Being Present for Endings Prepares You 4 New Beginnings @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

We all know that nothing in life is permanent and yet that knowing does not seem to make saying goodbye any easier for most people. Whether it is a relationship, a job, or transitioning from this life to the next, this journey is a series of endings that eventually lead to beginnings. How well you negotiate and honor things endings can impact how successfully you move onto the next phase.

Life transitions are predictable changes like marriage, children, retirement etc. With each change the familiar structures that protect you and create comfort are deconstructed and you must go forward into the unknown and create a new path. These upheavals can create anxiety and test the limits of your ability to adapt. However, each life transition is also an opportunity to dive deep and learn about your inner resources and to ask yourself what you really want out of life.

Emotional Constipation can Occur if You Deny a Proper Goodbye @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

Endings are the perfect time for self-reflection that can then lead to self-renewal, gratitude for your experiences and a solid start to a new chapter of your life.

Every ENDING deserves an CONSCIOUS Goodbye @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

By taking time to honor situations and relationships that come to an end you allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of your emotions and learn what you were meant to learn. You gain clarity about what you liked and what you didn’t and perhaps what you would do differently next time. Your past processed experiences will inform the person you are becoming if you are willing to do the work.

What part of your life are you saying goodbye to? Are you transitioning from one situation to another? No matter if you are happy about this goodbye, or sad, I want to hear from you. In the comments below please share how you handle goodbyes and how I can support you.

Goodbye for now and I hope to connect with you on my FaceBook page during this week.

As always, take care of you.

Love Love Love

Terri

 

 

* image courtesy of Toni Blay

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  1. Dear Terri, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I am going through a weird transition at the moment professionally and am feeling really anxious. Just hearing that I need to let go and accept is helpful. With gratidude, love Jude

  2. I lost my twin brother unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. I recently moved away from the place I lived for 40 years to a place 2100 miles away where I know no one other than my husband and 6 year old granddaughter we are raising. Then 5 weeks after the move my brother died.i was trying to adjust to the new place and now this loss has me flummoxed.

    1. Hi Keri, I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now. Twins have a very deep and special connection. I hope you will take the time to go within and really feel all of your feelings around the loss of your brother. Let your husband know what it is you need right now, whether it is alone time, to seek counseling or to go visit your hometown of 40 years. Grief takes it’s own time. If you can allow yourself to feel all of your feelings instead of avoiding them, your healing will happen. We all know that death is an integral part of life and yet it is still pailful to lose a loved one. Call on those around you, let them support and love you through this time. Don’t take on too much and be sure to really take care of you.

  3. This reminds me of finding closure in certain aspects of my life which I still think about. I experienced some negative things during my first job that I still think about, and also deciding to shift my career in another direction and trying not to look back. They’re both situations I want to say goodbye to and be able to be at peace with them.

  4. My husband and I just separated. We are both amicable about the situation, but saying goodbye to a 24 year marriage is hard. I find that I am scared about finalizing with divorce and we haven’t gotten that far yet. I have moved out and am living on my own. He is keeping the house and I am good with that. We have 3 sons, youngest one is 20yrs. They are fine with our separation. I like feeling free, making my own decisions, not answering to anyone or waiting for some approval or appreciation and don’t mind being alone-but-writing this…I’m crying. When I think of what we had…what went wrong-I think sometimes that maybe we could work on things. We have been together since I was 15 yrs-together for 32yrs total. I’ve never known any different. And sometimes when I think too far into the future-I’m terrified. All the “what-if’s” come into play. What if I had tried harder, what if I’m making a mistake??? What if I fail??? We have agreed that although we would love to hate one another…we just can’t. We have a granddaughter as well-7mos old-and we love to spend time together with her. Which adds to my emotional confusion of “how are we able to get along so well now….?” Like I said…..Hard to say goodbye….

    1. Hi Liz, It sounds as though perhaps there is a part of you that is not yet ready to completely say goodbye, and that’s okay. I can only give you advice based on the information you gave me, though what I will say 100% is that only you know what is best for you. A 32 year relationship will, without a doubt, have it’s share of ups and downs. This is not a decision that a couple makes overnight, so if there is still some processing left to do, then it’s important to honor that. Doubts and fears are only natural, though try to practice living one day at a time. Based on what you wrote it sounds like you think that perhaps there was more both of you could do to keep the marriage together. And since you have both decided to be friends maybe you can talk with a counselor about what happened, if you haven’t already. I would definitely suggest starting a meditation practice as soon as possible. This can help slow down fearful thinking and calm your nervous system and give you more clarity around this situation. It’s important not to make any decisions from a place of fear, whether that decision is to go through with divorce or reconnect with your husband. So before you try and ‘figure out’ what to do, take some time to quiet your mind so you can begin making decisions from a place peace rather than fear. I have a feeling it will make a big difference for you. All my best, Terri

  5. I Love this idea of listing the good and the I am happy to nots. I’m Also seeing the another side of good bye gatherings.
    I always felt a welcoming party for the new person would make a someone feel better working with us, valued new part of the team….
    Rather than celebrating the guy who is breaking up our teem.

    1. Glad this post resonated so much with you Chaya. I love the idea of welcoming the new, though there is definite value in honoring those who contributed to the team. Thanks for your comment! ! – Terri

  6. My husband left w/o notice a year ago this Saturday. After a 20 yr marriage. I have had the hardest year. I have gone from complete devastation and shock..sadness..disbelief to an acceptance. Although we are still not legally divorced (he is reluctant to settle w/o court.) I have learned to let go of control. To accept this path. To dare to change and let go of fear. I am grateful for the beauty that is my life. I am still trying to let go fully. I would appreciate any help on that front. What I can only imagine is shame on his part he refuses to talk to me. I found out he had started a relationship with a high school friend while we were married. I am struggling without any closure. I realize I will never get it. How to close the door myself?? Goodbyes have never been easy for me..I do not love change. So many lessons..

    1. Virginia, I want to first acknowledge you for opening up as honestly as you have. The devastation, shock, sadness and disbelief that you have felt (and may still be feeling) is not only understandable but completely normal. Letting go is definitely a process and after 20 years of marriage, that process is going to take time. You’re still grieving, as anyone would be, a very significant relationship. The process of letting go often means that you feel your pain and anger. The door will slowly close as you bring more and more love to yourself and forgiveness to him. This does not condone in any way his leaving you, but it will set you free from the pain that you feel from this situation. This Saturday surround yourself with people that love you and honor the progress you have made over the last year. Don’t have any expectations as to how you should or shouldn’t feel. You just keep taking care of you. Sending you so so much love, Terri

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