Are you a good forgiver? Do you even think about it enough to know? If you answered no to either of those questions this blog is for you. Forgiveness remains one of the most misunderstood concepts that I explore with clients. No matter how much I write or lecture about it I get the same question: They were wrong and hurt me so why should I forgive them?
You should forgive them because it will liberate you. Instead of viewing it as ‘forgiving,’ see it as releasing toxic emotions that will interfere with your future happiness. I think that description is more accurate. When we contemplate ‘forgiving’ someone the emphasis is on them. If we contemplate releasing ourselves from resentment prison, it becomes about us. I promise you, if you saw grudge holding for the masochistic act that it is, you would stop right now. It’s not about whether those who have wronged you ‘deserve’ your forgiveness, it’s that YOU don’t deserve to carry around the weight of what another has done. You deserve to feel the lightness that comes from learning whatever there is for you to learn about yourself from the experience and moving on.
When you stay focussed on how you have been wronged by whom, you block yourself from living in the here and now. If you have ever read anything from me before or follow me on social media then you know that I am a big fan of this present moment. You can’t fully experience your breath, the breeze or a kiss if you are endlessly ruminating on past injuries.
The path to forgiveness can be quite simple, but isn’t not always easy. My clients, and many of you, often ask how to forgive. While the process can be different for each person I often suggest starting with journaling and meditation. Write down what happened and how you felt, totally unedited and have it witnessed by an empathic friend. Then with the willingness to forgive, close your eyes and become centered. Once you are feeling grounded and connected to your breath, bring to mind the person you want to forgive. Visualize the negative energetic cord that still connects you to them and then visualize it being cut and that person floating gently away from you, until you can no longer see them. Silently repeating; I forgive you, I release you, I am free. Feel the feelings of freedom and space that have been created.
Go through this process slowly in a way that feels safe for you. Deciding to liberate yourself can bring up painful memories so be gentle with yourself and if you need help be sure to reach out for professional guidance. There is a guided Forgiveness to Freedom meditation on my Meditation Transformation CD if you need a little help getting started.
Now I want to hear from you. Below please share your stories of forgiveness along with your intentions to forgive. Please don’t waste another moment of your precious, beautiful life on grudges and grievances. Now is the time and here is the support you need to take the necessary steps towards the freedom and peace you deserve.
As always, take care of you
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Matt Stangis