ghosting

Welcome to Part Two of how to avoid the disappearing dating disaster known as ghosting and handle the emotional aftermath if it has happened to you. In this video, I am talking specifically about how to understand this experience and grow from it. So if you haven’t seen Part One from last week’s Real Love Revolution video, you’ll want to watch that first.

 

 

In this video, I cover:

  • How to protect yourself when dating
  • Recognizing (rather than ignoring) the signs of a ghoster
  • A healthy mindset to adopt after being ghosted (It doesn’t mean something is wrong with YOU!)
  • How to survive and learn from a ghosting experience

 
After last week’s video, many of you wrote in stating that you had been ghosted multiple times, some even from long-term partners. Each inquiry ended with a request for me to share what it means about you. Although it may feel natural to ask, “Why me? What did I do wrong?”, that is not an empowered line of questioning because it implies blame and fault. There may be unresolved, unconscious experiences around disappointment or abandonment that could be impacting who you’re attracting. Either way, when you are ghosted, it creates feelings of confusion, helplessness, pain and rejection which can be even more intense if you’ve been intimate or been in a relationship. That makes it feel personal in a different way. Since you cannot turn back the hands of time, the only productive option is to decide how you’ll respond, what you’ll make the experience mean and what wisdom you’ll take away.

Profile of a Ghoster & Your Part of the Dance

Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity at best and a full blown personality disorder at worst. Someone who has the capacity to just disappear is not emotionally solid. This could indicate an ability to compartmentalize (kind of like those people who have secret second families) or who see dating partners as pawns in the game of getting their desires fulfilled. Whatever the other person’s pathology, the empowered question for you is what signs did you ignore and how is being abandoned familiar to you? Answering these questions is a way to understand how you might be unconsciously attracting this experience into your life.
 
To learn more about how to bounce back from being ghosted AND how to grow from the experience, watch this week’s video and download the full Ghosting Checklist: Understanding Your Part by clicking at the bottom of the post. By doing this little exercise, you can gain clarity about any unconscious material that might be making you vulnerable. Ghosting is painful for everyone involved, so let’s all agree that we are going to treat each other with respect, like decent human beings even when it’s easier to run away! The more you know about yourself, the less likely you will be to fall victim to being ghosted.
 
Drop me a comment here on the blog and let me know what resonated with you after watching this video. Then head over to my YouTube Channel and SUBSCRIBE for free access to every Real Love Revolution video! Join the conversation with #RealLoveRevolution on social media and share the love!
 
And ladies, if you haven’t yet joined the Real Love Revolution waiting list to gain immediate access to our private FB group and receive a bundle of FREE gifts from me plus a monthly livestream Q&A on the last Friday of the month at 5PM ET, please click here to join us! 
 

Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!
And as always, take care of YOU.

 
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  1. Terri , you are such a wonderful gift.!!! Your Brilliance helps so many of us!! Thank you for all that you do ❤

  2. Im not sure this “ghosting” is specific to dating or romantic relationships only. I myself have purposely disappeared on friends and family …Ive also ran from what I thought were the sources of my stress, oppression and anxiety. Just packed 2 suitcases and flew to another state to start over. I knew no one in the city I chose. Ppl are doing “ghosting” bcuz their plates are full and others keep trying to add more. I just “ghosted” a guy a few weeks ago who was overly interested and that is putting it midly. Would blow up my fb page.. Talked on the phone a few times, then he wanted to call everyday. Anyway..I just saw him as a friend. I knew he was interested in more but no. I wasnt going there. No plans to date him. Anyway…I had no choice but to “ghost” him. He sends me a text relating to buying something illegal then follows it up with “oops..that was meant for another friend. Money to be made”. And to me, this guy was portraying a Christian lifestyle. I just stopped all communication.

    1. Laura,
      Honestly, ghosting is never necessary, unless communication is unsafe. Ghosting means cutting off all communication without a discussion or any warning (and in some abusive situations it is the only safe way). Of course you have the right to cut off all communication with anyone you so choose but in many situations short and kind communication will do the trick. Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you’re here.

  3. Dear Terri,

    first of all: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. This is so helpful. You are one of my mentors and helped me a lot to become who I am now. You gave me real positive power so that I coudl reactivate my own power! i am on my way to becoming the very best version of me and this journey feels so good!

    Thank you!

    Now I want to share a bit of my story / experience of being ghosted

    I experienced some kind of “serial ghosting” with my ex partner. He used to suddenly disappear for days, sometimes even weeks and then come back. When I started complaining he acted as if it were totally normal to do things like that in a relationship. He tried to even make me feel bad as if I am the one who made a huge mistake and totally over reacts.

    The last time he did that he diappeared for 3 weeks. In the meantime I came clear that I wanted to end this toxic relationship (it wasn’t the only “problem” we faced…I think it was some codependent behavior I had myself, maybe even a “narcicist-codependent”-story… ).

    When he came back I told him it is over and I don’t want this relationship going on any more. I did this on the telephone. The reason is, I knew how manipulative he could be and that I wasn’t strong enough to do it face to face as I knew I would surender… Not the best way to end a relationship, but given the circumstances, I am quite sure it was the best way for me.

    He did not understand it, tried to come back several times (although I told him to stop that did not accept it) until he then accepted as I kept ignoring his attempts of calling me in the middle of the night (drunk) or showing up midnight ringign the bell hoping I would let him into my apartment.

    This has been two years ago.

    It took me almost two years to get over this relationship. It were quite hard times. A lot of mental work to do! I know now for sure that it has a lot to do with me not feeling good enough in the past for a really good stable healthy relationship and a caring partner, and these are the reasosns why I chose someone like my ex partner in the past…A lot of things from my childhood and adolescence maybe and a blue print from my parents! Working on that.

    I never really did some thinking to come clear until 3 months ago. I just refused to think about the relationship and repressed al the memories because I was so afraid of all the negative thoughts. I even did refuse to grieve about the loss, I just repressed all. Not the best solution. But since 3 months I am working on that and a lot of other issues from the past. I have learned so much. I have lerarned to accept negative emotions (anger, grieve, being afraid, criying, etc). And I realized by releasing these negative emotions they came to the surface and they are ok. they are totally bearable. I feel so much better and they are so small compared to my positive emotions! I do all of this work together with a friend and we use a lot of books recommended by a psychotherapist to us.

    My ex partner found me again (I now live in another city) and wanted to talk. I agreed. I knew I had to see him again in order to come clear with my self as in the past I ignored all the things that happened and refused to come in contact with my true self…

    We met a few times, I realized I don’t want him anymore in my life and I am now really able to let him go. He again diasppearded out of the blue, ghosting me, again, but this time I am totally OK with it, because I am mentally strong now and realized I don’t need him in my life.

    I feel free. I have a lot of things to releaze and work with, but I am so positive, and I know where it leads (hint: a beautiful life)!

    By the way I have forgiven him. I used you mediation for that the one about forgivness. So poweerfull! I even feel a little bit thankful for him coming into my life. Without him and the meeting 3 months ago I would never have analysed my past my childhood etc. There is a reason for everytging that happens in life. For teh people you meet. They are there to teach you some lessons. I am thankfull that he was sent to me in order to teach me something yout myself.

    I believe this ghosting is some kind of strategy to make me miss him and want him back. I also believe this is something about power, I think he sees it as his way of gaining control over the situation, as he he decides aboiut leaving etc.
    Whatever. I am feeling good, I think I am over it!

    All the best
    Antigoni

    1. Wow Antigoni!!!
      Thank you for sharing your insightful, inspiring story here. Your growth towards a healthy, fulfilling life makes me sooooo happy. Keep up the great work!! xo

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