How do you feel about New Year’s resolutions? 

Do you like them? Do they work for you?

Or… do you get to February and realize you’ve barely made progress on them? 

If you aren’t a fan of New Year’s resolutions, you are not alone. Only 8% of people keep their New Year’s resolutions, and nearly 80% fail by February. 

Not great odds. 

That’s why today’s episode contains a therapeutically designed process to help you unpack 2022, honor your experiences, and understand your growth so you have clarity on the changes you want to make for 2023. 

It’s my favorite sacred ritual to start the new year as it leaves me energized and clear about what’s ahead.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Why Are New Year’s Resolutions So Hard to Keep?

Before we get into the ritual, let’s talk about why, despite our best intentions, New Year’s Resolutions can be hard to keep.

From a therapeutic perspective, resolution setting is missing an essential piece: honest self-reflection.

For real lasting change to stick, we can’t create goals out of nowhere. Instead, we need to look back, assess, and find evidence of what’s working in our lives and what’s not. True transformation happens from a place of self-awareness and clarity. 

Setting New Year’s resolutions had failed me in the past, so I created a ritual based on therapeutic and psychological tools that support real transformation. I’m inviting you into this sacred New Year’s ritual to create the space, time, and luxury to self-reflect so you can align your choices with the changes you want to make. 

You can download the complete “What Crap Are You Leaving in 2022?” guide right here. It guides you through the entire process, step-by-step, from journal prompts to a ritual burning to release what you’re ready to let go of as you move into 2023.

I encourage you to make a date with yourself and put it on the calendar. Part of keeping this sacred is making time to honor your feelings and experiences of the past year. Set the scene for your ritual and get cozy in your zen den. Grab your favorite journal, a candle, some essential oils, a cozy blanket, and beverage, or some soothing music to inspire you. 

Step 1: Identify Your Peak Experiences from 2022

The first step of this ritual is to identify your peak experiences from 2022. Peak experiences are the most impactful moments of your year – they can be positive or negative.

My peak experience this year was traveling for three weeks after not traveling for three years. I went to L.A. where I visited friends, did a bunch of interviews, and attended Boundary Boss meetups with people in our crew. After L.A., I went to Miraval Spa in Arizona to host a Boundary Boss Weekend

To unpack this experience, I have to get honest about what was amazing, what was not as amazing, what I would do differently next time, and what I would keep the same. 

This step is so important because many of us have a tendency to “burn through the day, drop at night and get up and do it all over again,” as my friend, davidji, says. We need to allow ourselves space to reflect on our experiences. 

As you reflect, remember to be kind to yourself. It can be tempting, especially if you have perfectionistic tendencies, to focus on what you could have done better. But that is not what this ritual is about. It’s really about deeper self-understanding. 

Step 2: Brag About What You’re Proud Of

Our natural inclination to focus on the negative is why the second step in this process is to brag about yourself and celebrate! When you reflect on 2022, what are your proudest moments? 

Think about the things you did right or the things you survived. 

These things don’t have to be “accomplishment-oriented,” either. We all survived a lot of crap in the last two and a half years, and surviving – getting up and continuing to do the things we need to do every day – is certainly something to celebrate. 

Still stumped? Think about your resiliency, your strength, or the fact that you’re still here. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re reading this to create a better internal experience for yourself because you’re committed to growth and your own evolution. These are all things to celebrate. 

It’s important to slow down enough to celebrate your hard work, so luxuriate in this step. 

Step 3: What Are You Committed to Leaving in 2022?

Next, we move into the things you do not want to bring into 2023 with you. It’s time to get honest and discerning about the experiences, people, feelings, circumstances, and situations you want to release. 

Think of it as planting a stake in the ground and putting the universe on notice that something will change. 

Inside the guide, I give you different categories you can consider as you reflect on 2022 and all of the crap you don’t want to carry with you anymore. Here’s where you can download the “What Crap Are You Leaving in 2022?” ritual guide. 

One of the most crucial parts of this process is looking for gems in the crap, so to speak. 

I want to be clear: this isn’t about spiritually or emotionally bypassing the stuff that was tough this past year or trying to manufacture silver linings. From a psychological point of view, all of our experiences teach us something about ourselves, or about others. These are what I call the gems from the crap, and identifying them often helps us avoid repeating painful situations. 

Whether it’s mismanaging finances, being in relationships with unavailable people, or wanting to get healthy, joining the gym (and never going), many of us are prone to repeating painful situations. Year after year we wonder, “How the hell did I end up here again?” 

As Christine Langley Obaugh says, “We repeat what we do not repair.” Freud refers to this as repetition compulsion. Without therapeutic intervention, it’s almost like we repeat similar painful experiences because we are unconsciously seeking a different outcome. If we don’t learn from the gems from the crap stew, we’re most likely repeating what we did not repair. 

By the way, as you sift through the gems from the crap stew, you might feel inclined to blame others for what went wrong. This is natural, but we have to keep our 50% in mind during this process, even if the other person was a jerk or did something wrong. Sometimes our 50% is staying in a situation we’ve long outgrown and we’re either too loyal, insecure, or codependent to release ourselves. 

So get ready to dig through the crap stew for those gems of wisdom. I promise you, they are there, but you have to dig down and get your hands dirty. It is so worth it to get a better understanding of yourself.

Step 4: Think About What You Want in 2023

The last step is to think about what you DO want in 2023. So, what will you create? What would thrill you? What experiences do you desire? 

When you’re done with this annual ritual of what crap you are leaving in 2022, you will have processed the good, the bad, the ugly, the gems, and the lessons, so you can consciously create your 2023.

Can you see how this ritual is so much more effective than simply making a wish (which is the equivalent of a New Year’s resolution)? When you go through this therapeutically designed process, you hit all the things you need to hit to be in a better position to create the life, relationships, career, and abundance you want in 2023 because you’ve actually processed what didn’t work in 2022. 

I LOVE this ritual so much and I am so excited for you to give yourself the gift of going through this therapeutic process and creating your reality for this new year. 

If you’d like more support through the ritual, I did a guided workshop last year and it’s available right here. It’s a 90-minute comprehensive walk-through to help you make next year your best year yet!

I can’t wait to see what you create in 2023, so if you do this ritual, please share your pics with me on Instagram @terricole.

I hope you have an amazing week planning what will happen for you in 2023, and as always, take care of you.

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  1. Thank you, Terri. I had an past relationship restimulation occur today so strongly your re-set was very useful. I took some time to unpack and learn and decide what is best for me moving into 2023. Wishing you the best of the season.

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