stop wrecking your relationships

Three Ways to STOP Wrecking Your Relationships on Hello Freedom with Terri ColeDo you ever get frustrated at your significant other or your roommate for a certain behavior? Maybe they always text you and you prefer talking on the phone. Maybe they leave their dishes in the sink. Well I have a question for you – have you ever told them that you would prefer something different?

Today I’m talking about how you might be wrecking your relationships. Specifically, I’m identifying three kinds of boundaries, why you need to set them, and how to set them. What kind of language should you use? What should you say? When should you have these conversations? I’m answering all these questions and more in today’s episode.

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“You’re setting people up to fail because they don’t know how you feel, they don’t know what you want, they don’t know what your preference is.” – Terri Cole

Show Notes:

  • What falls under physical boundaries: your body and nudity, your environment, your belongings and stuff, your sexual self
  • Why physical boundaries are important
  • How not setting boundaries sets up the other person to fail
  • What falls under mental boundaries: your thoughts, values, opinions
  • Mental boundaries can go the other way and be too strict
  • How to keep an open mind
  • What falls under emotional boundaries: keeping your emotions separate from anyone else’s
  • Emotional boundaries can help define your responsibilities
  • Why you’re allowed to have emotional privacy even in a relationship
  • How to set good emotional boundaries
  • The connection between the disease to please and setting boundaries
  • You have to understand the language of boundaries
  • Set boundaries early

“You don’t just have a right, you have an obligation to be clear about your boundaries.” – Terri Cole

3 Steps to Drawing Healthy Boundaries:

    1. Dial into your own feelings
    2. Think before you speak and make a plan
    3. Always use “I” statements and healthy non-violent communication

“You don’t owe anyone, not even your partner.” – Terri Cole

Links Mentioned:

“We have to learn when to say yes and when to say no.” – Terri Cole

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  1. This is a conversation that we all need to hear about, and have with ourselves. It is clear to see how so many of us have trouble with setting boundaries, as we may not have grown up with it being shown to us as sons or daughters. It is so simple in theory but difficult in practice. Especially difficult when the two people in relationship have boundary difficulties in a way that makes it symbiotic: when one person changes a boundary in a relationship after the pattern was established, the other person’s boundary changes too. The other person may or may not be happy about the new boundary lines. It would be helpful if you can comment in future podcasts on ways to navigate this without allowing THIS to become the new way to wreck a relationship. True, some relationships will not survive. But that also is a good topic to explore: can any relationship survive a revision of boundary setting? How can you tell if it’s a lost cause? Thanks for your efforts in the area. Good stuff!

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