Real Love Revolution season is in full swing, my people, and that means I’ll be teaching all month long about how to raise your love vibe and create vibrant, lasting love in your life!
One of the foundational pieces of my body of work on healthy love is the love blueprint. Your love blueprint contains information to help you understand the conscious and unconscious ways you currently relate to love.
This learned behavior is not your fault, but understanding it now is your responsibility– especially if you want to make changes in your love life. The exciting news is with the right tools and guidance, you absolutely have the power to rewrite your love blueprint.
In today’s video, I’m going to teach you how to uncover your downloaded love blueprint!
The way you relate to love is influenced by what you learned growing up, including how you were raised, what you observed in your family of origin, and the societal norms of your greater culture.
You can visualize your downloaded love blueprint as an architectural blueprint for a house someone else designed decades, maybe even centuries ago. If this blueprint, which has data and paradigms around how you operate in love and relationships goes unrevealed, it can turn into your reality– whether or not it is aligned with what you want.
Raising your awareness of your downloaded love blueprint is the first step to creating a new love blueprint of your design. This work isn’t for the faint of heart, but I promise you, it is SO worth it. Many of my clients and thousands of my students find this process to be liberating because unpacking this information can allow you to live a more self-determined life.
You are not your inherited beliefs or the learned behaviors of your childhood, but if you don’t take the time to bring this information up from the basement of your mind, it could very well be driving your current beliefs and behaviors (and a lot of the time, not in a good way).
Inside this week’s guide, I’m giving you a questionnaire to help you uncover and get more clarity around your downloaded love blueprint.
To get a quick snapshot, ask yourself how your parental impactors (people who raised you) related to love? When you were growing up, did you witness a love relationship?
How did it make you feel? Did you think, “Yes, I want that,” or… was it more like… “No. Effing. Way.”? Somewhere in between?
For me, looking at my parents’ relationship, it was a definite, “No, thank you.” They were high school sweethearts. My mom worked for 2 years at a factory to save for her college tuition, then got pregnant after her first semester and had to drop out. My parents got married in the back office of a Methodist Church. (Not exactly romantic but my mom did look dope in her fitted skirt suit and little pillbox hat. Very Jackie O!)
Their marriage was very traditional as far as gender roles and responsibilities. My sisters and I were solely my mom’s responsibility. My dad made the money, so he had all the power. He was standoffish and chilly and my sisters and I could tell my mother was afraid of him, so we were too. He wasn’t physically abusive, but the relationship was straight-up dysfunctional. We spent years walking around on eggshells and staying out of his way. Before my parent’s divorce when I was 13, I estimate that I spoke a total of 50 words to my dad. No exaggeration.
And…not exactly my dream life scenario when I thought about what I wanted for my own life. No wonder I never dreamt of a big, white wedding dress. Love was this weird, confusing thing to me, especially because I was naturally such a lover and affectionate person. I just couldn’t figure it out.
In my younger years, I was in relationships where I didn’t really feel satisfied or the guys I dated were warm, verbal, and affectionate (unlike my father) BUT lived long distances and were actually unavailable (just like my father). Deep down, there was a part of me that was drawn to that unavailability because it was familiar.
Growing up, my mother sent covert and overt messages to my sisters and me to get an education and make our own money so love could be a choice and not a need. She didn’t want what she experienced for us. I learned men were people to be managed because that is the dynamic I saw with my mom and dad.
Once I got into therapy, I was finally able to make a power pivot in my love life because I began to uncover and understand why I was relating to love the way I was. Just because long-lasting love didn’t pan out for my parents didn’t mean I couldn’t create it in my own life. When I was able to shift those unconscious beliefs and stories around love, my love “luck” shifted almost immediately.
I learned how to own what I wanted, which was a person I didn’t have to manage. I wanted a true partner, a lover, a best friend, and a true ally. Within 6 months of this experience and the process of discovering my downloaded love blueprint, I met Vic, my husband. We’ve been together almost 25 years now, but when I think back on how he sort of waltzed into my life when I did the therapeutic work and my love vibes changed, it still lights me up ?. But it wasn’t magic. It was psychology.
This passion is the reason I created my signature course, Real Love Revolution because if I could do this, you can too if healthy, vibrant, lasting love is what your heart desires. I truly believe anyone can attract and create epic love through the power of deep self-understanding and self-mastery.
Inside the guide (which you can download right here), I am giving you everything you need to start to get a full picture of your specific and unique downloaded love blueprint because there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love or life.
Bringing your awareness to how and why you relate to love the way you do will help you make conscious, mindful choices around what kind of relationship you want to create, whether you are single or partnered. Just know you are exactly the way you are for probably a thousand incredibly good reasons. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not broken.
And if you are ready to make changes, you need to understand yourself, honor the truth of your experiences and get clarity around what you want in love and in life. Awareness is the first step to any kind of transformation. You can do this.
Inside the course, I’ll spend 12 weeks walking you through the work in a very deep and intimate way and supporting you as you move into making the changes you want to make. You’ll learn how to finally prioritize how you feel and what you want because in order to create epic love in your life, you have to create an epic love relationship with yourself.
No one else can love you enough to fill the hole that only self-love can fill. Step-by-step, I will guide you through self-love in practice– from daily action steps to impeccable boundaries and effective communication skills. Real Love Revolution is all about learning how to fully integrate self-love as a new way of life because that is what creates an opening for epic love relationships.
(Class starts January 26th! I cannot WAIT to spend the next 3 months with you!)
I hope this episode added value to your life and lit you up about the possibilities of love! Please let me know what you discovered about your love blueprint in the comments or connect with me on Instagram @terricole. I read every single comment and I so appreciate you!
Have an amazing week, love yourself, and as always, take care of you.