When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, do you politely decline their invitation or do you say yes even though you want to say no? Do you lend money to people although you know it will end badly or go to restaurants where you don’t like the food to make someone else happy?
These are all examples of unhealthy boundaries.
In today’s Boundary Bootcamp video, I’m excited to help you de-mystify any boundary issues you may be experiencing. Self-knowledge contains the power of transformation.
In today’s vlog, I discuss:
- Misconceptions about boundaries
- Defining boundaries and blueprints
- Questions to help you understand your personal boundary background
- The impact weak or dysfunctional boundaries might have on your relationships
Misconceptions and confusion about what healthy boundaries are and how to employ them were my inspiration to create the Boundary Bootcamp Challenge. Many of my clients and students fear that drawing boundaries is synonymous with creating a confrontation, being demanding or building relationship walls. This is simply not true if the boundaries you learn to create are healthy and flexible. In fact, healthy boundaries become the bridge to deeper intimacy and more harmony in your relationships. According to Brene Brown, drawing effective boundaries equates to readily telling the people in your life what is okay with you and what is not okay with you. I love this simple, clear explanation but getting there requires a certain amount of self-understanding of what I refer to as your downloaded boundary blueprint.
All of us have downloaded blueprints in our subconscious minds of how things work, in all areas of life. I use the term “blueprint” because a downloaded belief system is like the architectural blueprint for a house…that someone else designed. Whether it’s boundaries, finances, love, health or any other aspect of your life, how you were raised, what you observed, your culture and your home environment, among other factors, informed those blueprints. Blueprints are passed down through generations and if they go unexamined, become your reality. However, just as with any architectural blueprint, you can alter your mind’s framework if the one you have is not producing the results you seek. The first step to becoming a boundary ninja is to understand your current downloaded boundary blueprint because you cannot change what you do not consciously know.
To get started, answer the questions below:
1. Were people allowed to have privacy in the home you grew up in?
2. Were you encouraged or discouraged to express your individual feelings, especially if they differed from the majority?
3. Did your parents problem-solve with calm conversation or with verbal or physical violence?
Click the button below to download the full list of questions for your Downloaded Boundary Blueprint.
Having unhealthy or weak boundaries is exhausting, unsatisfying and counter-productive to you being authentically known. How can anyone authentically love you, if they don’t authentically know you? So please join me during this Boundary Bootcamp Challenge to get your Boundary Intelligence on because you, my dear, deserve to be authentically known and loved!
And ladies, please sign up here to receive your own Boundary Assessment and join our FREE Boundary Bootcamp Challenge crew. Our weekly FREE Q & A livestream started August 11th but please join us for our next Livestream on 8/25 at 5pm ET (you will get an invite to the private Facebook group after signing up for the challenge!) The challenge will run from September 1st to the 7th. Join us to become the Boundary Ninja you know you were meant to be!
Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!
All Love & Boundaries,
Im really in need of therapy , I’m not able to pay for your sessions. I’m 68 yrs old n live on SSI. I have zero funds left after living expenses are paid.
Is there another avenue I can take to enable me to your courses?
Thank You for offering the open talks that you give. Im finding a new way to approach my childhood issues from so many of your topics.
Thank you for writing Valerie and for asking. I have lots of free resources right here and lots of worksheets to guide you through the process. My Youtube channel also has lots of free videos, too.
Where can I find the boundary blueprint?
Your downloaded boundary blueprint is personal to you because it’s a set of beliefs learned in childhood about boundaries. If you click on the pink button at the end of the blog post you can download questions to help you uncover your personal blueprint. I hope this helps. xo
Is this book available anywhere else ?
The book is not available yet. If you take the Boundary Bootcamp course that starts in September you will get receive the Boundary Bible as a part of the course. Stay tuned for details and thank you for being here with us!
Thanks so much for this! Are you planning to offer another Boundary Boundary boot camp this year (2018)?
You’re very welcome, TJ! Yes, I will! Probably around the same time, early September. Hope you can join us!
Can I still benefit from boundary boot camp if I don’t use Facebook?
The course itself which begins on 9/18 will be on our education platform so a Facebook account is not required and the free boundary bootcamp challenge will be on Facebook and will also be available on a separate landing page. All that to say, Facebook is not required for either experience 😉