inner mean girl

“Consciously doing nothing, IS doing something.”  ~Terri Cole

Do you have a ‘mean girl’ in your mind?  You know – that voice that says you are not good enough? Or not pretty (or handsome) enough? That you can’t do it…that you’re never going to get what you want in life? Does that sound familiar at all? So many of us are still suffering from this ‘Inner Mean Girl’ syndrome. So let’s get real and talk about how to shut her up for good!  

So what is that voice really? It’s the negative, fear-based part of your psyche – and it’s one of the key things that can hold you back from going after what you really want in life…because that inner mean chick constantly tells you that you don’t deserve it and keeps you living small.  Endlessly comparing yourself to other people; doubting your abilities; questioning whether you deserve success or happiness – all stems from this fear, and it stops you from really going after your dreams. So it has GOT to go!

Start by taking a deep breath, closing your eyes and really visualizing or imagining what your life could be like if you could move past these fears. How would your life change if you didn’t have this constant negativity continually going on in the background? If you could start to make decisions based on your highest good, goals, and desires? If you weren’t driven by the mean girl voice anymore? THAT’s where we want to be. Focus your intention there.

The inner mean girl voice can be many things – not just your own fear and negativity but also often the internalized voice of someone else. So, for example, it could be the voice of a very strict parent, or very religious grandmother, anyone that told you that you weren’t good enough.  The truth is that often when we no longer hear that voice from those people themselves (as we grow up and leave home or move away), we often have already started internally repeating those things to ourselves. And this is where our first step to getting rid of that inner mean girl begins:


Notice specifically what your inner mean girl is saying – how exactly is she bullying you all the time? Is she pushing you into working more; doing more; saying yes when you really want to say no; feeling like you ‘should’; feeling inferior somehow? Noticing details of this will give you the roadmap of where in your own life you need to work on the feelings of shame, blame or guilt that can keep you down. Getting rid of those feelings can silence that voice for good. Feelings of shame and guilt, don’t serve us at all and don’t help us achieve anything – and we certainly don’t deserve them.  


Whether at work, with your friends or within your family, the compare and despair dynamic is the most depressing, limiting and pointless way of functioning.  Constantly comparing yourself to others is basically a sure-fire way of reinforcing the feeling that you are not good enough, that you don’t ‘measure up’. No matter WHAT it is that you do, if you are constantly comparing yourself, you set yourself up to fail. There is only one YOU, mama, and your DNA proves that you are unique, so embrace that uniqueness, focus on your own goals and achieve them YOUR way. Rather than feeling jealous you can learn so much from other people’s success that can help you on your journey – but trust me, no one has all the answers – despite what their Instagram account may tell you!!


The doing addict or taskmaster in all of us constantly drives us to overwork and be busy, never resting or getting a chance to just play. Let’s be honest, the to-do list is truly never ending, so we can’t let that dictate our lives. Carve out “silent time” for yourself to just enjoy.  Create some kind of daily meditation practice (I have LOADS of free easy meditations that you can use), even if it’s just for a minute or two. Try it now – take a deeeeep breath, relax your shoulders, and just be aware of your breathing for a few seconds. Creating that kind of space in your day for just ‘being’ can truly transform the way you look at your life and go through the world.

If you let that inner mean girl convince you that if you’re not constantly busy then you are lazy, you will never create the space for creativity and fun in your life.  

Doing nothing is doing something. Create a daily practice – even if it’s just a breathing practice to help raise your awareness of that inner critic, and turn the volume down on that bullshit! You don’t have to listen to it, and by harnessing the mindblowing power of intention you can silence that inner mean girl for good!

If you liked this week’s blog, please share it on social media and with the people you love. Because as Davidji would say, “We transform the world by transforming ourselves.”

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  1. Hi Terri, I only very recently subscribed to your site on you tube. I only really started to use this, you tube, am quite techNOphobe or techNofoe I don’t know but probably my age Generation Jones/X. Been unwell since October 2017 with one of the weird bugs going about in Glasgow, Scotland. Hey ho. But you tube certainly eases the boredom! Only so much housework you can do, mind you it’s a good wee exercise in Mindfulness and physical exercise. So I was really grateful to come across your site.
    Thank God I’m not totally crazy but have been saying for years now that I think I need an exorcism! I even asked my friend, who is wife of a well known pastor. She listens n that means the world to me. Two years ago after a huge mastiff dog attacked my labradore Brodie and me outside my flat I became petrified literally. From the neck down to my feet sciatica chronic pain n needed physio. Only Brodie had some puncture wounds, only because he lay down playing dead. Clever boy. But we were both on the ground in the mud screaming as I held his lead. (the girl on other end of the massif’s lead was powerless. Extractable lead they don’t hold! Her dog killed a dog the year before. The case went to court but because the other dog was off it’s lead n hers was on one then it didn’t get put down).

    Anyway I started to become insomniac too just before the attack, and for as long as I can remember I’ve had that horrible bully niggling, nagging, comparing, nasty, heartless inner voice beating me up in my mind. Ahhh! Sorry to say it was/is my mum. I thought she’d moved in, she had. However, trying to cut a longwinded story short I had to sort it. It’s taken 2 years, and hope she leaves me alone n doesn’t return like that again. Nice memories are better but…. Therapy, hypnotherapy, nlp, reiki, massage, aromatherapy oil in the bath knocked me out and oh wot a sleep indeed. I had a great healer and together we made a decision for me to clear out my stuff as I would get my wish of eventually finding a new flat (after 25 years in a cupboard or rather compact and bijou pad in the West End). Am in my new ‘home’ now a year. Best Christmas I’ve had since last Christmas wen I took this place, a race one week or so before Christmas day! What a gift.

    But then she moved in again n I took a dip mid summer. Mind you we did only have maybe 2 days where there was a blue thing above with a bright shiny yellow thing n a strange warm feel to it. She’s gone again for a bit. I wake up now I get up straight away giving her no time. It’s really frightening stuff that inner voice I really got scared, it just waited there first thing int morning, arms folded tightly across its chest, ready to have a good go at me. Sorry this is the short form! I don’t know why I’m telling you all this (you remind me of a pal from school a wee bit) but I was so glad to hear you say who this inner voice could be. I used to think folk must think I’m mental /nuts when I say that my mum’s moved into my head. Does your head in big time. So many thanx for your words of wisdom. The Internet quite good thing.

    Lastly, from my Mindfulness class, we get a poem after the practice. I loved this :
    Let the silence in you
    Be your every day guest
    – Ola Radka (?)

    Elinor Niblock ?

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