psychos and narcissists

Have you ever been in an argument with someone where you feel like they are intentionally misunderstanding what you’re saying? They twist every single word to leave you feeling frustrated and hopeless like you just can’t make your point to them. Or do they distort reality and deny what you KNOW to be true (gas lighting)?

These are just a few examples of daily experiences you might be enduring if you are involved with a narcissist, psychopath or mentally unhealthy person. In today’s video, I am giving you some solid information about how to manage these types of personality types. The conventional wisdom of going NO CONTACT is not an option for everyone. If you have a child together or are taking care of or living with aging parents who are narcs, you are forced to interact. So, if you cannot avoid engaging with them all together, let’s discuss how can you avoid engaging with them in a way that will destroy you. This video is for those of you who cannot go NO CONTACT but are committed to getting empowered.

In today’s video, I’ll be covering:
1. The Gray Rock Method
2. Tips for employing this method
3. How to set boundaries with narcissists and psychopaths in a safe way
4. How to avoid “checking out” in life while disengaging with unhealthy people

Many of you have probably heard of the Gray Rock Method. It originated online in 2012, by the avatar “Skylar,” who wrote about how they escaped a 25-year relationship with a narc and what a stranger taught them about being so uninteresting that the narc loses interest in YOU. By now the Gray Rock Method has taught millions of others how to become as uninteresting to their narcissist or psychopath as a gray rock. This method, which is highly effective as I’ve seen with many of my clients, is primarily a way of encouraging the unbalanced person in your life to lose interest in you. It differs from going NO CONTACT because it is not dramatic (creating narcissistic supply) like that and depletes your connection of tension and energy rather than fueling it. If you employ the Gray Rock method, you’re not avoiding contact, you’re just changing it. It requires planning and self-control to be effective. Understand that a narcissist or psychopath needs the drama that they stir up with you, so this method teaches you to do nothing interesting, thereby starving the narc, who will naturally move onto new prey or the next shiny object. They will begin to understand consciously and unconsciously that there won’t be satisfaction from you in regards to the narcissistic supply that they need. When this happens, you will be relieved of being their main target.

So, what does this look like? How do you actually become boring and uninteresting? Skylar went on to explain that if you have anything that you value or anything nice, you should literally replace it with something old and uninteresting. Meaning, if you have a nice car, replace it with an old one. Narcs are also driven by envy, so work hard to be as UN-enviable as possible.

I believe the most important lesson with this method is for you to not allow the narcissist/psychopath to push your buttons. Don’t allow them to suck you into that dance that you’ve been doing with them. It really requires you to practice controlling your own response so you can avoid engaging with this person because engaging gives them the power to hurt you, feeds their twisted need for drama and to cause pain PLUS perpetuates the cycle.

The Gray Rock Method is highly effective, but I want you to be very mindful when practicing this. You don’t want to pull back and refrain from responding in all areas of your life, as this can put you on a path to disassociating, which is a defense mechanism to minimize or tolerate stress, conflict or boredom. If you use disassociation too much, you can become too removed or numb to ALL of the experiences of your life, not just the chosen ones. Be mindful when using this Gray Rock Method to give yourself expansion and time to make a plan before employing it. Please do this in a very safe way. I am sending you so much strength and courage to get your Bulletproof Protection ON!

Click here to download the Gray Rock Method Tips and Tricks for a practical approach to this strategy.

And Ladies! Don’t miss, the “3 Simple Steps to Become a Boundary Ninja” FREE Masterclass on September 8th! Click here to grab your seat.

Join us to become the Boundary Ninja you know you were meant to be!

Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!

All Love & Boundaries,

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  1. Am in the midst of dealing with my covert narcissist bf. Have watched a lot of your videos and have found tremendous help! Thank you so much! Started with the boundary boot camp which really made me think about things and finding myself here now after several months of vacillating between ‘no, can’t be ‘ and ‘omg this is real ‘. Thankfully he has found a fresh new supply (although she’s married and calls him her ‘brother ‘) so hoping I can quietly do the grey rock method and end this once and for all.

    1. I’m cheering you on Heather and sending you strength to heal and end this situation. I see you, and I appreciate you being here.

  2. Thank you Terri for all of the vids and blogs on boundaries. I’m a codependent and my husband is a covert naracissist. We have been doing the dance for 32 years. When I started to turn away and not fuel his supply, he’s now turned my kids against me for his supply by using the “poor pitiful me” type of manipulation on them. They have all said I’m crazy and that everything that has happened in their lives is my fault. I’ve gone no contact with my narc and my older boys of 22 and 19 but, my baby girl is 12 and she will not answer any of my calls or texts. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I’ve been educating myself on codependent behavior and boundaries. This has been the hardest and hurtful journey I’ve ever had to make. I thank you for all of your words of wisdom and will continue to watch and listen to your expert advice. I’m not going back. I’ve moved out. He filed for divorce first with demands that I will not agree to. He has someone following me daily. I have a large support system with my friends and family. The journey continues……

    1. I’m witnessing you with compassion Stephanie. And I am sending you strength for your healing. Thank you for being here and for sharing.

  3. Hi Terri,
    Thank you for the wonderful video. I realized as a child I learned to adopt the gray rock method with my Mom, and I have fallen into the trap of disassociation. Do you have any tips I can look at to help me climb out of this hole?

    1. I understand , Jennifer. Just google “how to avoid dissociation when using Gray rock method” and there are many resources about this exact thing. See if any of those resonate with you. Sending you good vibes xo

  4. Thank you so much, Terri! Question: We have a child together and the narcissist tries to trigger me through the child by being mean or unfair to him. How do I stay boring but protect my son at the same time? How do I teach my child to apply the grey rock method?

    1. Victoria,
      Of course you want to protect your child above all. It is difficult to to teach a child a complex theory like Gray Rock as it won’t make sense to them. Try to cut the negative energetic cords and spend as little time with your ex as possible. Try to keep your interaction business like and do as much by text and email as you can. Continue to research how to co-parent with a narc who is using the child. There is a lot written about this topic from experts on the subject. Sending you strength and healing.

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