, the other person will be sad, but they will make it through. We are talking about your one and only life. You cannot sacrifice it for someone else’s happiness or prioritize what someone else wants above what you want. What you want matters.

If you need to get out of a relationship, if you are no longer in love with your partner, if you have tried to make it work and it just isn’t- please give yourself permission to make an exit plan because you have the right to be happy.

(Note: if you are in a dangerous or abusive relationship, please read this blog on how to safely leave first.)

If you have been looking for the sign you need to leave, let this be the sign.

What you want, how you feel, what you think, your heart’s desire- these all matter. And they need to matter to you more than anyone else’s heart’s desire if you want to live your life in a real, authentic way.

Step 4: Creative Visualization

Once you do the first couple of steps, you should be able to start visualizing your life.

When I was switching careers, I visualized myself in my own therapy office, being booked, even though I only had one client (who came with me from my internship).

Every night, I visualized having a full schedule. I visualized having more than one office. I visualized having sub-therapists underneath me.

All of these things eventually happened in my career, but I needed to see them to know the direction I wanted to travel in.

I did not know how I would get there, but I had the vision.

It is like the Martin Luther King quote, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

When you visualize, by the way, you don’t just see the thing, you see it and you feel the feelings of already having it.

You may think this sounds weird, but trust me, it is important. There is something magical about feeling the feelings.

I hesitate to say “magic” or “manifest” because I do not normally talk about these things, but honestly, I consistently use creative visualization to achieve the things I want in my life. And creative visualization includes feeling the feelings of having what I want long before I actually have it.

All of this will be in the guide, which you can download here.

Step 5: Break It Down Into Actionable Steps

Break your goals down into actionable steps and commit to doing at least one thing every day to get closer to your goals. (One thing besides visualizing and feeling the feelings.)

Then, put those tasks on your calendar. Specifying a date makes a difference.

When I interviewed my pal Josselyne Herman-Saccio, we talked about the mystical “someday” most people never reach. If you find yourself saying, “Someday, I will…,” then you need a plan. It does not have to be exact, you just need to go in the right direction.

Look at what you need to do- if it is leaving a relationship, think about your timing. Think about where you are intertwined with this person and where you can slowly but surely make moves within yourself before you say anything.

If the only thing you ascertained from your satisfaction inventory is being unsatisfied, and you aren’t 100% sure the relationship is done, you still need to take action because things only change when you do.

If we do the same crap every day, we end up with the same results, right? When we want a different result, we need to take a different tact. Commit to having a difficult conversation about how you feel, or suggest going to couples therapy.

Step 6: Rock Gratitude Like It’s Your Job

I want you to actively rock gratitude for what you already have like it is your friggin’ job.

Most of us overestimate how grateful we are, but I can promise you- daily gratitude, nightly gratitude, verbalizing it with my husband, writing in my journal, finding things to be grateful for left and right- this is my job in life.

There are many things to be grateful for, and when I am in this energy, the vibration of gratitude, good things happen. I am open. I begin seeing synchro-tastic happenings in my life. (Or, as Deepak Chopra would say, meaningful coincidences.)

Mindfulness practices help me stay in gratitude because they slow everything down.

For meditation, I am a big fan of Insight Timer* (and I have a bunch of free meditations on there as well). For breathwork, I love my friend Sam Skelly’s app, Pause Breathwork. (It’s only available on iOS at the moment.)

Gratitude itself can change your mood and I swear, the level of gratitude I have on a daily basis changes what happens in my life.

Flex your gratitude muscle every single solitary day because it is the biggest game changer of all.

I hope this six-step process I use to get more of what I want in life helps you get more in life. Please download the guide for all of the steps, resources, and ideas I have for you, and let me know if you were inspired by this. Take a screenshot of the blog, tag me on Instagram (@terricole), and I will repost it. I love knowing we are together and that what I am doing is making a difference in your life.

I hope you have the most amazing week getting clarity on what you want in life and going for it, and as always, take care of you.

* This is an affiliate link for Insight Timer, which means I receive a commission if you sign up, but I only recommend products and services I trust.

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