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“So much of the time, we say ‘it’s fine’ long before we’ve checked in with ourselves. As HFCs, we don’t want to burden other people with how we feel.” – Terri Cole

Intro

“It’s fine.” “I got it.” “Don’t worry about me.” “I’ll figure it out.”

If you say one of these without thinking, several times a day, this episode is for you. These are the phrases that keep us stuck in high-functioning codependent behavior, and they sound generous. But there is an invisibility to what we are doing, and a cost.

These automatic behaviors are a nervous system response, habituated over years. As high-functioning codependents (HFCs), we react before we think, the moment a problem comes up. Learning to pause is the intervention. That moment before you say I got it is where the work happens, because on autopilot it is hard to change what comes out of your mouth.

Highlights:

• 7:00 Why do you say “It’s fine” when it’s not fine?
• 9:10 How self-abandoning prevents repair
• 12:10 How HFCs train everyone to stop offering help
• 19:00 The cost of not letting people in

Links Mentioned:

Here is the guide to go along with today’s episode: https://www.terricole.com/do-you-know-what-you-need-guide

Join the Terri Cole Membership at https://www.terricole.com/tcm/ to find a soft place to land in a hard world– Somewhere to share accountability and community to improve your mental health while you live your everyday life.

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