Do you feel like you’re continually struggling in relationships with the same self-absorbed, controlling people? It could be in your romantic relationships, friendships, family, or work relationships.
Maybe you keep finding yourself with narcissistic partners even though after your last breakup you swore, “never again”…
Or you get a new job and, sure enough, you end up with the same version of your last bully boss.
If you’re nodding your head yes, trust me, you are not alone. Looking into our past can help us understand why we might be enacting behavior patterns that can leave us vulnerable to narcissists.
Watch the video below to learn the most common signs of being raised by a narcissist plus the 5 red flags you should look for in your relationship/dating life so you get empowered to break the cycle.
If your parental impactors (the people who raised you) had narcissistic tendencies, it can set you up to unconsciously seek out repeating realities in your present relationships.
How can you tell if you were raised by a narcissistic parent?
Take a look at the questions below and see what resonates with your experience:
- Did your parental impactors utilize emotional blackmail? This looks like playing the guilt card to their advantage and making you feel like crap so you’ll do what they want.
- If you didn’t do what they wanted, would they withdraw love and attention? Utilize the silent treatment or stonewalling in a punitive way?
- Were they competitive with you? Not just over positive things, but also over negative experiences as well. Were they always trying to one-up you?
- Did they lie or exaggerate? Narc parents will embellish and straight-up lie about their accomplishments and experiences.
- Were they unable to handle any kind of feedback or criticism? Narcissists are notoriously thin-skinned, so you might have found yourself walking on eggshells in your childhood.
- Did they deny your reality and your feelings, saying things like “that never happened” or “you’re imagining things”?
These are just some of the signs of having a narcissistic parent, and in this week’s guide, there are more resources to help you get some clarity around this incredibly painful experience. Here’s where you can grab it.
As children, we are the perfect captive audience which means that we can get really good at figuring out how not to be punished by the people who have control over us. Scary, yes, but sadly, true.
Adult children of narcissists are often highly empathic, sensitive, kind, and giving because growing up, being very tuned in to other people’s feelings and emotions kept you safe.
One of the reasons you might find yourself in a narcissistic dynamic now is because the child within is ever hopeful that this time it will be different. It’s almost like we are seeking a do-over. If this is you, I want to help you recognize and become empowered in the face of narcissistic abuse.
If you are in a relationship or dating, raising your awareness of the warning signs of narcissistic personality traits can help you protect yourself.
The 5 Red Flags You Might Be With A Narcissist:
- Gaslighting. This is a manipulation tactic where the other person denies your reality. A gaslighter will consistently make you wrong and dismiss your feelings and the truth of your experience saying things like: “you’re crazy” or “that’s not what happened”. If someone continuously rewrites your experience with their own selective memory to their benefit so you start second-guessing yourself, beware.
- Devaluing you. A true narcissist won’t be able to support anything you do outside of the things that positively impact them. They want to keep you small and dependent on them. For example, if you share an exciting opportunity for you, they might remind you of past failures. Yikes.
- Always the victim. Even when they are in the wrong, you somehow find yourself apologizing to them. You may be particularly vulnerable to this emotional manipulation tactic if you are an empath.
- Controlling. They don’t want you to have a life outside of them. Narcissists are often jealous and will always want to know where you are and what you are doing. They will try to slowly but surely alienate you from your friends and family.
- Blaming. They will never take responsibility for their actions. They will distract, deflect and somehow flip the script on you. If something goes wrong it is always someone else’s fault.
I sincerely hope this gives you more clarity so you can begin to better protect yourself from further pain and suffering. Try to learn as much as you can about narcissism and about being the child of a narcissist because knowledge is power!
Deepening your self-understanding, self-knowledge, and learning how to cultivate real self-love is critical to your personal healing process and to the success of all of your relationships. The more you learn, the more empowered you can become to create relationships and a life that thrills and fulfills you.
If you are ready to go deeper on this healing journey of self-love, I can’t think of a safer, more transformative space than inside my Real Love Revolution course.
Over the next 12 weeks, I will be personally guiding hundreds of amazing human beings from all over the world to tap into their pure potential and the infinite possibilities for real, healthy love.
RLR is like a 3-month masterclass in yourself, relationships, communications, boundaries, sex, intimacy, and joy!
Wanna join us?
We’re getting started tomorrow and I would love to see you on the inside.
As always, take care of you.