When you throw a party, do you have fun or do you spend all your time running around, making sure everyone else is having fun? Or when you plan a social activity with friends, are you worried about all of them and if they’re having a good time? Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings? Are you overly concerned?
What I’m talking about today in this Real Love Revolution video is why it’s dangerous to care more about what you imagine other people are feeling than what you’re feeling.
In this video, I cover:
- Why you should be prioritizing yourself
- How to know if you are overly concerned with other people’s feelings
- The typical root of this behavior in chaotic family systems
- How to bring more authenticity into your life
- How to stop overgiving and overdoing
Why are you so concerned about other people’s experience? Simply being female is most likely part of the reason. We are the ones who take the temperature of every person in the room to make sure everyone else is okay. It is part of the way we are socialized. Caring is loving, over-caring is dysfunctional. Being overly dialed into what other people are feeling (or your projection or assumption about it) can get in the way of your self-development. Over-functioning and codependent behavior will eventually lead to feeling empty and bitter because at the end of the day there is nothing left for you.
Here are some questions to help you figure out if you are overly concerned with other people’s feelings: Do you spend too many hours at your job? Do you do way more than your job description because you don’t know how to say no? When people say “Where do you want to go eat?” do you say, “Oh I don’t care, wherever you want is good.” Is that your normal behavior?
For the full list of questions to better understand if you are overgiving, overdoing, and potentially ignoring your own needs, download the Checklist: Do I Care More About Others Than Myself?
So how can you learn to prioritize yourself? I have a few quick tips of how to course correct. Let’s start with your work situation: If you impulsively say yes to extra work and personal favors for co-workers, this is probably getting in the way of you being as productive as you could be and can create resentment. I want you to create a Rules of Engagement list for work. Decide on your limits and boundaries, and how you’re going to be at work. Then decide how you can let others kindly know about your new boundaries. For example, create a policy that you no longer do personal favors for coworkers.
Another tip is to try a weekly date with yourself. Once a week, I want you to commit 2-4 hours to yourself. This could be a creative date, where you could go to a museum or a movie, or perhaps you could walk around different parts of the city or the town that you’re in, or take a drive somewhere. It should be something that really honors exactly how you feel and what you want to be doing for that period of time. Watch this week’s video for more tips and to understand how to bring more authenticity to ALL of your relationships.
Remember, by being overly focused on other people’s feelings, you are denying the people you care about the opportunity to get to know the real you. You deserve to take the time to get reacquainted with yourself, your wants, your needs, and your desires. Because…
How can anyone authentically love you, if you don’t let them authentically know you?
Drop me a comment here on the blog and let me know what resonated with you after watching the video above.
And ladies, if you haven’t yet joined the Real Love Revolution waiting list to gain immediate access to our private FB group and receive a bundle of FREE gifts from me please click here to join us
I was looking for answers or knowledge as to why I work so hard for others only to find myself bitterly disappointed in the end. I watched the video and reading what you wrote helped tremendously. Now a lot makes sense to me. I would like to add that this is possibly a personality trait shared by men also. I see the connection to females. I’ve watched several females in my life act in an overly functioning manner. I just wanted to say that you’ve actually stumbled onto something that’s shared by both genders. Thanks for helping me understand this and how I need to handle it for avoiding all this bitterly disappointment left in the end.
I’m so glad this resonated for you! Thank you for sharing and for being here ❤️
The problem is, I feel inability to try to not try to make sure everybody is okay. I stopped caring that I’m okay because I just don’t matter but others do
Thank you for sharing and for being here. I’m holding space for you with so much compassion ❤️ Try exploring why you want to dive into other peoples’ feelings and avoiding your own wants and needs.
Hi Terri……just to share some thoughts. It is not only women who are overly concerned for how others feel. Men also burn themselves out caring and looking after people, and don’t even know it. Many men are uneducated on how to put a name on their feelings. And, fear of rejection is very strong for some men. Sadly many decided to stay disconnected.
Thank you so much for weighing in on this! I think you are correct in that it is much less socially acceptable for men to talk about these things. I will take this into consideration going forward 😉
Your absolutely right! Who am I? Thank you for your wise words. I am working on this as of now. I want to know who I am and I want to be authentic.
Right on, Tammy!!