Are you wasting your energy, youth, and beauty focusing on things you cannot change? Thinking too much about situations where you have no control or experiences that have already happened? Oftentimes we get so wrapped up in what’s happening in the world and political systems, in what the neighbors are doing, and in the mistakes we’ve made, that we lose focus on what we CAN DO right here, right now to help make our lives and those around us better.

Focusing on that over which you have no control (the past, the state of the world, and the drama of other people’s lives… to name a few) is a common cause of stress. This type of thinking makes us feel powerless, leading to feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression, which are all key players in the game of stress. I could go on and on about the myriad of the side effects from stress, but you can check them out for yourself while we focus on what you CAN DO to switch your thinking from what you should have done to what you will do now.

This week, I want to challenge you to pay attention to what thoughts are taking up real estate in your mind. When you are ruminating about people and situations over which you have no control, jot down a quick line about the issue at hand. Over the course of the week, what patterns are you discovering? What is the content of your predominant thoughts? How do they make you feel?

Now make a plan to Do Something. If it’s politics that sets you into a tailspin, volunteer for a political campaign, get to know the issues, VOTE. If it’s an ethical or world issue (eg. animal welfare, bullying, the environment, researching/living with/preventing/curing a particular disease), volunteer for an organization focusing on that particular agenda.

Now, to the biggie…. How often are you ruminating about the past? When you find yourself living anywhere but in the present moment, ask yourself why you are still holding onto the past incident or regret. Try to break down what really happened. Once you have established the facts around the scenario, dial into what you are meant to learn from the experience and use that information to inform your decisions now.

Remaining in a state of frustrated helplessness takes a toll, physically and emotionally. You can relieve stress and feel more empowered by getting into action. Being part of the solution instead of stressing about the problem will contribute to your ability to build a more peaceful and productive life. You have the power to change your life and your perspective. Do not give that power to politicians, lawmakers, your neighbors, or anyone else. Most of these people you do not even know, so why be dominated by their choices? And the ones you do know most likely do not want to have power over your thoughts and feelings. Keep your side of the street clean and use your special talents to make life better. Interestingly enough, you will make others’ better in the process.

Share your thoughts and comments with us. Let’s start a rich dialogue with the focus on what is possible rather than what is wrong. I am curious to see what changes you notice physically and mentally when you become aware of your thoughts and flip the script.

I hope you have a meaningful week, filled with positive action, and, as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love


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  1. Hi Terri, first of all, thank you so much for you words. I have you on facebook and I read your lines every day. Very often it´s exactly what I need to hear.

    My biggest fear is about my future. I am soon to be out of work (maternity leave substitute), building a new house in the home town where is no work (having a loan for the next 30 years), trying to get pregnant and after baby to set up a cosmetic business. All of this is a lot to take in one time but since I have started focusing on my thoughts, I am getting through much easier. Whatever gets in my way, I am really trying to understand why. I do have difficulties sometimes but because I have my dreams I keep going. I am trying to focus on myself instead of other people´s thoughts, worries and anxiety. I am willing to try to achieve my dreams and always understand to what is happening to me.

    Your words help me a lot to get over my fear so thank you once again, Z.

    1. Zuzana-
      Thank you for your note. You are keeping your eye on the prize while checking in with yourself daily. this behavior and your desire to kick the crap out of your fear mind will make your dreams a reality! Keep us posted <3
      love love love

  2. This is so helpful Terri. Lately -for months now I have been obsessing about my health. I have been having some minor health issues that have been adding up. I fear doctors and hospitals completely. All of the tests I have been going thru have led me to constantly focus on ME. I am always worried and fear the worst. I think its time to think outside myself. Trust that I am healthy and focus I what I can do to further enhance that. Like you said-I have no control over the tests that I am going thru but I do have control over what I think about my body and health. So I’m going to get this body moving, think more positively and be grateful everyday for what I do have. Love, Mary

  3. I have been beating myself up for not being good with money for the past month. Just this morning I went to meet with a financial advisor and it was very invasive and embarrassing to me. I left there feeling like the biggest LOSER.. ruminating over all the mistakes I have made and how much I could have had if I had made better choices.. literally felt sick. Then I opened up my email and this was in my inbox!
    Ruminating and beating myself up will not change the past. I am making better choices starting today..just by going to speak with the advisor. That was the first step in turning things around. WIth his help I am well on my way to creating a budget so that I can start socking a little a way at a time that is not overwhelming. Thanks!

    1. Oh my dear tiffany…I have been down this road and back mama and you are correct that you took the next right action towards your freedom! YAY YOU!!! It gets better and easier-no shame-just action <3
      love love love

  4. excellent comments! sometimes it takes me awhile to realize that i am getting wrapped in a drama that belongs to someone else. but i always figure out a way to extricate myself. the decisions to focus on what i can change is a good one and one i have practiced for many years. (sounds like the serenity prayer) following through with the action takes a measure of internal courage for me. a lot of courage for me in fact. one of the simple tools i use to help myself is a simple stop and start list. for example, if i recognize that i am engaging in a behavior like reading negative unhelpful news article, i put that behavior on my stop list. i am always careful to add a good start behavior as well, since nature abhors a vacuum! hugs to all reading today.

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