Toxic Experience or Relationship

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“If you find that you are overly invested in the feeling states, the outcomes, the decisions, the life, or the friends of your partner, remember that these are just behavioral patterns. Yeah, they’re disordered, without a doubt— But you can change them.” – Terri Cole

 

Intro

When something bad happens to your partner, does it feel like it’s happening to you, too?

Are you compelled to fix what you see as the ‘problems’ in their life? 

Do you find areas in which they can improve to help them become ‘better’? 

Do you feel like it is your job to prevent them from getting into bad situations? 

If you are nodding your head, you might be in a codependent relationship. 

In this episode, I break down what codependency is and give you powerful questions you can answer to gain clarity about your codependent behaviors (which is the first step to healing).


Highlights:

  • 3:00 Defining codependent behavior
  • 4:25 Codependency is not a permanent state
  • Signs that your relationship may be codependent
    • 6:00 You feel like your partner’s needs are more important than your own. 
    • 7:10 It’s hard for you to express your needs and your preferences
    • 8:14 You do most of the giving in the relationship and receive little help in return
    • 9:35 You do things for your partner or adult child that they can and should be doing themselves
    • 10:30 It’s difficult for you to separate your feeling state from the other person’s
    • 12:10 You are afraid of rejection, disapproval, and abandonment
    • 12:40 You rely on the validation of others to feel valuable or worthy
    • 13:05 Your communication is ineffective
    • 13:55 You feel like you can’t live without the other person
  • 14:40 Many codependent patterns begin in childhood
  • 16:05 Over-functioners attract people with problems they think they can fix

Links Mentioned:

Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

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