abusive relationship

Have you ever questioned your sanity in your relationship? Does your partner often deny a conversation you KNOW the two of you have had or tells you he has, “No idea what you’re talking about” and that “You must be crazy”?


Denying your reality in this way, sometimes referred to as gas-lighting, can be a more subtle sign of what could be an abusive relationship. And it’s far more common than you think. In this video, I’m going to help you see the signs, symptoms and signals of what to look out for so you can avoid an abusive relationship. In my next video, I’ll share strategies on how you can safely exit an abusive relationship if you are already in one. Please know that you are not alone. Don’t let your fear or shame stop you from saving yourself. There are many professionals who deal with abusive situations every day who will believe you and will understand how to help you change your situation.

In this video, you will learn:

    • The Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Different Types of Abusive Relationships (Verbal as well as Physical)
    • How to Identify These Signs in Your Own Life
    • Why Real Love and Abuse Cannot Exist Together


By identifying and understanding the signs of abuse right now, you can prevent yourself from ever being in an abusive relationship. If you see any of these early signs in your relationship now, you can get out before it escalates. One of the early indicators of potential abuse that I discuss in this video includes your partner always watching you. For example, keeping too close an eye on where you are at all times, or invading your privacy by going through your phone, email, mail, purse or pockets, etc. Another sign that you want to watch for is if you’re in a fight or you’re doing something they don’t like, they will threaten to harm themselves or kill themselves. This is a way that they can basically coerce you emotionally into submission. Be aware that that is an extremely manipulative thing to do. Abusive behavior tends to escalate, so another sign is them hurting you in ways that they pretend are playful, like pinching you, holding you too hard or leaving marks on your body that are easy to cover up. If you being in pain isn’t enough for them to stop, they might be an abusive partner.

I go through many more signs of abuse in this video, and I will do a follow-up to this about how to safely leave a controlling and/or abusive relationship.

Please download the full Cheat Sheet: 10 Signs of an Abusive Relationship below now so you can be aware of these indicators. For more information about abusive relationships or to seek help now, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org/ and 1-800-799-7233.

Drop me a comment here on the blog and let me know what resonated with you after watching this video. Then head over to my YouTube Channel and SUBSCRIBE for free access to every Real Love Revolution vid! Join the conversation with #RealLoveRevolution on social media and share the love!

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Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!

And as always, take care of YOU.



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  1. I’ve been watching your videos lately regarding abuse and love. And I’m not sure if I’m in a relationship that’s is in fact going to eventually lead up to domestic violence? Or if I’m just dealing with someone who has anger management issues. I feel like I am at the moment being emotional/mentally abused. I’ve taken some time away from our domestic living arrangement but feel stuck because we are in a long term lease agreement contract ? My partner is in law enforcement which also worries me a little, on how to go about things. Not sure if you offer virtual counseling or could refer me to someone but I could really use some help.

  2. Hi Terri, love your youtube and website, however whenever i try to click on any of the cheat sheets the “open now” link doesn’t do anything, for any of them! Is it possible to list the cheat sheets available for easy download on your blog? I find myself jumping around everywhere on the site but none of the links are working for me. Thank you and much love from Australia xx

  3. Dear Terri,
    Thank you so much for this post. I’m writing because I feel a reality check would be really helpful. I recently left what I felt to be an abusive living situation; constant screaming, not so subtle put downs, gas lighting…even physical abuse. I feel ashamed because I’m in my mid-twenties, and I should have left sooner. I didn’t want to agree to their ultimatums and their terms, and any new agreements we came to quickly dissolved or were disregarded. My parents feel that because they supported me financially through a few lean years ( and have been there for me for my well, entire life) , I owe them everything. I take responsibility for not leaving sooner, and for relying too much on their assistance; the price is far too high. After many repetitive conversations that ended with me being told that I was a terrible, manipulative, lying and deceitful and overly sensitive person with zero friends, we agreed that I would move out. But then the next day, my parent would come up with all sorts of reasons as to why I couldn’t move out. i.e.; you’re not able to take care of yourself (financially or otherwise) you’re not allowed to move out and live in the same city and shame me in front of our community; you have to leave but you are forbidden to go to any family members for help or shelter (how dare you); you don’t make good decisions; and so on and so forth. Well I left while they were out of town, and went to a family member for help. Predictably, my parents are furious. It seems that they still want to control me and want information about what I do and where I go. Frankly, I don’t want to talk to them. Maybe not ever. I feel like I’ve been having the same conversation with them for the past five years; listing every shortcoming I have as a child, that I should apologize and work harder to salvage the relationship, that I don’t share enough, that I haven’t honored their wishes, that they are allowed to treat me however they like because they’ve helped me. Perhaps it’s not the wisest thing to tell an abusive person that you think they’re abusive. When I say that I don’t want to share with them because I don’t feel safe, they reject this outright and serve up some more snide comments like, “if you don’t feel safe with us, who will you feel safe with?” and ,”you’re destroying this family”. I think leaving was a good decision, and that this reaction is in itself indicates how unhealthy the situation is. I feel awful and drained and am just trying to pick myself up, regain some feeling of self worth and move on. I’d be so grateful to hear from you. Thank you.

    1. I am so sorry to hear about your painful situation and I applaud you for leaving!! It sounds like a toxic and abusive situation that no one deserves. Love should not hurt like that. It is your RIGHT to not speak to them if they are abusive. You do not have to justify your actions or choices to them or anyone, ever. You are a grown adult and this is your life. Choose you beauty and know that I am cheering you on!

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