There are certain people that I love spending my time with. My husband, Vic, is one of them. He inspires me to see life through a different lens, makes me laugh and challenges me to be a better person. He is always interested in being a part of the solution, not the problem. He intentionally makes my life better. Then there is my friend, Karen who’s known me for decades, never judges and is a clinical genius. (I am always calling to pick her therapist brain!) These are just two examples of the many relationships in my life that are natural, easy, mutual and harmonious. Of course, just like you, I also have some relationships that are less than ideal.
Think of the relationships in your life. You have the good ones and then the more challenging ones. Do you have friends or siblings where there always seems to be a conflict? To me these are ‘noisy’ relationships that can zap your energy. Some of these more difficult relationships have the potential to, kick up your crazy. So why do we have people in our lives who have the power to make us feel like we might lose control and/or our minds?
There are many legitimate answers to that question. I believe all relationships are assigned to us. If you have a boss, coworker or in-law who drives you nuts, know that they are in your life for a reason. Every relationship is either a blessing or a lesson. Your job is to understand why this person is in your life. What are you meant to learn or resolve from interacting with them? Who do they remind you of? How is your dynamic familiar? Through the process of self discovery, you can move from feeling compelled to stay in these relationships to choosing if you want to stay or not. When you are repeating an unresolved pattern from childhood, like dating unavailable men who represent your emotionally distant father for example, the only way to stop the compulsion towards this pattern is to understand what is driving your actions. If you go back to the original injury and process the pain of having an unavailable Dad, you can stop unconsciously seeking a different outcome through unfulfilling or crazy making romantic experiences.
Understanding the underlying reasons that drive your behavior is the key to becoming truly free in your life and your relationships. Spending time with people who create chaos or make you feel bad about yourself is a waste of your precious life, if you never figure out the real reasons you are being drawn to them. Whether you realize it or not, you can choose who is in your life and how you interact with them. This is not to encourage you to cut off all difficult relationships, it is to inspire you to understand what is really propelling you so you can make conscious choices.
In the comments please share with me how you plan to move forward with those people who kick up your crazy. Will you seek to understand the underlying dynamics of the relationship or set better boundaries? Either way I want to know. Also if you have any questions please feel free to ask. I always look forward to hearing from you.
This week go forward knowing that you have the power to choose who gets the privilege of being in your life.
And as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Andrew Kimmel