Does the word “manifest” sound like magical thinking to you?
Or does it remind you of the movie, The Secret, where all you need to do is think about something, and *poof,* it appears right in front of you?
Or perhaps “visualizing” what you want has never made sense to you in the first place.
I get it. Even though I teach people how to get what they want in life, I stay away from the word “manifesting” because I feel like it has been used and abused.
If you feel the same and want to know how to take real steps toward getting what you want in life, with real results, this episode is for you. Inside, you’ll find a simple three-step process for going after and getting what you want in life.
Prefer the audio? Listen here.
How Do I Get What I Want in Life?
There are many reasons why some people are good at getting what they want in life, while some people are not.
If you have trouble getting what you want, ask yourself this question: are you more comfortable wanting than you are having?
Sit with this and let it settle.
What are the internal stories you tell yourself?
Do you have limiting ideas about your capabilities or worthiness?
Many of these stories can be traced back to childhood. For example, were you “The Pretty One” while your sister was “The Smart One”? Do you feel like there’s a limit to your success because your value is in your looks?
One of my past clients felt this way. She had placed a glass ceiling on her level of success in the corporate world because she believed what she heard in childhood: her value was in her looks.
She was beautiful, but looks are fleeting. You need something more substantial to create what you want in life, like the mind-blowing power of your own intention.
Step 1: Get Specific About What You Want & Visualize It
Do you know what you want in life?
Think about it. Get specific and visualize it.
Visualizing something doesn’t mean simply thinking about something happening. You also need to feel it.
Feeling is an important aspect of creating anything, and you can feel things even if you haven’t experienced them before.
Clients used to ask me, “I’ve never been in love. How can I feel the feelings of being in love?”
If you are struggling with this, I want you to imagine what being in love feels like. You can conjure feelings of acceptance, respect, mutuality, or being desired. You can imagine these feelings even if you haven’t experienced them. Be as detailed as possible when imagining them, too.
Years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, I was convinced I wanted to be bi-coastal. My high-profile clients lived in L.A. and NYC, and I imagined myself getting off the plane at LAX, picking up my rental, and driving to Beverly Hills on a monthly basis. This visualization wasn’t obsessive, but it made sense given I had multiple clients in L.A.
Around a year into those therapeutically-designed coaching relationships, those clients paid me to live in L.A. 5-7 days a month.
And when I didn’t want to be bi-coastal anymore, I visualized having my robust practice from the comfort of my couch because I wanted to be home more.
As my intention and desire changed, so did my visualization.
We are not talking about magical thinking because you need to take action as well, but we need to know what we want and create a visualization practice with feeling before we can act intentionally.
Once you know what you want, you need to keep it at the front of your mind. When I wanted to be bi-coastal, I used sticky notes as visualization reminders. One note simply said “New York to L.A., L.A. to New York.”
If you are not sure what you want or where to start with this process, download the guide for ideas and questions to consider.
Step 2: Speak It Into Being
We cannot keep our greatest heart’s desires a secret – from ourselves, or from others.
About a decade before I wrote and published Boundary Boss, I told people I was writing a book, and I was. There were many incarnations of the book and it didn’t happen until it was the right book. I couldn’t have visualized Boundary Boss until I taught about boundaries in earnest. The book topic became obvious when I saw people’s lives transform and then I visualized the crap out of it.
One of the people who helped me visualize was Wayne Dyer. When he was still on this earthly plane, he told me to get the cover of the book and put it in front of me while writing. I was to visualize the book selling well and helping all the people I wanted to help.
At first, I felt silly. Wait, I’m making a cover for a fake book that does not exist? No. I was creating the book so it would come into the world and exist. This act of visualizing and speaking it into being was powerful.
When speaking what you want into existence, be mindful of your words. We often negate our dreams with limiting language and fear: “Well, if I get a new job, then…” rather than, “When I’m in my new job, this is how it will be.” Remember, if you want a new job, feel the feelings of this job.
Of course, as my pal Mike Dooley would say, you have to take steps every day toward your dreams. You cannot separate “manifesting” or visualizing what you want from being proactive in going after it.
If you need help visualizing with feeling, download the guide here for journal prompts to help you dive deeper.
Step 3: Commit + Take Action
Once you are specific about what you want, feel the feelings of having it, and talk about it in a positive way, then you have to commit to figuring out your action steps.
When I want to do something new, I find people in my industry who are already doing it. I follow them on Instagram, support them, and see myself doing what they are doing in the way I would do it.
I am not coveting what they have, and I don’t want to take it away from them. I just also want it for myself.
I learned this strategy from my pal Selena Soo years ago. The point isn’t about following people and asking them to tell you how they did it. The point is to immerse yourself in their world and support the good work they do. It’s to be of service to these people because, in a way, you are being mentored by them without them even knowing it. It’s like a karmic exchange.
You can find a ton of inspiration online for what it is you want to do. Maybe you want a great relationship. You can find people with great relationships online – I’m one of them! I talk about my relationship all the time. I also speak about my not-so-great past relationships and what changed in my life to get into the position to even recognize Vic as my person.
No matter what you want, personal or professional, there are millions of people out there doing it and doing it well. You might have to sift through people whose methods don’t align with your values, but you can find your people out there.
By the way, the hero’s journey and dark night of the soul tell us we need to go where there is no path, but you know what is helpful? Looking at other people’s paths. This does not mean someone else’s path will be exactly right for you, but it’s evidence other people are doing what we want to do.
Visualization in the Action Stage
Maybe you have a list of three things you want to create. Morning and night, see yourself doing those things. Feel the feelings. And in your waking hours, please meditate.
Meditation, at least for me, is an incredibly important part of my personal success and that of my clients.
Why did I become a certified meditation teacher from my teacher, davidji? Because meditation transformed my life enough to where I believed I could not help my therapy and coaching clients if they had no internal stillness and silence. We need space.
I believe this is true for visualizing and getting what you want in life, too. It isn’t all forward motion like, “muscling through.” I used to think my ambition was the only thing I needed. But there was more to it.
Meditation is almost like a soft science of allowing and creating internal space. What you think about, you bring about, as long as you are also willing to move your ass and do what you need to do.
If you need a starting point, go to my profile on Insight Timer. I have over 20 free meditations, and you can find thousands more on the platform. It’s an unbelievable value. (I’m not an affiliate, I just love Insight Timer!)
And if you are also interested in becoming a meditation teacher, you can learn from my teacher, Davidji, in his Masters of Wisdom & Meditation Teacher Training.
Join Me for a Vision Board Course
I am excited to announce I am collaborating with one of my besties, Lara Riggio, on a vision board course. Lara is leading the course and I am jumping in to talk about the internal aspect of vision boarding. We will help you discover what you really want in life, and Lara will walk you through the process exactly as I laid it out here.
If you want to join us or find out all the details, click here. You will get the tools and inspiration to follow through on achieving your goals in 2023. It’s a six-week experience and I cannot wait to dive in with you!
I hope I lit a fire under your butt to get what you want this year, and as always, take care of you.