Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring out the best in you, and the worst in you. According to relationship expert Harville Hendrix, we unconsciously choose romantic partners who mirror our unresolved childhood wounds (hopefully so they can be resolved, but that does not always happen.). For an array of reasons the romantic relationship can be an emotionally loaded connection where behavior can swing from extreme kindness to extreme cruelty.
It’s interesting, when you think about how good it feels to be kind, how many people find themselves stuck in a pattern of behaving in an unkind manner towards their partner. Snapping, harsh words, an aggressive tone and thoughtless action all chip away at the foundation that a relationship is built on. For many couples the issue is not intentional cruelty but a lack of intentional kindness.
“Be a little kinder than you have to.” ― E. Lockhart via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}
Click to read the Masters of Love Study on Kindness
Being kind is not always easy. Your partner will undoubtedly annoy and frustrate you. You will not always agree and there will always be life challenges that can strain your relationship. Though the more you practice kindness in your day to day life with your partner, the better equipped you both will be for the times when being kind feels like the most difficult thing to do.
“Be kind anyway.” – Mother Teresa via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}
Kindness to be like a muscle and the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Look at practicing kindness as an exercise that will enhance your life and wellbeing. Take every opportunity to extend kindness to your partner. A simple love note, flowers, a foot rub, deep listening or a hug can go a long way.
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” ― Aesop via @Terri_Cole
Focusing on what is right instead of what is wrong about your partner is also an act of kindness. I am not saying to deny major issues, simply that what you focus on grows. So why not focus on the qualities that drew you together in the first place. Your focus creates your perception. You get to choose what lense you view your partner though.
Relationships take work. It’s amazing how often people forget this. Your level of self awareness directly impacts how well your relationship works. Your partner, just like you, is an imperfect human. They will make mistakes, say and do stupid things and probably hurt your feelings from time to time. This is life. While getting together in a relationship is often easy, keeping it healthy takes effort. And while there is no secret recipe to staying in love, science has proven that kindness plays a major in couples staying together and actually being happy together.
I want to urge you to bring more kindness into your relationship starting today! So below in the comments list 3 ways that you commit to extending kindness to your partner over the next 7 days. In addition to that, start shifting your focus now by listing 3 things that you appreciate and love about your partner. Transformation in relationships is possible. It takes time, effort and personal responsibility, but it is possible! Let kindness be your guide.
This week be kind to your partner and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
Terri
I think I’m less than kind to my husband more often than more. I’d like to change this about myself, but I’m having a hard time letting myself turn toward him when he’s asking for attention rather than away from him. One way that he asks for my attention, is usually by demanding it. For instance, I’ll be working on something pretty important – and totally in the middle of it – when he will want to show me something on his phone. He often scrolls through Facebook at night and watches whatever random videos show up on his feed. He thinks these are hilarious and wants me to take part in the fun. Except I don’t find them funny – and what I find even less funny is that he always calls me to come over to him. If I don’t drop what I’m doing right at that second and walk over to him to feed into whatever he wants to show me, the end reaction is negative. Why is it so hard for him to walk over to me while I am doing my task and ask for my attention in a less disruptive way? Am I wrong that I want to give him my attention on my own terms? Is that defeating the act?
I think you bring up a great point, Meghan. I think when you are not feeling frustrated with him you can try to have a discussion and simply share what you realized and make a simple request that he respect your boundary and that if he wants you to see something on FB etc that he will respect a boundary if you drawn one etc. xo
I just recently started following you. I saw you on NJ Housewives with Dina. You have such a kind and soothing voice. I enjoy getting your newsletters and learning more about myself!! Thank you so very much! God Bless,
Thank your kind words Donna! So happy to connect with you!