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“When you’re abandoning yourself, you’re not really helping the people in your life.” – Terri Cole
Intro
When you think about having to draw a boundary by setting a limit, making a request, or saying no to someone in your life, how do you feel?
Stressed? Anxious? Like you want to avoid it at all costs?
In this episode of the Terri Cole Show, I’m getting to the root of that boundary- setting anxiety and talking about ways you can overcome feelings of discomfort so you can become better at boundary setting!
Highlights:
- 02:26 Why does boundary-setting create anxiety?
- 04:43 Impact of codependency on anxiety
- 10:13 Boundary Boss Bill of Rights
- 12:21 Importance of focusing inward
- 12:52 Controlling the monkey mind + way of thinking
- 14:12 What being a boundary boss is really about
Links Mentioned:
Grab your Manage Boundary-Setting Anxiety Guide
Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style
Here are some ways I can support you:
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
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Hello! I just discovered your podcast! I am 17 years old and I struggle a lot with social life and at school with my classmates, and I didn't know why until my teacher told me "have you set boundaries?", I replied I never did because even though I have strong opinions know how to defend them and so on, I'm not a fan of conflicts cause I don't know how to defend myself. This problem was interfering with everything else in my life, my relationship with my big sister, my grades…so I really hope I can became a more confident person and know how to set boundaries! Thank you very much for making this podcast! And greetings from Portugal!
Welcome Lia, I’m so glad to have you here ❤️ You’re in the right place because I wrote a whole book on boundaries and have tons of blogs and videos about it, too! I hope you find the resources helpful.
The anticipation of holding a boundary with someone who has constantly dismissed previous boundaries is giving me massive anxiety. I know that it is my responsibility to hold my boundaries, but I get derailed by his response and I end up wavering.
Lisa, I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Thanks for this, Terrie. I’m a new fan! In listening to this, I realized that I am experiencing some anxiety around setting boundaries with a couple of co-workers. Just realizing that was an a-ha for me. I’m going to try and start limiting our conversations a bit by letting them know when I’m busy and need to get back to what I’m working on. It’s a small thing, but I think any opportunity I can take to set small boundaries will continually reinforce my belief that I deserve to do so, and maybe soon, setting the bigger boundaries won’t seem as hard. <3
HiTeresa,
I’m so glad this resonated for you! I love that you’re taking steps to set boundaries, and I’m cheering you on along the way! ❤️
Reading or should I say studying Boundary Boss. Oh and you called me out. I lent my book to a friend that needed it more than me. Lol. After realizing I couldn’t fix her I asked for it back and clicked “refresh” on our relationship. Instantly felt a weight had been lifted.
Now back to me. Your book and all the rest, pod cast, website etc. have been the key to “something is missing,” “where do I start,” feelings I’ve been carrying around inside since becoming suddenly widowed after 40 years of loving but dysfunctional marriage. I’ve done my time in counseling and am always open to retuning if need be. But my boundary boss roadmap is giving the guidance to put all my life lessons learned into play.
I want to someday marry again but not fall into repeated behavior patterns. I feel if I’m patient and do the work I will have the authentic life I deserve and desire. Thank you Terri. Keep it coming.
Hi Denise,
Thank you so much for your support and for passing Boundary Boss along! I love to hear it ? I’m so glad this is resonating for you and your friend and I love that you’re looking ahead and doing the work it takes to have the life you desire ❤️