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“Why are you setting this boundary, and why now? Get really clear that your heart is in the right place– That you’re not doing it to be mean to someone else, but you need to prioritize the way that you feel.” – Terri Cole



When you say “no” to someone, do you often feel immense guilt afterward?

Or do you second-guess your boundaries after setting them?

I have seen a lot of my therapy clients sacrifice their boundaries due to guilt. But letting guilt sabotage our efforts to have healthy boundaries is a one-way ticket to Bitter Town.

Boundaries are meant to protect ourselves and our relationships. They deepen our connections. Yet, many of us still feel guilty for having and enforcing boundaries.

This episode is about deepening our understanding of post-boundary setting guilt. I talk about what you can do to combat it, how to tell if it is actually guilt you are feeling, and when feeling guilty may be appropriate.


  • 4:05 Boundaries are made up of preferences, desires, limits, and deal breakers
  • 4:40 What happens when we have disordered boundaries?
  • 6:25 How guilt blocks us from setting boundaries
  • 9:45 Reflecting on the relationship you have with yourself first
  • 11:10 Question your boundary guilt
  • 13:15 Distinguish demands from boundaries
  • 14:10 Dial into your intentions

Links Mentioned:

Visit to order the brand new Boundary Boss Workbook that I mentioned in today’s episode!

Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style

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