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“Euphoric recall is based on a false narrative– It’s not real. Nothing in life is all good or all bad, right? There are nuances and shades of grey in everything.” – Terri Cole
Intro
Do you minimize your negative past experiences?
Or do you have selective memory, where you only remember the good from a painful relationship or time in your life? Almost like hyper-positivity with past experiences?
Do you feel tempted to return to these toxic relationships or experiences?
If you’re nodding your head, you are not alone. I see this in many of my therapy clients, and I figured if it is happening with them, maybe you are experiencing this, too.
In this episode, I am talking about euphoric recall – what it is, why it’s dangerous, and how to protect yourself from falling back into old, toxic patterns or relationships.
Highlights:
- 03:20 Defining euphoric recall
- 05:30 Why euphoric recall arises in abusive relationships
- 10:40 Recognize that euphoric recall is based on a false narrative
- 11:30 Interrupt the pattern that leads to euphoric recall by playing the tape forward
- 17:20 Remember to take care of yourself as a survivor and protect your strength
Links Mentioned:
Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.
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Hi Terri,
Thank you SO MUCH for putting a name to something I've struggled with my partner over for decades. I was wondering if you could address the things the partner of someone who has euphoric recall can do to balance the euphoric recall or help the partner see the whole picture. My husband has ALWAYS only remembered the good parts of things, and he holds this like a badge; he thinks this makes him an amazing and super positive person. When I bring up the not-so-good parts of events (i.e. if he wants to go to a party where something negative happened the last time we went, or he wants to go hang out with friends where one of them consistently doesn't treat me very well), he accuses me of "only remembering the bad things." This feels like gaslighting and turns into a kind of a superiority thing for him – he's obviously more evolved, more enlightened, and better than me because he simply "doesn't hold onto" the bad things. I can remember BOTH the good and the bad things, and feel like I'm able to make balanced decisions because I'm trying to avoid situations that cross my boundaries. But then he accuses me of holding grudges, which I feel is inaccurate – I simply don't want to put myself in a situation where someone treated me badly or where everyone was drunk and obnoxious, etc.
As a side note, he is also an addict/alcoholic, about a year plus into sobriety from alcohol after 30 years of heavy drinking. I wonder if euphoric recall is common with people who have AUD/SUD?
Hi K- I can’t know for sure, obviously, but your situation sounds very driven by addiction, denial, and subtext. And yes, euphoric recall. You were subjected to alcoholic drinking for decades as he apparently did not think it was a problem- or not bad enough to stop. Underneath him saying you “hold grudges” and only think of the “negative” might be him saying “you don’t/didn’t approve of my drinking and that lifestyle and I resent your disapproval, so I will make you feel bad by blaming you.” Even though he is in recovery now, old patterns die hard. Also, I would stand firm in your boundaries (like not spending time with obnoxious drunk people) and not try to convince him that you have a right to them because you do, whether he recognizes it or not. Sending you strength ❤️