Do you think bullying is a problem predominantly reserved for middle school kids? When you hear stories about bullying, do you identify the sole victim as the child being targeted? Both of these are common assumptions, but statistics informs us that neither is completely accurate.

Times have changed, and those changes are changing us.

What we do know about bullies is that they are most likely being bullied themselves. It is commonly a learned behavior from peers, parents, or both. We also know that bullying is no longer reserved for the schoolyard, teens, or tweens. With the growth of the internet, bullying is now front and center online (cyberbullying) and affects users of all ages.

Before we dive into this phenomenon, I want you to think about how you behave while interacting in cyberland. If you frequently leave comments on blogs or replies to status updates and tweets, are your online responses less kind or more judgmental than your in-person responses might be? Especially if you do not actually know the person?

We are seeing an increase in rude or downright cruel online behavior, especially on blogs and Twitter, which are more anonymous than Facebook. This anonymity seems to give people cyber balls (similar to beer goggles without the excuse of being drunk) that they do not possess in a face-to-face situation. If you have deemed yourself “Judge Judy of the internet,” as my assistant Marie would say, ask yourself why. What’s in it for you? What is the secondary gain of this behavior? How do you feel after you press the “post” button?

It’s time to look at online interaction as real life, because whether you like it or not, it is.

I want to invite/inspire/challenge you to be as polite, supportive, and mindful of the power of words as weapons online as you are in your interpersonal interactions. It’s easy to post something without giving it much thought, but before you press the “post” or “publish” button, pause for one deep breath and ask yourself these questions from Buddhist and Hindu teachings, often referred to as “the three gates of speech:” Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind. Ask them in this order, and only if the answer to all three is “yes” does your comment get the green light for publishing.

A mindful cyberland filled with conscious interactions and caring humans can help restore the civility that reality television and the 24-hour news cycle have been stripping from our social fabric for the past decade.

You are either part of the problem or part of the solution.

This is an interesting conversation that affects most of us, so please share your thoughts on cyberbullying. Have you been on the giving and/or receiving end of it? Do you find social protocol breaks down online? Let us know in the comments section!

I hope you have an amazing week, filled with true, necessary, and kind words to share to yourself and others.

Love Love Love

Terri

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  1. You have a great outlook on this problem. We have a novel approach to cyberbullying and would appreciate your take on it. Twitter: @tooblocked

    Hopefully all our efforts make the world a little kinder.
    Greg

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  3. I try my hardest to make sure no one regrets having communicated with me, in person, over the phone, and cyberland. Not always easy but always worth the effort.

  4. Cyberbullying is SO not the norm on the cyber-neighbourhoods that I hang out in that its easy to turn a blind eye. But I think its a reflection of the isolation so prevalent in society generally. People seem to have no compunction about trash talking, or seeking to score points on people who aren’t members of their tribe or inner circle. It’s as if people have lost their sense of belonging.

    When I was growing up, a child knew if they said or did something inappropriate on the way home from school, they would be corrected by any adult who happened to be in the vicinity, and likely their parents would know all about the infraction by the time they got home, so they would generally get it again. These days, adults don’t have that same sense of community and responsibility for training up the kids in the community. So the village is crumbling and the kids are running amok.

    Most days I have confidence that people will recognize what’s happening and step up to restore that sense of belonging and community, on dark days however I fear our communities will continue to devolve and become like Lord of the Flies.

    1. Anne-
      I feel compelled to have confidence on ALL days that the tide is turning and I am committed to being a part of the restoration of kindness 😉 Thank you for your thoughtful comment~love having like minded souls to share this work with <3

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