Stop Being Manipulated Now

Does your kind and compassionate heart – your generosity – ever leave you feeling like a sucker?


I’m talking about feeling manipulated or used in your life by others. Do you over-give and over-accommodate in your relationships? Are you drawn to people who have high expectations of what you should be doing to them (and you go along?) If any of that sounds familiar, let’s talk about why that might be and how you can change those patterns of behavior.

The first thing you need is awareness. People who grew up in homes where they didn’t feel valued and were trying to get positive feedback from a parent – perhaps a distant mother or emotionally-unavailable father – can be particularly vulnerable as an adult to being manipulated.  This includes those of us who are empaths, as we are very dialed into other people’s feelings and needs. Being aware of your background and how it impacts the kinds of people you attract is important. People who are manipulative are very good at spotting the kind of people they can take advantage of.  

Another key thing is realizing the difference between being needed and being taken advantage of. Do you consider yourself a helper, do you like being needed and helping people? There is a big difference between being truly valued, desired, and needed and being USED. We have all had relationships in our lives with people who have taken advantage of our kindness or who have seen it as a weakness to exploit. These are people who will continually try to get you to do something that benefits them, even if it is not in your best interest.

So how do we identify those people?


  1.  Flattery

Be aware of people you have just met who are being OVER complimentary or flattering. Be mindful of any pattern someone using flattering to “butter you up” before asking you for something.

  1.  Different Faces

Manipulators often go from being sweet and kind to one person, to being cruel and aggressive to another very quickly. What they are doing is continually assessing consciously and unconsciously how they need to behave to get what they want from each person.

  1.  Self-Blame

Keep in mind that manipulative people have an ability to know what buttons to push to get you to do what they want. If you identify this kind of relationship in your life, don’t fall into a default position of blaming yourself, rather try to observe and not make it personal. That will allow you to make a more objective decision about what value this person adds to your life.You need to decide who gets to be in the front row of your life. Start thinking about what and who you want in your life.  

  1.  Mirroring

Manipulative people are sometimes not consciously aware of their behavior. There is a technique where you mirror their unreasonable request or selfishness back to them. Repeat their request back to them starting with “So you are asking me to….”.  Be firm and ask them if they think their request sounds fair. This will also make it clear whether this a request, or whether they are just expecting you to do whatever they say. Our intention with this technique is to hopefully make them aware of their manipulative behavior, f they are not already.

  1.  Resist

You have to resist being manipulated. Manipulators can often make you feel totally engulfed and overwhelmed by what THEY want. Resist allowing anyone to make you feel like you MUST do what they want right now. Manipulative people know how to use urgency as a way of forcing you to do what they want. You don’t owe anyone an instant answer and poor planning on another person’s part does not have to constitute an “emergency” for you.

  1.  No is not a four-letter word.

For many of us, it can be very hard to say ‘No’ but to take back control and create healthy boundaries you must. The only reason you need to give for saying ‘no’ to something, is that you don’t want to.   

I hope that you’ve found this episode helpful and if you did, please share it on your social media platforms and with the people in your life who you think may find it helpful.

As always, take care of you!


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  1. Hello Terri,

    I have come across your video as I needed the answer how to be in a such situations. I can deal with many such situations and while I have some other thing to concentrate on, it is easier to get rid of it from my system. The trouble for me is if I stop taking care of myself.

    I am empath, HSP, people pleaser and a scorpio. So I can sence and unfortunately take in very much of their toxic feelings. I work at school and I have some colleagues, who are highly manipulative and despite many people didn't want to be anywhere near these people, now many are by their side, doing similar things and unkind comments, laugh at someone, sometimes even in front of them. They definitely think they are very cautious of not to say too many things out loud, but as I can sence their emotions, I am reacting to these, too. Well, I have identified the first manipulators in my own life, and trying to forgive them, as I don't want to drag this pattern with me anymore.

    I have tried to make a nice environment for others and forget to do the same for me in the first place. I thought that it was my life's role.. I know I need to change that I need to get stronger sence of selfworth and keep working at it. For this moment it's very good to be able to hear advice like yours. Thank you very much for your help.

    And please note that there are more kinds of pleople that make nice remarks to people without wanting from them something. We are doing it just to make lighter feeling enviroment.

    Wishing you all the best,

    1. Hi Blanka,
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story! I appreciate your wisdom and you being here ❤️

  2. I’m beginning to see how easily I can be manipulated, just coming to terms/understanding codependency; would you consider doing a video on how we can identify our own toxic behaviours or what they look like? It’s so difficult to recognise sometimes when it’s all you’ve known

  3. Hello Terri, what can I do if I realize that I am a manipulator? I was raised by two of them and because of this I flip flop between manipulation and not knowing when/how to set boundaries.
    Thank you for reminding us that NO is not a four letter word! Because I don’t want to…what a gift!

    1. Ruby,
      Your awareness is the first step to all transformation. What is the opposite of manipulating? Speaking honestly and asking for your needs to be met. The more you de-code what you learned from your childhood, the easier it will be to mindfully choose to interact and communicate authentically. Thank you for being here with us!

  4. Thank you Terri for your clear and concise words!
    I am still struggling on the ‘No’. When a friend asks me kindly for some help and I am not able/ don’t want to fulfil that request for whatever reason, I just can’t go with a blunt No. I then decline in a friendly manner. Probably because it feels better to me when someone is declining my request, but still in a clear and friendly way.
    I also struggle with household situations, when my partner obviously doesn’t want to participate or do more then the absolute necessary, but doens’t say so or just delays the task at hand. It feels unfair to do more as a result, on the other hand I surly don’t want to ‘force’ anything on him. It’s a strange dynamic and I have a lot to learn on boundaries !

    1. Myrielle,
      Thanks for sharing here with us! When it comes to household chores most of us don’t ‘want’ to do them -your partner included. And yet they need to get done- the responsibility is both of yours so perhaps re-framing your view of it will help you feel worthy of an equal work partnership.

  5. My mom is a narcissist and dealing with her can make me question my own reality. The idea of a 24hr policy is so very useful. I wonder what mirroring back would sound like, because I think she would just say no I was saying… insert new more convenient narrative, and then find a way for her to feel like a victim because I didn’t agree with her. Is there a way around that? Also thank you for your blog. It has been very empowering for me to learn from listening to you.

    1. Stephanie,
      I am so glad the content on the blog is resonating with you. When someone bold face lies (which is what you are describing)- it is difficult to act like they didn’t-the key is to not react to the best of your ability and honestly consider limiting contact to protect yourself. Any back and forth you get into with her, you will most likely lose if she is a true narc-because rules don’t apply to them in their mind-which means nothing is off limits as winning and getting their way is the end goal.

  6. Thank you for your blogs. They are always so full of valuable information.I wish I could be at the point where NO felt really comfortable to say. Walking towards that goal.

  7. This is so useful! I’ve been very prone to manipulation since I’m an empath, and these tips, especially mirroring the question back is really great. Thanks!

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