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“Even if you’re in conflict with your person, they’re still your person, right? So you still want to be relating to them in a loving and generous way to the best of your ability.” – Terri Cole


Does it ever feel challenging to get through to your partner when you’re in conflict?

Do they become endlessly defensive when you raise an issue?

Or do they bring up unrelated problems they have with you or the relationship?

Are you the defensive one?

Many of you have written in to ask about navigating issues with defensive or conflict-avoidant partners. This episode is my answer. 

We’ll cover why clean conflict and fair fighting are critical to successful relationships, what this looks like in practice, and tips for having healthier, more constructive conflict.


  • 4:40 Why clean conflict is important for healthy relationships
  • 7:20 Creating the time we need to respond instead of react
  • 10:15 What does clean conflict look like?
  • 16:00 Expect that changing dynamics will take a little time
  • 16:30 Create a vision and have regular check-ins as a couple

Links Mentioned:

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Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

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