Last week’s theme of focusing your energy on what you can do rather than on what makes your feel powerless continues this week as we explore the concept of Living in Non-Reality.

Start by asking yourself if you are in acceptance of certain factual aspects of your life, even if they are not exactly what you want them to be at the moment.

Let’s look at a common example in our lives today – traffic. When you are sitting in traffic, do you complain that if your boss hadn’t called you into a 4:45 pm meeting and you left right at 5 as planned you would not be sitting in traffic right now? This line of thinking is living in Non-Reality, and it can permeate all areas of your life if you are not aware of it.

Years ago when I was living in LA and spending many hours of my life sitting in traffic, I became aware of my non-reality based inner dialogue. My frustration at “wasting” time inspired elaborate stories of how it was someone else’s fault that I was caught up, and if the facts were just not the facts, I would be freely speeding down the PCH without a care. After a few futile weeks of this behavior, I decided to stop wasting my energy and re-framed my mind about traffic time.

Instead of spinning my wheels (no pun intended), I decided traffic time was my time to restore, to put space between my home and office life. In the morning, it gave me a chance to prepare for the day ahead, and in the evening, it gave me a chance to let go of the daily frustrations and not bring them into my peaceful home. I listened to books on tape, podcasts from interesting speakers, and brushed up on my Spanish. This was a much better use of my time than ruminating about whose fault it was that the light turned red before I could cross the intersection.

Although we do have the power to actively change many aspects of our lives, there will always be situations that are out of our control. Your empowerment is in how you manage these events. Can you accept the things you cannot change and surrender to how it is rather than rail against it? Can you find the silver lining, like quality alone time, even when you’re sitting in traffic?

This week, I challenge you to look at how often you get constricted about What Is, if you don’t like it, and to re-frame your experience so you can choose acceptance, gratitude, and expansion. Take yourself out of the “if only” ambiguity and move into the here and now with all the possibility it carries.

I hope you have an amazing week, rocking your actual reality, and, as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love


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  1. Thanks for this one Terri. Every moment gets to be used for creating my desired future and if I am sitting in the feeling or thought “I don’t want to be here” I am going to get more of that in my future too. I loved your suggestions of taking yourself out of it and whole-heartedly agree that time spent wishing you ‘weren’t here’ is wasted time!

  2. What a wonderful tip. Thank you so much for the reminder. The next time that I am about to mindlessly complain about something that I can’t change, I’ll have your tip in the back of my mind and WILL change my thinking and reaction. It is a domino effect…once you start changing your thoughts, you see the changes in your life. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in life that we forget to focus on “the big picture.”

    What’s that phrase? “Every 60 seconds spent complaining and unhappy is a minute of joy wasted?” (Something like that…)

    Thanks again, Terri.

  3. I have a HUGE “If Only” pertaining to a very badly chosen plastic surgeon 7 years ago. Physically and mentally it cost me so much…. if only I had done more research and chosen someone else. If only someone else had warned me about this doctor! However, If I had NOT chosen this person, I wouldn’t be who I am today, (I quite like her, actually) I would’t be where I am today (coming into my own reality and strength) and I would not know Terri Cole today (nuff said!) . There are still days that I experience pain and I have to work very hard at not blaming this person for all of my problems, but then I think of these things and realize that I have been given a gift of sorts: An experience that few others have been through. That, in my opinion, is priceless and something that I intend to do a great deal of good with.

    1. Cate-
      Thank you so much for sharing here! Your story is so powerful and you my dear are a born HEALER! So let’s get movin’ on the good knowing that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and so super special <3
      love love love

  4. I am going to buy an audiobook today. Thanks tune up tip Terri! LA traffic does suck… But I’m usually good enought to spend some time thinking about other things or zen-ing out… There are a few books I want on tape so today is the day! Plus a good podcast never hurt 😉

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