If you’re honest with yourself, does the idea of forgiving someone feel like you might be condoning their bad behavior or like they are getting one over on you? 

If forgiveness feels complicated (and it is!), this episode is for you. You’ll learn about what I’m calling the new forgiveness, which is about releasing resentment that might be holding you back- not about letting someone off the hook. 

Plus, inside this week’s guide, you’ll get a powerful 4-step process to release yourself from the prison that prolonged resentment can become so you can begin your healing process. 

Prefer the audio? Listen here. 

Forgiving can be hard to do. In my experience as a psychotherapist for 25 years, many of my clients have complicated feelings regarding forgiveness- almost like they’re losing something or enabling crappy behavior. 

There are so many misconceptions around what forgiveness really is and who it’s actually for. It is not about whether the other person deserves forgiveness. It is about you deserving the freedom and lightness that comes from honoring and releasing the injury. It is about learning how to allow yourself to process that experience, learn from it, and move on with your life. 

Forgiveness is for the forgiver. When we forgive, it liberates us. It doesn’t mean we’re giving someone who hurt us a pass. It means releasing any stuck painful emotions that might be interfering with creating the life we want. Stuck resentment and pain have the power to block future happiness. 

If you are holding onto things from the past, I want to invite you to reframe forgiveness as a gift you are giving yourself. When you can learn to process and let go of pain and resentment, it frees up so much internal space. 

Think about how valuable the real estate in your mind is. If it’s crowded with constant ruminations over the past or obsessing over what you did or didn’t say, your ability to be present in your life is compromised. 

The new forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or sweeping things under the rug. It is about freeing your heart and mind from resentment. There are things you can do so you can get clarity around the truth of what you experienced, learn something from it, and heal. 

We all heal at our own pace. I know a lot of you identify as highly sensitive and empathic (like me), and we can tend to hold onto painful interactions and experiences because things touch us very deeply. 

While being an empath can be a superpower, our tender hearts and nervous systems can also bring us down with incredibly exhausting, painful memories if we don’t commit to releasing them in a healthy way. 

Everything I teach is with the goal of moving you towards self-mastery, and if you are holding onto resentment, I promise you, taking the time to free your mind is a valuable endeavor. We can spend hours, days, weeks- even our entire lives- negatively ruminating on injuries from the past. 

We can’t shame ourselves or will ourselves to just let these things go. I’ve created a way to help you honor and integrate your experiences. I do this step-by-step process with anything that is sucking away my precious psychological and mental bandwidth. 

I want to be clear that this process is not to minimize the pain you have experienced or to try to find a silver lining in what happened to you. It is not about spiritually bypassing or being hyper-positive. 

There is something very powerful, consciously and unconsciously, when we decide to take action- it’s like putting the universe on notice that this crap has taken up too much space and it’s time to be done with it. 

Inside this week’s guide, you’ll learn a 4-step process to put your stake in the ground and finally let go of resentment from the past. You can download it right here. 

Again, healing is different for everyone, so be compassionate and patient with yourself. It can take time. If you need to seek out professional mental health support, please do so. 

There is no magic pill to this, but my hope is this reframe on forgiveness will give you access to releasing yourself from resentment prison. If you’ve been holding onto things and feel like there’s something wrong with you – there’s not! Forget forgiveness in the traditional sense. 

The new forgiveness is about your liberation. It is appropriate and healthy to release resentment, to become self-determined and empowered to re-train your thoughts so they don’t continue to be dominated by a painful situation that is over. 

I’ve met hundreds, probably thousands of people at this point in my life and in my career that let one unforgivable action define them for the rest of their lives. This doesn’t have to be you. You can make a different choice.

When you release this, you get access to your own strength. You can celebrate your resilience and everything you’ve survived- because the new forgiveness is all about YOU. 

I hope this process helps you and I would love to hear from you as we celebrate National Forgiveness Week (or National Release Resentment Week!) together with this reframe. Please drop me a comment here or connect with me over on Instagram @terricole and let me know how this goes for you! 

You deserve to be free of lingering resentment. I hope you have an amazing week liberating yourself, and as always, take care of you. 

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  1. Thank you, Terri, I can feel your love in this video. I wish I could have you as a witness. does it work if our witness is our higher self? I'm 68 years old, mother of six and grandmother of 21. and yet very much alone in my life. I've been on a journey for the past 5 or so years to clear energy and burn trauma. I get stuck on forging myself, and I'm stuck on many things experiences I've had where I've completely followed the wrong voice and been deceived. I do get your steps, yet it keeps coming around to low self-worth for me. and I think I work it out and then there it is again. I've thought many times I just need someone to listen to me and hold that nonjudgmental space. not fitting in any group and or trusting anyone to be that witness for me. it's always about money and time. so, can the witness be my higher self? or Mother in Heaven as I draw closer to her?

    1. Hi Pamee,
      Thank you so much for sharing this! Yes, your witness can be your highest self or your mother (or both!). I’m cheering you on as you continue on this journey ❤️❤️

  2. Thank you Terri. I usually do your burn ritual at the end of the year. I did it two years ago for a relationship with a spiritual narcissist I was involved with that (no surprise) ended badly. They did say they were sorry later, and I accepted the apology. The behavior was so bad, I did not tell them I forgave them, I refused to do that because they did not deserve a pass for their crap behavior. I did let them know how awful their behavior was after they moved away. There is no contact anymore with this individual, which for me is good riddance.

  3. I really enjoy listening to you. I feel like you are talking just to me. My niece suggested I look you up 5 years ago and I still here

  4. Hi amazing Terri,

    I learn so much from you — I finished the Crushin Codependency course and bought your incredible book! I am expanding and learning great things to help me.

    I will continue to work on releasing resentent and gaining my joy and happiness back.

  5. As I am going toward my LCSW, since 2020 I have Literally gone through the worst two years of my life through so much loss trauma and grief… where everything has emerged from 36 years with EMDR…. I’m no longer who I was because I’m growing and this came at a good time… thank you. It’s the piece that always confused me as a child… I was Taught so well how to forgive but with tears in my eyes as I write, what was missing was how to acknowledge my own feelings under anger first.

    1. Hi Lindsay,
      Thank you for sharing and I’m so glad to hear you’re continuing on your journey toward healing. Thank you for sharing and for being here. I’m cheering you on as you continue to reach for your LCSW!

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