Do you feel like you’re trying to outrun the clock when it comes to aging? Is there a part of you that feels like you’re trying to turn back the hands of time? How deeply are you caught up in the anti-aging vibe, and how is it affecting you personally?

I want to talk about something I’m really passionate about. It’s not about not aging, it’s about aging healthily and aging well. But there are so many things that get in the way of us being able to focus on it that way, and so many of those things are unconscious.

I’m going to talk about how anti-aging culture is impacting us, what the emotional toll is, and what you can do about it, and what I’m doing about it. This is an invitation to join me in this pro-living revolution.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Why Anti-Aging Makes Zero Sense

Anti-aging makes zero sense. That’s like saying you’re anti-breathing. The only way not to age is not to be alive.

So why are we spending our precious time, energy, and lives fighting the very thing that keeps us here doing our thing?

How Did We Get Here?

Somewhere along the line, aging for women became the enemy. Gray hair, wrinkles, softness in the body, all became things we were told to fix or avoid.

This is a multi-billion-dollar business built on convincing women that staying young equals staying valuable. It’s patriarchy coupled with capitalism. If women are busy fighting time, they’ll be too distracted to notice the injustices, the double standards, and their own power.

Worrying about aging is a distraction from actually living.

What Happens When We Internalize the Lie

When we internalize the lie that our value declines with time, we can start policing ourselves. We criticize our faces, our bodies, our energy. We shrink ourselves because there’s so much shame associated with aging.

I see brilliant, successful women in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, exhausted and haunted by this notion that they’re running out of time. If you’re running out of youth, you’re running out of value. That is the big lie we have to say we’re not subscribing to.

Look at Hollywood. I used to be a talent agent. We would do a casting, and it would be a 25-year-old wife with three kids, and the husband they’d cast is like a 42-year-old pot-bellied, balding guy. This is just a male fantasy.

The lie that our value evaporates with our youth can keep us small.

Reclaiming the Gaze

What if the gaze, meaning the view we cared about the most, was our own? That was the biggest shift for me.

What if we stopped looking at ourselves through the lens of the male gaze or society’s gaze and really started seeing ourselves through the eyes of the women we’ve become?

I’ve earned every line on my face, every scar, and every ounce of wisdom; they were all hard-won.

When we reclaim this gaze, we reclaim our autonomy. We can shift from “how do I look” to “how do I feel.” From “do they approve” to “do I approve.”

We have to be the ones to change that narrative and reject the narrative that the patriarchy gets to decide that we are not valuable because we’re not 22. I just call bullshit on that, and I invite you to join me.

Your Body

Confident women are mesmerizing. There is a radiance that only comes from women who are done performing or toeing the line. Think about the women who really inspire you. There’s a light, a strength, and a compelling confidence. We are drawn to women living, really living, unapologetically.

I’m not judging the way people take care of themselves. If you want to get work done, get Botox, do whatever you need to do for you to feel good. But what I hope we’re shifting is the lens. If you’re looking at you through your own lens, you have every right to do whatever the hell you want as long as it’s not to fit into an outdated narrative that dictates your worth being directly related to youth.

Anti-Aging Is Anti-Self

When you think about anti-aging, what it really is, is anti-self. There’s a self-rejection.

As I was getting into my mid-fifties (I’m 61 now, I’ll be 62 in March), I started noticing changes, and I was getting really hypercritical. I started thinking, do I want to do something? Should I get a facelift?

And then I really thought, what if I put the same amount of time, energy, bandwidth, effort, and money into radical acceptance and self-celebration of where I am in my life, the person I have become, the contribution I’m making? What if I could celebrate aging as just a normal part of the life cycle?

When I got radically self-accepting, I noticed a shift because I stopped caring so much about what others thought.

I remember when I turned 47, Victor drew this beautiful cartoon of me naked from the back. He put a rainbow above me with 47 in the rainbow, and I asked him to remove it. I didn’t want people to know my age (although kinda funny, I didn’t care if you all saw my naked butt!), and that was so harmful to me, something I was doing to myself.

When I moved into pro-living, it felt like I was opting out of the system. I now choose presence over perfection and radical self-acceptance. It has been revolutionary and such a relief.

5 Things You Can Do

1. Notice Your Language

When you say to yourself or out loud, “I look so old,” I want you to ask yourself: Who taught me to think that way? Where is that coming from?

2. Stop Apologizing for Your Age

Instead of “I’m 52, but I feel 30,” say “I’m 52, and I feel alive.” The most important thing is your health. Be obsessed with the right amount of sleep, drinking water, and eating protein. We can all sleep more. That’s free. You can move your body whether you belong to a gym or not.

3. Celebrate Evidence of Life

Celebrate what you see in the mirror. Stop holding it up to these unrealistic standards that men are not held up to. Some men feel the pressure, but generally speaking, as men age, they become more debonair, and as women age, they become more haggard, according to society. Fuck that.

4. Curate Your Influences

Unfollow accounts that make you feel like shit, that make you feel small. Fill your feed with women who are living out loud, who are doing things that inspire you. It’s not just the physical beauty, that’s just one piece.

I’m obsessed with women who are alive, who are doing new things, who are taking up ballroom dancing at 85 as Louise Hay did. Let’s follow them. Let’s get inspired by them.

5. Shift from Performance to Presence

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your worth is inherent in who you are. We’ve just got to stop trying to prove ourselves.

It’s time for the next generation of young women. Let’s be good aunties and good big sisters. Let’s help this next generation through menopause with what we’ve learned because of what we went through. Let’s do it better together.

This Is Political, Not Just Personal

If collectively we reject this patriarchal bullshit, we’ll all be so much happier. Being pro-living is political. When we stop fighting ourselves, the system loses its grip on us. We can redirect our energy away from self-criticism and towards creation, pleasure, and peace.

You, my dear, are not past your prime. You can be in your power right now.

You don’t need to reverse time. You just need to be here now. Enjoy this season of your life. Don’t long for other seasons because they’re gone. Be here now because it’s amazing.

If this resonated with you, share it with a friend. The more women who join this revolution of pro-living, the better.

Remember, your value doesn’t have to decrease with age. It can deepen, just like your wisdom.

Transform your mindset from anti-aging to pro-living in the free guide here. As always, take care of you.

Q: Why do I feel so anxious about getting older as a woman?

You’re not alone. We’ve been conditioned by a multi-billion-dollar industry built on convincing women that staying young equals staying valuable. It’s patriarchy coupled with capitalism working together, telling us that if women are busy fighting time, they’ll be too distracted to notice their power. The anxiety comes from internalizing the lie that our value declines with time. When we believe this, we start policing ourselves, criticizing our faces, our bodies, our energy. We shrink ourselves because there’s so much shame associated with aging. The shift happens when you realize you’re running out of youth doesn’t mean you’re running out of worth.

Q: How do I stop caring what others think about how I look as I age?

The biggest shift is reclaiming the gaze. What if the view you cared about most was your own? Stop looking at yourself through the lens of the male gaze or society’s gaze and start seeing yourself through the eyes of the woman you’ve become and the woman you are becoming. You’ve earned every line on your face, every scar, every ounce of wisdom was hard won. When you reclaim this gaze, you reclaim your autonomy. You shift from “how do I look” to “how do I feel.” From “do they approve” to “do I approve.” Less about “what do you think about me” and more about “what do I think about me.”

Q: Is it okay to get Botox or cosmetic procedures if I’m trying to age naturally?

This isn’t about judging how anyone chooses to age. If you want to get work done, get Botox, whatever you need to do for you to feel good, do it. What we’re shifting is the lens. If you’re looking at yourself through your own lens, you have every right to do whatever the hell you want. The difference is whether you’re doing it for yourself or to fit into an outdated narrative that dictates your worth is directly related to youth. When you’re making choices from a place of radical self-acceptance rather than self-rejection, that’s what matters. Anti-aging is really anti-self; it’s a form of self-rejection.

Q: How can I feel confident about aging when society values youth so much?

Start by noticing your language. When you say, “I look so old,” ask yourself who taught you to think that way and where that is coming from. Stop apologizing for your age. Instead of “I’m 52, but I feel 30,” say “I’m 52, and I feel alive.” Celebrate what you see in the mirror instead of holding yourself up to unrealistic standards that men are not held up to. Curate your influences by unfollowing accounts that make you feel small and filling your feed with women who are living out loud. Shift from performance to presence because you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Your worth is inherent in who you are. You’re not past your prime; you are in your power right now.