Does Valentine’s Day feel meaningless without someone to spend it with?

Does it cause more disappointment than happiness?

Or are you simply tired of all the hype around it?

You are not alone, my friend. I am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day myself.

What if we did something different? What if we focused on the power of self-love this year? What if you fell wildly in love with yourself this Valentine’s Day?

If this sounds better than the usual alternative, I got you covered with three steps you can take to celebrate YOU, whether you are single or partnered.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Not a Fan of Valentine’s Day?

Me neither.

The idea of a picture-perfect Valentine’s Day resulted in many of my therapy clients showing up feeling disappointed, disenchanted, and depressed by what did (or didn’t) happen on the 14th.

And if you are single, every single sappy ad is a reminder of what is missing.

It is overly commercialized and exclusionary, and it is time to make it our own.

So if, on past Valentine’s Days, you’ve found yourself thinking, Why not me? Sigh, maybe next year… or, All I got is this stupid card

I invite you to do something different because you have the power to make yourself feel loved.

There is something incredibly empowering about the practice of actively and mindfully creating your own bliss, about not waiting around for someone to do it for you.

Why Self-Love Matters

Before we get into the three steps, I want to address the resistance you may feel around celebrating yourself.

Maybe you aren’t used to putting yourself first or thinking of your own needs. Or maybe you feel resentful about ‘having’ to do something for yourself because you already do all the things for everyone else.

I see you, but here’s the thing: holding yourself in high esteem, consistently practicing self-care, and celebrating YOU impacts the vibe you put out in the world.

If you think you are unworthy of kindness or love, you inevitably attract people into your life who agree with you.

And when you are a partnered high-functioning codependent who insists on doing everything, you train your significant other to not step up for you.

It may be tempting to brush disappointments off as “no big deal,” but it IS a big deal. Settling for less and your self-regard directly impacts who you attract and what behavior you invite into your life.

In other words, YOU set the bar for the kind of love, romance, and care you want.

The following three steps will help get you started on setting the bar high.

Step 1: Create a Zen Den

A Zen Den is a beautiful place in your home where you can meditate, journal, or do spiritual work.

I believe creating an external sacred space reminds you to tend to the divine sacred space within you.

Creating this sacred space is an act of self-care and self-love. When you take care of yourself first, you have more to offer others.

This does not need to be a large space, either. If you live in an apartment or small home, use your bedside table or a corner of your room.

Include items that bring you comfort or inspiration. I like to have fairy lights, photos of loved ones, essential oil, plants, and seasonal elements from the outdoors in my Zen Den.

For more ideas on what to include in your Zen Den, download the guide right here.

Step 2: Journal + Dream

Make a sacred date with yourself to focus on YOU inside your newly created Zen Den.

Journal on how you want to feel and what you truly want.

You may feel some resistance here. Many women find this challenging because they are not used to thinking of their wants and needs.

I gently encourage you to push through this resistance. Taking time for yourself is not selfish. In doing so, you can show up more fully for those in your life.

Inside the guide, you will find specific journal prompts to get clarity around what makes you feel most loved and valued.

Step 3: Give Yourself a Gift

When was the last time you did something special just for you?

If you are like a lot of women in my crew, you might struggle to remember. It is probably much easier for you to do nice things for others, or when others are involved.

It is time to treat yourself like your own beloved.

Using the inspiration and discoveries from your journaling exercise, choose a gift to give yourself this Valentine’s Day.

It does not need to be expensive or huge, it just has to be meaningful to you. Sometimes, just giving ourselves the gift of time or relaxation is the most valuable thing we can do.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • A delicious meal in, with a beautifully set table just for you
  • A relaxing bath with essential oils, candles, your favorite drink, and a book
  • A beautiful piece of jewelry
  • A virtual or in-person gathering with your VIPs
  • A tech or social media break

You will find many more ideas for gifts you can give yourself inside the guide.

Self-Love Is An Intentional Practice

I strongly believe self-love is the only path to any other healthy, fulfilling love.

When you follow these steps, you take responsibility for making yourself feel loved and supported.

Reminder: it is NOT selfish to do something that makes you feel beautiful, gives you pleasure, cultivates your own joy, or allows you time to rest.

A lot of us were taught to put ourselves last, but when you consistently put your needs on the back burner, you teach everyone else in your life to do the same.

Your needs, preferences, and desires matter. How you feel, what you think, and what you want matters. The quality of your self-care and self-love is on you, my friend because no one else can do it for you. Set the bar high, baby!

I would love to hear from you in the comments below or on Instagram (@terricole). Will you follow these three steps for yourself and have a self-love celebration on Valentine’s Day? What gift will you give yourself? How do you feel about self-love? What will you put in your Zen Den? Let me know, and don’t forget to grab the guide for Zen Den ideas, journal prompts, and gift ideas.

I hope you have an amazing Valentine’s Day filled with love and as always, take care of you.

P.S. If you are a woman healer, helper, coach, or entrepreneur wanting a sacred container in which you can uplevel your self-love and thrive in every area of your life, I invite you to check out Flourish, my 12-month mastermind for healers, helpers, coaches, and entrepreneurs.

I can’t think of a better gift to give YOURSELF this Valentine’s Day than to commit to getting ongoing support and expert guidance on your personal evolutionary path towards self-mastery so you can create the meaningful, joy-filled life you deserve.

You can check out all the details right here.

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  1. Hello Terri,
    It is Galentine's Day eve and I have just spent time watching your video that I had put in my favorites to save for this occasion. Thank you for making this video as I happen to be single this year and I felt like I had some company while viewing it (I also am a quality time person). Prior to this holiday, I decided to do a few things to set myself up for success on what could have been a depressing day. I started by making homemade valentine cards to send to my inner circle of friends. I included short notes of gratitude for all of their support this past year. Then I purchased some picture frames, so that I could print out pictures of people who love me and display them around my house. What a joy it has been to look through pictures to choose! Yesterday, I had a spa night so that I could feel pretty today. Today was filled with thanks for the cards I sent and mutual texts from friends. I also had a long phone call with my favorite uncle who knew I might be lonely. I am full of positive vibes from all of the love I have sent and received as well as the small treats I have given myself.

    Thank you for all you do, Terri. You have helped me grow and learn more about myself. Your Boundary Boss book was pivotal in my growth as I had no idea that I was codependent with few boundaries. I am single because I have finally put my foot down and said NO to being controlled and used. No more of that for me, thank you. So yes, my whole entire new house is my zen den since I don't have to share it with anyone! Peace and love to you!

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