Why do you respond or react the way you do? This about self-regulation and your reactivity mode. My mission here is to really help you strengthen your own self-regulating muscle.
I talk about what reactivity and self-regulation is, the danger of making excuses for other people’s behaviors, the passive aggressive ways of expressing displeasure, and the Freudian perspective on self-regulation.
The real question you should be asking yourself is what can you do? Today, I am going to share the importance of mindfulness and meditation and very simple apps that you can use to help with your mindfulness practice.
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“Self-regulating is our ability to manage disruptive or upsetting emotions and/or impulse.” – Terri Cole
Show Notes:
- Why do you respond or react the way you do?
- The danger of making excuses for other peoples bad behavior
- What are the ways of bad self-regulation
- What is a reactivity mode?
- The passive aggressive ways of expressing displeasure
- The importance of mindfulness
- What you can do to strengthen your own self-regulating muscle
- The common ways to know we are in reactivity mode
“The more you understand what it is, the more you can put your energy into creating the internal space that you need when you are upset.” – Terri Cole
Links Mentioned:
“We are the most activated when we are in conflict and we are feeling threatened.” – Terri Cole
I have learnt many of these lessons through life experience and my meditation practice has been a big facilitator of that, so nice to hear it all summarised here in such a clear way, thank you Terri! I often struggled with the feeling I was the victim in these situations. There was, well still is at times, a pattern of getting reactive because of the others unconscious stuff – projections or another having all kinds of ideas or labels they wanted to put on me, roles to place me in etc. I wonder what you might have learnt on this version of the pattern. Because in a way I am taking the consequences of another’s stuff, yet, it’s always up to me how I respond. I guess what I am getting at is that this feeling of being a victim in it, or that it was unfair, that I was holding a burden because of another, made it harder at times to make new choices. At least it felt this way, I had much less trouble with plain disagreements or different opinions with others.
Hi Lucy,
This is an excellent share! I’m so happy to hear your meditation practice is helping you to center around all of these life experiences. Continue to work on mastering self-regulation and remember to put yourself and your well-being before the desires and expectations of everyone else ❤️
I loved the description of Self regulation and how it is a skill that will develop resiliency in times of triggered conflict. I really need this info and will work on this. I would love for it to be the subject of a mini-course.
Triggered reactivity in conflict with my partner has been one of the most painful and disappointing aspects of our relationship. So, I am grateful for these gems of wisdom and expertise
Hi Jodine,
I’m so glad the content resonated and I really appreciate the suggestion for a mini-course. Thank you for being here, and for sharing ❤️