Boundary Rights?

My Boundary Boss book baby is officially making its debut in the world today!!!! 

(Can’t wait to get your hot little hands on it? Order your copy here now.)

Over the last 2+ decades, my mission has been to educate women the world over about healthy boundaries because they are the key to living an empowered, self-directed life. In both my personal and professional experience, what I’ve found is most of us weren’t taught the essential skills to establish, communicate, or maintain great boundaries. 

Writing the book is the culmination of my life’s work thus far and it’s dedicated to YOU, my true blue crew, and to every woman who is committed to creating the healthiest possible relationships and a truly extraordinary life. 

In honor of the occasion today, I’m sharing the Boundary Boss Bill of Rights. If you don’t know what they are, you are not alone. So much of the work of becoming a true Boundary Boss is understanding and claiming your boundary rights, so let’s dive in!

The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to say no (or yes) to others without feeling guilty.

There are many reasons why we say yes when we want to say no. We might be worried about what others will think about us or about being rejected. If we are conflict avoidant, it might feel easier to “go along to get along,” but in the long run, denying your truth is a one-way ticket to bitter town. 

2. You have the right to make mistakes, to course correct, or change your mind. 

Many of us feel once we make a decision, whether it’s in a relationship, in our careers, or something as simple as saying yes to walking our neighbor’s dog on our lunch break, we’ve got to stick with it forever. You have the right to change your mind- every choice doesn’t have to be a life sentence. 

3. You have the right to negotiate for your preferences, desires, and needs. 

You are the only one who knows what your unique preferences, desires, and needs are and you are the only one who can negotiate for them. When we don’t share what we want and need, the people in our lives don’t know who we are. Many of us were taught to be “easy-going” and not to be “difficult”. The truth is, sharing a preference isn’t being difficult. It is allowing people to truly know us. 

4. You have the right to express and honor all of your feelings if you so choose. 

Being fully expressed is part of being a Boundary Boss, but it also means you get to choose what you share when you share, and with whom. You are not obligated to share or confess all of your feelings to everyone. You have the right to be discerning.

5. You have the right to voice your opinion even if others disagree. 

If you’re a peacekeeper or a people-pleaser, it can be difficult for you to share your opinion if others disagree. Again, discernment comes in here. Just because you have the right doesn’t mean you have to share all of your opinions with someone aggressive or abusive. You have the right to talk true when it’s right for you.

6. You have the right to be treated with respect, consideration, and care. 

The way others treat you all starts with your relationship with yourself. You set the bar! When you hold yourself in high regard and prioritize yourself, others will follow your lead. If you’re overworking, over-functioning and overgiving, chances are you will attract people who will expect you to keep doing that. Begin treating yourself with the respect, consideration, and care you deserve and set that bar HIGH, baby. 

7. You have the right to determine who has the privilege of being in your life. 

Imagine your life as a VIP section and you are the only person with the guest list. You get to decide who gets the privilege of your company, your time, and your energy. If you don’t learn how to be the bouncer in your VIP section, you might find yourself endlessly twisting yourself into a pretzel and inconveniencing yourself for just anyone who wanders past the velvet rope and plops themself down. Not everyone deserves a 24-hour backstage pass to your amazing life. YOU get to make the choice. 

8. You have the right to communicate your boundaries, limits, and deal-breakers. 

Again, only you know what’s right for you with respect to these things. What is and what isn’t ok with you? What are your non-negotiables? Getting clear around your limits and needs is the first step to asserting yourself and communicating your boundaries in a healthy way. And it is totally doable. 

9. You have the right to prioritize your self-care without feeling selfish. 

There are many myths and limiting beliefs around self-care. Many of us have been taught we should prioritize everyone else and put ourselves last. But when our self-care isn’t solid, we can end up feeling depleted, exhausted, angry, and resentful. The reality is, taking impeccable care of ourselves is the foundation for success in our relationships, our careers, and our entire lives. When we prioritize our self-care, we are at our best and give from a place of love and abundance rather than one of lack. 

10. You have the right to talk true, be seen, and live free. 

There’s a reason the subtitle of the book is The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (finally) Live Free. What I teach inside Boundary Boss is a process for lasting transformation. When you learn this life-changing skillset, speaking up with ease and grace, asserting your truth, and expressing your feelings and preferences become your new normal. 

Listen, I believe relief from suffering and sustainable change is possible. That is why I teach what I teach and it’s the reason why I wrote this book!

I believe your mental health supports every other aspect of your wellbeing and to be mentally healthy, you must have healthy boundaries. It’s just a fact. You cannot create the life or relationships you want with disordered boundaries. Those things are mutually exclusive. 

This book is a strategically designed how-to guide for becoming a full-fledged Boundary Boss. I’ve taken therapeutic strategies and psychological theories and made them easy to understand and accessible so you can actually apply them to your one-and-only amazing life! 

I believe becoming fluent in the language of boundaries is the only way for the people in your life and the world to know the truest and most authentic you. And you are worth being deeply known. 

If you’ve been struggling with boundaries, just know, there’s literally nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You just need the skills no one ever taught you! And I can’t WAIT to teach you. 

Here’s where you can get your copy of Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (finally!) Live Free!

You absolutely have the power to become a Boundary Boss. Welcome to the boundary revolution and as always, take care of you!

Here are some more ways I can support you:

ORDER MY NEW BOOK BABY! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ  I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style! 

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  1. Hi Terri Cole,
    Thank you for your work, i really like your approach and style – to the point and also very unique and has helped me through the years of family dynamics thank you. I am revisiting your work now, in a different space and would like to join the masterclass. I wonder how we sign up to your Masterclass on the 29th? I have clicked the link but it leads me to the page to buy your book.

  2. I understand boundaries and I support them for everyone. At the same time, I wonder if sometimes we set boundaries more because we just don’t want to do something than because it’s self-care. For example, I had shoulder surgery and my doctor told me I can’t mow the lawn. My daughter offered to come home every week to mow the lawn for me. After 2 weeks of doing that, she suddenly informed me that she has to establish boundaries to be her own person. I get that, but I needed her help and she offered it willingly. Now I feel hurt and betrayed because she broke a promise when I actually need her help and depended on her.

    1. Hi Nicole,
      This is a great point to bring up. There’s definitely many things at play. It is possible that your daughter’s boundaries conflict with your needs. It’s also possible that she set the boundary to avoid something she doesn’t want to do. Either way, I think in this case, it’s important to understand her motivation behind not mowing the lawn and the meaning behind “being her own person.” I think discussing this will help you better understand each other and your needs ❤️

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