valentines day ritual

Be honest – do you secretly hate Valentines Day? If you’re single – it can be kind of depressing or make you feel more alone. If you’re in a relationship – it can sometimes be anticlimactic or disappointing even if you and your partner do celebrate it in some way.  

This year, single or partnered, why not do something completely different?  

Take Care of You

Every year in the Real Love Revolution, we create a Self-Love Valentine’s Day Ritual. If you’re in a relationship and you still want to do something for your significant other, that’s great, do that too…but I want you to focus on the power of SELF-love this year.  

When you practice self-love, you put out a certain energy and vibration into the world and that attracts others who have a similar energy or vibration. Having healthy self- esteem means that you can draw healthy boundaries with ease and grace, you can speak authentically, and negotiate for your own needs. If you have low self-esteem and you think you are not worthy of kindness, love or of being cherished, you will inevitably attract people into your life who agree with you. If you are in a relationship and insist on doing everything for yourself and don’t express your desires and preferences, you are basically training your partner to NOT step up for you. It’s tempting to lie to ourselves by brushing disappointments off as “no big deal.”  But the reality is that it IS a big deal. Your self-regard is directly impacting who you attract and what behavior you allow in your life.


Your Real Love Revolution Self-Love Valentine’s Day Ritual


Step 1: Journal

Give yourself intimate, alone time to write in your journal and really get in touch with your thoughts. Some questions to get you started:

  • What is it that would make you feel loved?
  • What currently makes you feel loved?
  • What is the kind of love that you want in your life?  What does that look like?
  • How do you want to feel in your relationship with yourself and with others?


Step 2: Create a Zen Den

Create a little sacred space for yourself, somewhere that you can sit often. Make it comfortable, cozy and part of your self-loving experience. Intentionally create a safe and comforting space just for you. Some ideas of items for your Zen Den:

  • Fairy lights
  • Candles (be safe!)
  • Essential Oils
  • A soft, fuzzy blanket or cushion
  • Your journal
  • Pictures of loved ones
  • Flowers, leaves or other natural seasonal items
  • Crystals
  • Plants


Step 3:  Plan Your Gift to Yourself

Enter your Zen Den space and using the inspiration and discoveries from your journaling exercise, decide what would be a beautiful Valentine’s Day gift to give yourself. It can be the smallest thing or the biggest gesture, but it’s all about you treating yourself with love and consideration. You have the power to make yourself feel good…do something that makes you feel the way you want to feel.

(Some ideas from past include: Having a luxurious bubble bath with candles and champagne, having a manicure and pedicure, buying some jewelry, getting a massage, buying yourself flowers, joining that gym class you’ve always wanted to, going out for dinner with girlfriends, having a day off just to yourself…)

Please share what you decide in the comments, on my social media, or if you are a woman in my amazing group of like-minded and like-hearted lady loves inside the Real Love Revolution private Facebook group. I would LOVE to hear what you come up with. (To join my Real Love Revolution waiting list, get free meditations, quizzes and live Q&A sessions where I will answer your burning questions about love PLUS become a member of our RLR Private Facebook group just click here…it’s FREE!)

You Have the Power

The Real Love Revolution is based on my strong belief that self-love is the only path to all other healthy, fulfilling love. The intention of this ritual is to emphasize that it isn’t about someone else making you feel a particular way…it’s about taking responsibility for making yourself feel loved and supported. By doing this and raising your own vibration and self-regard, you put out energy that attracts similar energy.  

It is so important that you get your own relationship to yourself in order before you go out and spend money, time, and energy on trying to find fulfillment with another person. If you don’t figure out that self-loving relationship first, you might continue to attract unsatisfying people and relationships into your life.  

You have the power to make yourself feel loved – it’s not something that someone else withholds or bestows on you. When you really discover that truth and learn to love yourself, you start to attract people who agree with that high self-assessment…and you deserve to be truly, deeply loved.  

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  1. Hi Terri-

    For Valentine’s Day this year I had lunch and bought myself some jewelry and some Chinese for dinner all by myself and I LOVE IT! I already have my Zen Den so my environment is nice and cozy and I have been enjoying my life greatly because of the work I have been doing on myself to have more ease and comfort in my life now that I am in my early Fifties, thank you for all that you do!

    -Valerie J Runyan

  2. Hello Terry,
    I treat myself with a day in the sauna.
    Love your posts, learned a lot.
    Nothing in my life is the same anymore.
    Love Chris

  3. Hi Terri,
    I’m Mathew, 26, and really like this idea of self love and recently realised how important it is, for both women and men. I was wondering, while your videos sound like they’re tailored to women, does the same hold true for men? Or should men be approachinhbit differently?

    1. Matthew,
      Thank you for being here! It really is the same for men and although my main demo is women I am always open to have men join in anything that is not deemed, women only. As a mom to 3 grown men, I promised you this advice is applicable. Keep up the great work!

  4. Hi Terri,
    I have only recently connected with your website, thank you for putting the love out there.

    This year I have taken a week off work, to just connect with myself, using your advice, and to focus on developing my sense of self love. Children are with their dad for the week, and I’ve told friends and family that I’ll be ‘off grid’.
    I am creating my healthy sleep routine, diet, exercise and challenging my ‘stinking thinking’!
    For the day I have bought myself flowers and chocolates, and plan to spend my day doing things that I enjoy, but have neglected due to busyness.

    Time to feel and heal.
    Bring on the Self Love Revolution. xxx

  5. Love You! Wife is a rageaholic malignant narc who constantly triggers me as a 100% disabled Vietnam vet from ptsd. I survive on your advice. Love, John

    1. John!
      I am so glad that you find the vids and content helpful. I am sorry to hear about your situation and am sending good vibes for you not only survive but THRIVE, in time. Thank you for being here with us!

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