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“Trust is impossible if emotional abuse is present.” – Terri Cole
Intro
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with someone who calls you names when they get mad?
Or someone who slams doors when they get frustrated?
What about someone who mocks you or makes fun of you when you’re in an argument?
If you are nodding your head yes, then today’s episode is right for you. I am covering how to identify emotional abuse and some safety steps you can take. Because no matter what the other person might say, abuse is not OK.
Highlights:
- 02:50 What emotional abuse is
- 05:33 Defining abuse
- 06:16 Understanding previous experiences with emotional safety
- 07:11 How we create emotional safety
- 09:46 How appropriate boundaries can help
Links Mentioned:
Grab the Spot Emotional Abuse Guide
Listen to the Emotional Manipulation Episode
How to Safely Leave an Abusive Relationship
Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style
Here are some ways I can support you:
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
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Hi where can I find the “fair fighting” download? My partner can be really cruel when we argue and “fights to win” in your words ? thanks for the soothing informative podcasts x
Hi Katy,
Thank you for being here! If you click here, you can sign up for the safety tips, including the fair fight download ❤️ https://www.terricole.com/spot-emotional-abuse-guide/
Thank you for sharing “that it is NOT ok to accept” what became a pattern in our behaviour. Your words have put meaning to how I felt which I found hard to describe to my partner, because it crossed the line of being ‘normal’…..Terri, you have helped create clarity and direction from what was first perceived as the fog of confusion, but was ‘actually’ the living, breathing truth.
Hi Glenda,
I’m so glad this resonated for you! I’m cheering you on as you continue to set boundaries and establish yourself in your relationship. ❤️?
I love your content and get a lot out of it. But something that feels missing is advice for those of us who are the perpetrators of overstepping boundaries or even exhibiting abusive behaviors. If I see myself reverting to learned behavior and becoming emotionally abusive, what should I do?
Hi Angela,
Thank you for your question and for being here. If you notice that you’re reverting, it’s helpful to slow the situation down, remove yourself and find a way to calm yourself. This is a case by case basis, so it depends on what techniques help you to refocus and calm yourself in stressful situations. When you’re able to think more clearly, you can make better decisions for yourself and for those around you.
Hi Terri.
Thanks for this information. My ageing parents have emotionally abusive and manipulative tendencies. In particular my Dad witholds affection and goes silent with unspoken judgements. He pretends there are no problems when there clearly are. I’m struggling to work out how to care for my ageing parents who need more support and how to protect myself from the emotionaly manipulative and abusive behavior. My adult brother has a mental illness and lives with my parents, complicating the situation further. He never left home. My brother is frequently emotionally abusive towards my parents, using silence and the threat of relapse to control them.
I’m struggling to decode my parents behavior, keep myself safe, and figure out how to care for them. I live in a different state, keeping physical distance to protect myself.
Can you offer any comment?
Many thanks for the information you provide on your podcast.
Warm regards,
Suze
Hi Suze,
That is such a difficult situation with many things to juggle. First, I’m holding space for you with so much empathy ❤️. I think it’s important here to work out for yourself what your boundaries are in terms of helping out. It’s good that you’re in a different state and can have that physical distance. Keep in mind that this is not your responsibility to solve all of these problems and help everyone else. Also, remember that you can’t help anyone if you aren’t helping yourself first. Prioritize yourself and your needs. ?
Thank you so much for your honesty and being so brave. I have been trying for so many years to change my behaviour. I apologise, but end up doing it again when I get angry.