Forgiveness frees YOUR heart @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

Are you a good forgiver? Do you even think about it enough to know? If you answered no to either of those questions this blog is for you. Forgiveness remains one of the most misunderstood concepts that I explore with clients. No matter how much I write or lecture about it I get the same question: They were wrong and hurt me so why should I forgive them?

Believe me when I say ‘Forgiveness is for YOU’ @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. ~ Buddha via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

You should forgive them because it will liberate you. Instead of viewing it as ‘forgiving,’ see it as releasing toxic emotions that will interfere with your future happiness. I think that description is more accurate. When we contemplate ‘forgiving’ someone the emphasis is on them. If we contemplate releasing ourselves from resentment prison, it becomes about us. I promise you, if you saw grudge holding for the masochistic act that it is, you would stop right now. It’s not about whether those who have wronged you ‘deserve’ your forgiveness, it’s that YOU don’t deserve to carry around the weight of what another has done. You deserve to feel the lightness that comes from learning whatever there is for you to learn about yourself from the experience and moving on.

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. @LouiseHay via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

When you stay focussed on how you have been wronged by whom, you block yourself from living in the here and now. If you have ever read anything from me before or follow me on social media then you know that I am a big fan of this present moment. You can’t fully experience your breath, the breeze or a kiss if you are endlessly ruminating on past injuries.

Don’t let THEN obstruct NOW. @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

The path to forgiveness can be quite simple, but isn’t not always easy. My clients, and many of you, often ask how to forgive. While the process can be different for each person I often suggest starting with journaling and meditation. Write down what happened and how you felt, totally unedited and have it witnessed by an empathic friend. Then with the willingness to forgive, close your eyes and become centered. Once you are feeling grounded and connected to your breath, bring to mind the person you want to forgive. Visualize the negative energetic cord that still connects you to them and then visualize it being cut and that person floating gently away from you, until you can no longer see them. Silently repeating; I forgive you, I release you, I am free. Feel the feelings of freedom and space that have been created.

Go through this process slowly in a way that feels safe for you. Deciding to liberate yourself can bring up painful memories so be gentle with yourself and if you need help be sure to reach out for professional guidance. There is a guided Forgiveness to Freedom meditation on my Meditation Transformation CD if you need a little help getting started.

There is no right way to forgive, all that matters is that you do @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

Now I want to hear from you. Below please share your stories of forgiveness along with your intentions to forgive. Please don’t waste another moment of your precious, beautiful life on grudges and grievances. Now is the time and here is the support you need to take the necessary steps towards the freedom and peace you deserve.

As always, take care of you

Love Love Love

 

Terri

 

*image courtesy of Matt Stangis

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  1. While I find myself able to forgive individuals, I have trouble with forgiveness when it comes to large groups. How can I forgive entities such as my government which has not only disadvantaged others but myself directly as well? Unwarranted arrest, beaten, convicted with no evidence, and it doesn’t stop there, all because I tried to make a psychiatrist appointment.

    I have since been proactive, moved across the country and actively pursued my dreams with minimal fruition, but still get little support when sharing my story. In a way, the nonchalance of individuals about my struggles keeps me from being able to feel victorious when objectively I could. How does forgiveness come into play for me?

    How do I simply just get the fuck over what happened to me, terrible things that others continue to endure every day?

    1. Thank you for sharing here. I have no doubt you are not the only person struggling with making the distinction between situations that are appropriate for forgiveness and those that are not. Systematic abuse of power along with physical abuse and emotional abuse from a government as you have described is about trauma not forgiveness. Honoring your experience by processing it properly with a skilled trauma therapist will release some of your anger and pain around what happened to you. Finding a way to heal yourself and then share your story with others so that you might lesson their suffering or represent hope for someone who has lost their own-may also be part of your Dharma or purpose in life. If I believed that anyone could just ‘get over’ traumatic experiences I probably wouldn’t be a therapist 😉 One thing I know for sure, my dear, is that you deserve to be free of the pain that this experiences have caused. Once you honor your own experience -you will be drawn to more supportive people. Don’t give up-you matter and your story is important xo

  2. ♥…in NonViolent Communication, the belief is “All Communication is a Please or a Thank You, with a request for Connection or Action”, and like you said “Engaging in ‘enemy imagery'(image of another persons wrongness), is like poisoning our glass, taking a drink, and burning down our house”, so for me there actually isn’t anything to Forgive, just me seeing the Gift through the ‘unattractive wrapping paper’ 😉

    Thanks for the Philosophical Aerobics T!

  3. Dear Terri, I really enjoyed your Tip on Forgiveness. I had written a song called, “The Forest Of Forgiveness” and had tried to share some feelings about this in it – I hope you enjoy it. https://soundcloud.com/morshuk-music/the-forest-of-forgiveness
    Based around personal emotions and St. Francis and trying to do good by getting my ego out of the way – leads to more light! In a way, out of the forest ~ but if I’m in there, I can do good and feel compassion and empathy and be forgiving – ultimately, I feel better and I’m hopeful the other person I forgave is, too.

    1. Hi Michael, I love so much that you shared this with me. I love the message behind the song – forgiveness leads to light. It’s wonderful that you can go to music to express your personal experience and emotions. Keep rockin’!

  4. I think I’m good at forgiving others, actions, circumstances, generally…not so much when it comes to forgiving myself. I have recently been feeling the edges of my own limiting self beliefs and I wonder if I haven’t forgiven (released) something I thought I had…it is not a lack of wanting to forgive…

    1. Franca most often it’s forgiving yourself that is hardest. Try incorporating small daily acts of self love into your routine, something that feels special and good to you. Show yourself you are worthy and forgive yourself for not being where you think you ‘should’ be. When a limiting belief comes to mind forgive yourself for having that though and flip the script with a more loving message. xo

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