This week’s Tune Up Tip is called “Got Ego,” but it really could be called “How Offend-able Are You.”

How often do you find yourself saying things like, “I can’t believe this person said that to me,” “That person owes me an apology,” or “I’m so pissed that they thought [or said] that.” Do you often feel offended?

First, let’s break down what an offense is. It is your ego’s response to what someone else said. When you are offended, you are in an ego-driven state, which is, ultimately, disempowering and a victim mentality. Your Ego, or Self, will fall into one of these categories as a way to cope with the loss of empowerment:

  1. High Ego—power hungry; self absorbed; focus on external image; needs validation from others; blames/condemns others in order to boost self
  2. Low Ego—no power; codependency; lost/confused; plays martyr; never feels gets what deserves; over carrying and worrying; always doubting self and putting self down

Interestingly enough, the high and low egos are two sides of the same coin. Both mask their genuine self by looking outside for validation, are overly concerned with the image they are portraying, tend to blame others, and are never satisfied. Can you see how, depending on your reaction, being offended can fall into either your high or low ego? If your response is something like, “Who do they think they are? I deserve an apology,” then you tend to lean toward the High Ego reaction. If you say something like, “Why is that person picking on me? What did I ever do to them,” you lean more toward the Low Ego response. Neither is a healthy functional response so let’s get to the re-frame!

The cure to being offend-able is to realize that you cannot control others, but you can control how you react and respond to what others say and do.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks. In YOUR life, what matters is what YOU think.

I encourage you to speak your truth, and there is nothing wrong with telling the other person “I did not like that interaction” or “I feel like we can communicate in a less hostile manner,” something along those lines.

This week (seven whole days), I want you to dial into what your immediate reaction wants to be when someone offends you, whether speaking to you or about you, and see if you can take a step back and not react.

What others think of you is none of YOUR business.

It’s about what you think of you. As long as you think you are worthy and amazing, you don’t need to be offended. It is a waste of your precious time and energy and gives the offender control over you.

I would love to know your thoughts about this. Did it offend you ;-)? Please share.

I hope you have an amazing week and, as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love


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  1. Precisely to the point 🙂
    When Person X chooses to get offended by Person Y what happens is the following: Person X handles the control over her emotional well-being to the Person Y, i.e. she seeks the fulfillment outside and it can never be found there. Person X is saying: “Let me outsource the responsibility for my happiness to the Person Y”. Not a healthy way to live your life, IMHO.
    If someone tries to hurts you, the following thought patterns might be handy (based on my own experience):
    1) “I feel secure enough to be a space where you project your fears, pain and insecurities into”
    2) “I am letting you to be unconscious and do not hold you responsible, since you dont’ have a choice when you are unconscious”
    3) “I recognize your right to possess an Ego, but I don’t recognize the right of Ego to possess us”

  2. Terri, thank you so much for this amazing post. God is truly working through you to change lives. I love how you broke this down in different steps. I feel so much better from reading this post. I’m very grateful, we all need to continue to serve and help others by lifting each other up with positivity, just like you’re doing with this amazing post. Thanks ???

  3. Super insightful. I have been noticing that more and more people are living in the offended state which probably does justify being overly judgmental. I have also noticed that I myself has changed and have become more offended over things which never used to offend me. So I have had to set the intention to set realistic boundaries rather than just getting upset. “The chronically offended is chronically offensive”-author unknown

  4. This morning, a woman at the dog park stopped me and took me to task for not saying hello to her. I don’t know this woman other than from a few casual and brief interactions we have had a the same park several times in the past. Today, she was all the way across the park and I didn’t see her due to the bright sunlight in my eyes nor did I hear her greet me over all the noise. Still, she felt the need to stop me, a virtual stranger, and tell me that I am “always rude and unfriendly, unlike everyone else at [that] park” and that she was “extremely offended” that I didn’t respond to her greeting. My actions were not intentional and this accusation caught me completely off guard. I apologized for not responding and then tried to explain that I honestly had not heard her. She didn’t want to hear it and continued to berate me for a number of perceived and completely false past transgressions in which I also allegedly ignored her. The entire interaction left a bad taste in my mouth and I’m not sure what to do the next time I see this woman since we are often at the park at the same time. I have no interest in being friendly with someone who was willing to jump to the worst conclusion about me rather than giving someone the benefit of the doubt. However, it is only a matter of time before I will see her again. What would you recommend I do when our paths cross again?

    1. JAB, I’m only getting my information from you, though from what I’m reading it sounds like you are being bullied into befriending this woman (even if it is on a casual level). I can’t tell you what to do when you see her again, only you can decide that. However, what I can suggest is that you meditate on it and perhaps use some of the tips in this blog to zip up your energy next time you head to the park Remind yourself that you are an adult; you doesn’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. Though, also remind yourself to try and make your choices and actions from a place of love. You don’t know much about this woman or what she’s been through in her past. Not that it is your job to compensate for that, but remember that when dealing with difficult people compassion can be key. Compassion can help you rise above. Forgive her for what she said, do this for yourself, so that you don’t carry around that “bad taste” with you. I hope these other resources help you remember to take care of you. Keep us posted and please let me know if I can help in any other way.

    1. I want to encourage you to remember, their lack of response is not about you, it’s about them. Whether they completely ignore you or come up and give you a big hug, has no bearing on who you are and your worthiness. I can’t tell you how to move forward in this situation, only you can decide that. Though I know for myself, it feels good to extend love and kindness. So I do it, for me. Not to get a response, not in hopes that I will get something back, but because it makes me feel good. If saying hi and waving feels a bit much right now for you then perhaps silently send the other mothers love, again because it will make you feel good. There is no bad thing that can happen from extending love. Regardless of what you choose to do, give yourself some love, because you are worthy and you deserve it. Also, keep taking care of you. Lots of love, Terri

  5. Hi Terri, ^_^
    Your video actually stab me like a knife through the heart. I am currently in a new relationship after being single for quite some time. I often find myself feeling totally pissed at him and thought that he needed to apologize. But reading through all of the above comments did shed some light to my issue. I did tried to walk away from the negativity that our conversation leads to, but then I always come back feeling more pissed. This usually happens when I’m in a relationship. What can I do to make myself feel better and solve our communication problems? Thanks!

    1. Aeisyah, your self-awareness is a big step in your journey of healing. Congrats on that! It seems that whatever was said between you and this man really triggered you. I’d encourage you to check out my downloaded love blueprint
      This exercise may be able to shine some light on why you are having such a hard time letting go of what happened and what was said. Take some time and fill it out. Then be sure to report back and let me know what you uncover. – Lots of love – Terri

    1. C O A,
      Letting someone abuse you is clearly unhealthy and not what I am suggesting. If someone reveals themselves to bring negativity or pain into your life on a consistent basis then you have decisions to make on how close you let them to you or if you keep them in your life at all. Meditation has become very mainstream in this country. I am a middle class, Protestant girl from NJ and meditation changed my life a decade ago. It is a practice not a religion so give it a try! You can get free guided meditations on itunes or my cd is for sale on this site! Good luck xo

  6. Hi Terri!
    I found this topic, and your insights, particularly helpful. Funny thing my husband and I just had an argument last night and I thought exactly that “Im so pissed…” “He owes me an apology!” Our argument had to do with the way he took something I said out of context and twisted my words into something completely opposite of what I intended to communicate to him. While reading your piece above, I realize that I don’t need to be offended by what he did. Instead I take away two things from our exchange: 1) maybe I need to do a better job of communicating clearly and/or 2) if he choses to interpret what I say in a negative fashion, make assumptions about what I mean, or not really listen (or ask me to clarify) to what I am saying then he is hurting himself and missing out on my good intentions to support him.

  7. It’s a daily practice to remind ourselves how powerful our thoughts and words are. Why do we give such power to other people and the words used when interacting with us? The focus and daily challenge is in allowing or not allowing negativity in. Keeping our awareness up and reminding ourselves and others to “no longer allow anyone to take away your joy”. I have been teaching my now eight year old daughter and six year old son how no one makes them angry or sad and to not base their happiness on someone else. It’s a choice they have. We all have choices and it’s important we start living our lives as we wish instead of placing what happens to us in other peoples hands. There is no blame or fault only responsibility for the choices we make and it is by changing our choices we change our path. Loved this tip Terri. Thank you!

  8. I understand I am giving power to the individual when I feel offended. What if the person is being a bully due to their own issues. How do you stop the offense? I am having problems getting past being treated like a door mat by owning my own issues and not being “allowed” to shut down the offense. This person I am pretty sure does not see the power of their words and this is a person I do not want to dismiss from my life, yet. They are a person that does have other valuable traits. I have not had anyone really answer that question. The theory would have us walking away from everyone.

    1. msprivatematters-
      When, why and if you walk away from someone is obviously exclusively your choice. None of this post was about not being ‘allowed’ to shut down the offense. I am always a fan of honest communication and perhaps you speaking directly and honestly with them will help them understand the pain their words are inflicting on you. Most of the time when people behave in a bullying manner it has everything to due with their own issues. The question you might ponder to determine how much access you grant this person to your inner life is, Are they willing to hear you? Will they care that you are in pain over your interaction with them? Will they be willing to attempt to change their behavior? The point of the post is to shine light on the fact that being offended does nothing to change your situation. As a therapist I know that we do not have full control over a visceral reaction but we do have the power to make choices.
      Good luck.

      1. I’m having a similar situation to msprivatematters about having to deal with someone who may intentionally do things to offend me in the hopes I’ll just crawl into a hole and disappear. I feel there is some professional jealousy on the other person’s part, not because I’m any better than that person (I’m not), but because that person sees me as a competitor who is trying to steal his/her thunder. I am an artist who is dedicated to the same cause as the other artist. I put my heart, soul, and tons of time into perfecting my artwork in the hopes of helping other beings who are featured in my artwork. When that other person takes my art and chops it up to suit his/her tastes without discussing wiith me first, I feel offended because that person KNOWS better than to alter a fellow artist’s work and knows how sensitive I am.

        I recognize my frustration is due to my own ego and I do my best to keep it in check. I will usually vent to someone who doesn’t know the person in question in the hopes of getting it out of my system so that I don’t react in a way that burns bridges. I just wish I could get a thicker skin so that nothing the other person does surprises me or upsets me and I can keep doing my charity work at the same facility he/she also works. I have stood up for myself once before, but the other person made me look like the bad person and threatened to keep me from being able to continue doing my charity work at that facility. I cannot speak up again because the other beings I am trying to help would suffer with one less person to assist them.

        I’m wondering if my problem isn’t both high and low ego? It seems to be mostly low ego, but I am a bit ambitious (wanting to grow and improve in my art while helping those in need) and sometimes do look for validation from others though I know I shouldn’t. I would love to get to a point where I don’t react at all though at least this person does not know how I am feeling because I am trying to pretend I didn’t even notice the latest offense.

        1. DD first I want to acknowledge and honor you for the charitable work you do. It sounds like you have a deep sense of self awareness and recognize that your frustration is causing you pain. That being said, if you want to stay you need to re-frame your mind about it. Decide that you are unoffendable and only create work there knowing it might be altered. Dial into the real reason you are there, and enjoy helping those you are truly there to service. Meditate on sending love to the person who has been provoking you. Clearly they are unhappy and if you focus on cutting the negative cord of energy between you, I believe the situation will resolve itself. Keep up the good work and have faith that what you focus on grows, so focus on the people you are helping and see what happens.

  9. Hello Terri,
    I love your writings and the expert manner of expression. I thought you would like to know
    that this site/subject – “Say Hello to Your Ego” – is linked on my website – http://www.LivePeaceIntoBeing.Org
    at the bottom of the “Education Cell’ (listed under Index on Home Page and on the ‘Peace Cells” Tab
    (Education Cell is listed here as well). Please do inform me if you ever remove this page from your
    site! It is a priceless offering … much appreciation and deep gratitude!
    Arvetta Souza, Founder/Adm.
    Live Peace Into Being

  10. Can’t tell you how grateful I am to have stumbled upon this site via FaceBook & grateful I signed up for emails. I’ll admit ~ I am the QUEEN of being offended ! And I just hate how negative it makes me ! Perhaps it was being raised in a house FULL of brothers or maybe its the panic thing I’ve had since, O, 17yrs old. The comments are VERY inspiring & is helping me to mirror myself… But I HAVE to ask,…. go figure ! 🙂 ……. At what point are you ignoring other people’s behavior versus ALLOWING people to be cruel? There does seem to be a fine line, especially in the society we’ve allowed ourselves to become. People are just so downright nasty & family members DO know how to push buttons ! Pollyanna ditched me years ago & I just can’t seem to find my way back ! Any suggestions would be really appreciated. Thank you Terri for a much needed light in my life !

    1. Barbara,
      Thank you for a great question! Not being offended does not mean to tolerate abuse. This is where drawing healthy boundaries comes into play. If someone is constantly critical or saying offensive things, you can choose to remove yourself from the conversation and simply say, I don’t like the way all of this negativity makes me feel so I am going to get some tea/take a walk/go home etc. If it is a family member and you don’t want to cut them off, if you start removing yourself when they act inappropriately they will notice and perhaps change. Either way you removing yourself from an offensive interaction is good for you. Try it and see what shifts! xo

  11. Hi Terri,
    I seem to have come across your article at the perfect time. Everything seems to offend and upset me at the minute. It is almost as though I have been going around looking for rejection in every interaction I have with others. I feel quite angry a lot of the time and then become snappy, irritable and less than compassionate towards others – then I feel extremely guilty and like i’m a terrible person. I have cut people off because I felt offended by something they said or did, which in hindsight was probably not the best way to handle the situation. I think that part of this comes from not feeling completely confident within myself and within my ability to communicate my needs and/or boundaries to others, so I keep people at a distance and then feel depressed and lonely – I need to find a better way to handle conflict and disagreements!

      1. Renee-
        Treat yourself with the kindness that you would a 5 year old child you love. Be kind and patient with yourself. Give of yourself generously to others in need. Make choices that make you proud. Be forgiving and have fun.
        The truth in you are nothing short of amazing since YOU my dear are the only you that ever was or ever will be. No other person has your exact DNA so embrace what makes you special and work on the things you would like to change.

    1. soozannah-
      i think your insight to why you have been offend-able is right on the money. work on loving yourself and being kind to you. think about starting a meditation practice which will buy you reaction time. your ego is all fear-your heart is all love. try to have a loving response even when someone else might be acting badly. it is lonely and exhausting being driven by fear-choose LOVE my friend. <3

  12. Terri: It really bugs me that my mother gets upset because people don’t tell her things. Case in point, she learned from my cousing that my aunt and uncle are going on a cruise next month. Since she found out from her and not from them, she has been going on and on about it, and how she doesn’t see what the big deal is. To me, it is nothing to be upset about. She says that she doesn’t begrudge them, they can afford it, they should go; and yet, she keeps on talking about it. She often become angry with me because I won’t share confidences that others have shared with me. When she finally finds out something, she’ll call me and say “I bet you knew–didn’t you. Hum, I guess I’m the only one who can’t know.” I feel when someone is going through something that it serves no purpose to inform people who will not be a part of the solution. I think that gossipping and I won’t do it. Also, trust is important to me. I hate it when she goes after me like this. What can I do besides try to ignore her…which also makes her angry? Thank, K

    1. Karen-
      Your instincts are great so keep up the good work! You can tell your mother lovingly and plainly that it is not your job to inform her of other people’s business. When she starts to go on or come after you, say, I am not having this conversation again but know that I love you so I am hanging up now. And then do it. If you are in person with her restate your position and if she acts mad-let her-but you continue to act normally. If she becomes too hostile again take yourself out of the situation. She will stop if you stop engaging but that is not why to do it. You stop engaging because it is unhealthy for you-period. <3

    1. Robin-
      It sounds like fear was the reason yo did not turn around. Instead of assuming he might not of known it was you since it had been so long or taking the initiative to say hello to him-your ego got bruised. You are human so forgive yourself and reach to the person if they are important to you and say you are sorry you did not say hello but felt bad that he had not said hello to you. Simple and easy. Just say you are sorry if you are and don’t if you are not.You can do it Robin!

  13. Dear Terri.
    I found your blog and I feel so happy. I finally feel that I can vent in the right place.
    I feel very offended that my bf insinuates that I’m snoopy in our own apartment!! We have lived together for more than 2 year by now. I made a mistake in the past by checking his phone and emails when we started to live together.I had my reasons but I confronted the situation and apologized since I knew it was a wrong bevahiour. He got very mad!!
    Cleaning and moving things. I found a lost video camera and I knew there were videotapes around, so I collected them and started to labeled them. I knew that in some of those I appeared since we made them. I came across old tapes where I didn’t appear instead ex’s where there. I know he is very disorganized and since I’m very sensitive stop watching and later asking him to check them. I mentioned that I saw some and that made me feel uncomfortable. He got super mad at me and bring up the fact that I always check his phone, email, etc.. That those are his stuff and that he feels that I’m just snooping around. I felt very offended by that. I am very confused because of his reaction. I’m a doing wrong? Why he car about secrecy than transparency. I feel that I’m a prisoner in my own house.

    Thanks for helping me!


    1. Loli-
      There is a lack of trust in the relationship and no matter how it got there it needs to be healed. I think it would help you to learn how to communicate effectively with your boyfriend. Sharing how having the tapes there made you feel. He was obviously seriously effected by your breach of trust in the beginning of the relationship and keeps going back to it. There is a great book by Harville Hendrix called Getting the Love You Want for couples. If you read it even if he doesn’t will really help you to understand your own behavior. I do not see it as right or wrong I see it as dysfunctional and not getting you what you want (harmony, love, freedom within the relationship) Therapy is always a good option and the fastest way to understand yourself which will make you feel empowered in your relationship. I hope this helped. I am glad you are here. <3

    1. Sahitha,
      Family is the hardest to deal with-especially if you are dependent on them. If you can gain insight into what buttons they push in you, and why you respond the way you do, you can choose something different. Family offense strategy is like a dance, they do this-you do that. If you change the dance by just deciding that no matter what is said or done you will let it roll off then at least you know your side of the street is clean. The real deal is that being offended does not change anything or solve anything so really there is no value in it for you. Try to have compassion for your family of origin and yourself and slowly but surely if you react less and respond more, things will get better. Thank you for your question, I am so happy you are here. xo

  14. So true, I’d seen your tweet and just checked your webisode…

    I super offendable especially when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend… When (vry few and rare occasions) when I can keep my ego in check – our relationship thrives… But then I get offended, misunderstand him and go as far as adding all the past faults to a small current offence to make my “rightness” even more right… I want him to be sorry – and by that time I am so worked up I dont even know how to calm down until I have a full on argument to vent – its almost by that time I have absolutely no control over my ego but it controls me like an erupting volcano that wont stop until all the energy has been drained….

    What is the best tip to nip it in the budd and does the “fight” with ego ever really stop or is it an ongoing concious battle (I ask this because my ego rears its ugly head on an almost unconcious level and very naturally – whereas staying calm is a concious effort which gives my ego an other quick ground to be right “why do I have to try so hard when I am right” – see what I mean 🙂 )

    If I could calmly state all my truths I would have a less stressful relationship which is what I want… Its an ongoing battle 🙁

    Thanks for this Terri


    1. G-
      Your awareness is the first step to changing it. I believe that creating internal sacred space by meditating daily will help you be less reactive and more responsive. Insecurity and lack of trust and the Fear/Ego/Mafia mind fuels the behavior you are describing. When we love someone and in life in general being ‘right’ is super over rated. When you have to choose being right or being loving choose being loving. Trust me your boyfriend is half of the dysfunctional dance you are doing so he will need to be on board with changing it as well. Therapy is also an awesome way to change more swiftly. I know you can do this. Just keep at it <3

  15. Hi Terri! This came at an awkward moment for me because I do indead have a situation with my teenage daughter where we go rounds with our words. We both must suffer from ego problems I guess. But as a parent, I dont want to back down, because I feel my point should be heard. And she doesnt back down either. It doesnt end up good and basically tends to get loud when this happens. I need to learn that by walking away from an escalating situation, it might save face in the end. If you have any pointers on HOW, in the heat of an arguement, to defuse it I would love to know.
    As always, Thank you or your wise words and input! You are an inspiration!

    1. Shelley-
      Teenagers are tough. Trust me I know. Try to remember that your daughter is separating and individuating from you and she acts angry and mouthy because it is painful. It is a normal and necessary part of growing up but sucks when yo are in the middle of it. Remember you are the grown up. No need to save face-always deescalate. Refuse to continue if it gets to hot. Just say we will revisit this when we cool off. Don’t put up with any real disrespect but expect an attitude because it is part of the phase of development. Don’t take it personally-remember that you love her all of the time even when she is acting like an idiot <3 Hope that helped. Sending you good vibes
      love love love

  16. Yes…sadly…I have found myself to be quite offend-able lately. There are so many things that I am dealing with that I am a bit on edge. The biggest thing for me now is learning forgive and let it go even when the behavoir that I find offensive continues, or at least the effects of it do. I have to keep envisioning it like water flowing off of a duck’s back. Thanks. Needed this one!!

    1. Kay-
      Try to disconnect yourself energetically from the offender. Focus on what is right and don’t take things personally. In reference to forgiveness I see it as releasing anger so you are free. I do not suggest staying in a close relationship with someone who hurts you. If it is a work situation and you are required to interact-so not give them the power to offend you because you do not love them so zip up your energy and put it somewhere that benefits you. Good luck. <3

  17. I’m just about unoffendable – but once in awhile something will “get” to me – then I know it’s time for me to take stock – What’s going on – what’s really going on deep inside – good reality check. Thanks for this weeks offering, Terri. Did you used to be Terri Cole Whittaker? Read your book “It’s none of your business what anyone else thinks of you!” Good book! Blessings –

  18. Hi Terri – I loved this tune-up tip. It is so true. I become so LESS offendable as I get older and realize it really doesn’t matter what people think of me, or what I say, or what I do. It can get a little sticky when it’s my husband that this is happening with, because when you live in such close quarters you sometimes tend to couch things a bit so you don’t ruffle feathers. But, what kind of authenticity is that? As long as you’re not being rude…
    On a separate note, I’d just like to say that I think you’re so incredibly poised, smart, articulate, and empowering. And I really love how you open each tune-up, with that cute: “well, hello!” Have a wonderful week, Robin

  19. Perfect timing. I woke up pissed off & have been highly “offended” for 5 days now. Someone who was becoming important to me screamed at, berated, insulted and hung up on me and yes; I most certainly DO feel I’m owed an apology. However, instead of responding in like kind–because this person was totally off-the-hook irrational; I initially tried to defuse the situation & told them that what they were justifying as “a reaction to something I’d said”; was of their own choosing.

    However, even though I never screamed or insulted back, my ultimate response was an old standby–which was caving to my need (in that moment) to banish this person from my life by blocking them from my phone & e-mail. I realize that I’m not exactly taking the high road here and that this is a punitive and defensive reaction. But I perceived this tirade (and this person right now) as toxic and crazy; and IT IS unacceptable for me to be spoken to in such a hostile manner. So by blocking, I won’t open myself up for a) More of the same b) Insult-to-injury because I’ll never know if this person didn’t immediately try to apologize–because they couldn’t if they wanted to & c) It’s my way of saying “f*** you, good-bye–you don’t get to do that and remain in my life”. All ego, I know.

    Obviously, I AM offendable–but what I truly am is hurt, and I don’t really want to banish this person forever. I also understand that this incident was really about this person’s own displaced rage and that they’ve recently suffered a great loss. However, since they seem incapable of sharing this insight right now, I can’t let compassion trump my own sanity and so I do need to distance myself.

    Anyway, what I’m taking from today’s blog is that I really need to release the grudge–and I thank you for pointing out that it’s an ego-oriented waste of energy.

    1. Daisy Mae-
      Thank you for sharing here. There is something to be said that is real about toxic or abusive relationship patterns so I am not totally Anti cutting people out when keeping them in your life means being abused. But I do understand that if this is a pattern for you then you want a better way to resolve conflict than cutting people out all together-that may come later but not as the Go To position.
      Being offendable in a situation with someone screaming at you is highly normal as you know. Deciding that you will not interact with anyone in that way for any reason and saying so before you hang up is a start. It is possible to say, “I hear you are upset but nothing good will come from a conversation when you are so hot so I am going to go and we can revisit this when cooler heads prevail.” Or something like that so you start to draw boundaries not motes around the way you will be treated by those in your life. Be gentle with yourself-this is a process and your awareness is the first step to change. You are doing great…slow and steady will get you there…you are on the right path <3

    2. That’s bitterness, I know it all to well, don’t let it take root and become a hiding spot to where we justify a hasty decision, I am in no way shape or form saying this to lesson the offense, but I’ve read ( believe me I know easier said than done) we should do good to them and wish them good and not evil and in doing so you will heap burning coals on their head. But I do know this from my experiences .. I’ve denied myself and joyfully served, I also later after knowing the Truth and well I add , turned with my then wife and chose the lie after knowing well and loving to help people, See I had been praying OVER and OVER for a spouse who as it seems now was only pretending. She hurt me bad , and my three children in a mental kinda way, seems my mistake was reading sum answered prayers wrong. I became angry returned to my old self foul mouthed, a short fuse and bitter to the core, The hard fact is sometimes we may never know why something has happened in our life, the only anger that is good anger is righteous anger that has been sanctified and channeled with sum help lol . What I’m saying is I’ve almost seen it all and done almost everything the Lord hates, the spirit is willing but our flesh is puny and weak and some more than others , given over to temptation. It’s not completely their fault , it could only be completely their fault if the tempter were not doing what he does best to broken people, he isolates them steals kills and destroys. See the Word tells us that ALL vengeance belongs to Him and He WILL repay. You can go ahead and get back at them to hurt them back, but wait, the Word also says not to rejoice over their calamity or His wrath will turn . Here’s something to think about and it applies to all of us, me maybe more than most, but I am reminded of when the adulterous woman who was caught in the act was brought before Jesus, I’ll stop there , I like to leave people hanging a lil so it might get um checking it out to see what Jesus said and did to that woman that would called a cheating whore in this day. Remember we must train to have a mind like Christ . I also am going through tough times as we speak with depression and things have nearly severed those relationships I hold dear , I welcome any prayers for me and family, . Oh that we could be blameless like Job and still say ” though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him. Sorry if I rambled on and on just hope you got something you needed out of it

  20. I am getting better at letting othes know when they offend me, I have to look at me first though, what is it about me that makes me feel that way, here is one, recently talking with a father about his son who has been in private school from the get go, my girls are not, he made the comment “well Heidi you got what you paid for”. in regards to my children’s education, saw red. here is the truth, it doesnt matter what he thinks of my children’s education, my ego came right to the top and it did not end well. there are times though that others could be more caring and stop talking.

    1. Heidi-
      Agreed but you always have a choice as to how you will respond. That comment came from insecurity which is what all arrogance stems from-even though it looks like something else. I have a few go to responses to defuse or deal with other people’s out of control ego. In that case I might just have looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Interesting…” or “Very telling…” ok so maybe that is not so healthy but it is empowering to not act offended even if your ego is offended. Your power is to know in the moment that that guy’s judgement of you is really about his own crap! Keep up the good work <3

  21. Terri you are spot on here! I so often don’t know how to tell someone they’ve offended me. I bury it until I can’t deal with it anymore and one slight sends me into fighting back and saying things I don’t really mean. How do you learn good communication skills, especially around anger? I grew up in a very hostile, abusive environment and hate fighting, and yet when I’ve finally had enough I revert to anger and hurtful responses. Thoughts?

    1. Sorry Cheryl, I posted this twice. I did not realize I could write back directly to you. I think you might also really like to take a class in Nonviolent Communication (NVC). There are books by Marshall Rosenburg and Jane Connor. But I found the classes (like evening workshops) where you interact with others and watch examples in a group setting (usually I hate group activities) but this was really good! Gave me a way to get clear about my thoughts and feelings, and helped me express them as well as my needs in ways that other people are receptive to and can hear me. If you google NVC or non violent communication, their nonprofit site will direct you to your local chapter. I have the books too, but I learn better in a hands on environment where I can see examples in action. It’s also nice to learn in the classes that everyone pretty much struggles with similar things. I would highly recommend checking out NVC in addition to the therapy that was suggested. It’s such a useful tool and a great way to be in the world and communicate with other people. It’s really good stuff! Best to you 🙂

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