Would you ever speak to your favorite child or your beloved using the same language and tone of voice that you sometimes speak to yourself? I bet the answer is, no.
Many people endure constant negative commentary from an inner shit-talker or mafia mind that they rarely question. Take a moment right now to identify any habitual negative things you might say to yourself. Do you call yourself demeaning names? Do you put yourself down and harp on your flaws? Are you straight up mean to yourself in a way that you would never be to someone else?
When asked this question to clients, most will reply, “Oh my gosh, No!” or “Of course not!” I think we can all agree that we deserve the same consideration we give others. So much of the time the negative voice was internalized long ago from a critical parent or authority figure and is not even our own.
This brings me to today’s Hello Freedom podcast featuring a conversation with Amy E. Smith, who’s an empowerment coach and creator of The Joy Junkie. I discovered Amy’s work when I stumbled upon her ebook titled, How to Stand Up for Yourself without Being a Dick- 9 Proven Challenges to Radically Improve Your Self-Confidence and Self-Love, which I immediately downloaded and loved! As I delved deeper into her blog I became intrigued by her tips and strategies to shut up your inner critic. And I’m not talking about your intuition – I’m talking about the repetitive negative commentary that you may have rolling through your mind. So many powerful, successful women who seek my help have a brutal inner mean chick who is still torturing them daily. Why don’t we work to find out where that negative self-talk comes from instead of believing it, so we can change it? What is there to gain from this kind of self-talk? As a therapist, I am positive that you have the power to identify and shut down the mean girl inside of you. I was impressed with Amy’s suggestions and her no nonsense, step by step guide to achieving that result.
Amy inspires people to move beyond their limiting beliefs and sabotaging mindsets to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-love. Her main focus is helping clients find their authentic voice. I totally clicked with her and loved what she had to say, and I think you will too.
Try this “Self-Talk Inventory” exercise, from Amy’s ebook, to identify the content of your negative self-talk.
Step 1: Identify your inner critic’s language with a self-talk inventory by paying particular attention to how you speak to yourself.
Answer these questions: What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? Drop something/spill something? What do you say about your parenting or your relationships or your intelligence? Do you get triggered by specific issues like weight, appearance, work, or health?
Step 2: Look out for these shit-talker lines: “I’m so _____” or “I’m a _____.” Also watch out for the “what ifs” and “shoulds.” Typically, these are all disempowering statements that seek out perfectionism and encourage your inner bully.
Step 3: Take note of all the ways you speak to yourself today on a piece of paper and write “Today, I noticed my inner critic saying” at the top.
This exercise will help you identify the shit-talking you are doing with yourself (you can’t fix a problem if you don’t recognize it first), so that you can begin to interrupt the flow of negative self-talk. Check out the podcast now for even more ways to shut down (and shut up!) your inner self-critic and unleash your inner Badass!
You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher or TuneIn
“If your intention is one of self love, of communication, of compassion, of honesty, of integrity, that’s what you’re responsible for, because the reception is going to be all across the board.” – Amy E. Smith
- How to find your authentic voice
- What fallacies we have about standing up for ourselves
- Why you have to take responsibility for your intention
- Why it’s ok to feel hurt
- The value of creating opportunity for your loved ones
“You can deliver extremely polarizing view points with the utmost kindness and grace.” – Amy E. Smith
- How to smack down your inner shit talker
- The balance between your past and your future
- How she became an empowerment expert
- Why she lets herself indulge
- The value of peace of mind
“At least give your loved ones the opportunity to be what you need.” – Amy E. Smith
- Listen to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson
- Check out Amy’s podcast
- Learn how to Stand Up For Yourself Without Being a Dick
- Connect with Amy:
“Freedom is that peace of mind and knowing that when there’s intermittent chaos, when I’m not at my best, that it’s fleeting.” – Amy E. Smith
*Featured image courtesy of Katie Tegtmeyer