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Are you managing other people’s feelings more than you’re managing your business? Are you doing tasks that drain you because you don’t know how to delegate without guilt? Or you don’t trust people to do it right? Are you walking on eggshells around your own team?

If you’re a woman in a position of power, creating healthy boundaries at work can be challenging. You may feel mean or selfish. But disordered boundaries don’t just make you tired; they can also cap your success.

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How to Be More Successful by Having Better Boundaries at Work

Why Boundaries Feel Selfish at Work

Why do we feel guilty about setting limits at work? Part of why is due to socialization and conditioning. We’ve been taught that being a good woman means being accommodating, flexible, and understanding. And yes, those qualities matter in a leader as well, but not at the expense of the business running well.

When I was a young therapist starting to have people on my team, I didn’t know how to differentiate the way I treated my team from the way I would treat my family or friends. I was bringing a relational framework from my personal life into a professional context where it absolutely did not serve me.

People’s emotional baggage, their family problems, and their relationship problems were impacting what was happening in the workplace. I had a friend call me about someone on her team who came back from maternity leave with postpartum depression. The rest of the team was walking on eggshells around her. I asked my friend why she was not having a direct conversation, and she said, “I feel compassion for her, and I know what she is going through.” She eventually dealt with it, but her empathy and projection made it harder for her to handle straight away.

As women, there’s often an expectation that we will prioritize other people’s feelings above everything else, but that’s not the way to run a successful business. You can be kind and expect people to take responsibility for their behavior, which is where the boundaries come in.

Where Disordered Boundaries Show Up at Work

Client Communication

Client communication can be fraught with unclear boundaries if you’re not telling your clients how or when to contact you, or when you’ll get back to them. Not managing expectations effectively sets everyone up to fail.

You have to be proactive. As you onboard the client, let them know precisely what they can expect. That includes the hours you work, the best way to be in touch, and your response time. These details prevent so much friction and resentment down the line.

Time and Calendar Management

Often, if you’re not protecting your time appropriately, you don’t set aside any time for strategic thinking or planning. You can get stuck in a loop of reactive tasks. This is not optimal, especially if you’re trying to scale your business.

You need time to be creative. I read this book called The Net and The Butterfly that talks about how your unconscious brain, or your genius lounge as they call it, can start working on problems while you sleep. Before writing the Too Much book, I would think about the order of chapters before bed, then sleep, and by the time I sat down to write the next day, the answers would come.

It’s also important to populate your calendar with your days off, time to eat, time to exercise, or anything you actually want to do. For me, if it is not in my calendar, it does not exist. You have to be the boss of your time.

Team Boundaries

Teach your team to take ownership. The difference between someone just reporting data versus someone actually taking ownership of growing that piece of the business.

On my team, if there’s a problem, the person cannot just bring it to the meeting. You need to bring a problem and one or two solutions. This sets the stage for how issues will get solved.

Money Boundaries

Women in particular can struggle with money boundaries. Charging appropriately and not overdelivering. If you are a people pleaser, you may feel compelled to overgive if the other person feels entitled.

This is where scope creep kills your profitability. A client asks for “just one more thing,” and you say yes. Before you know it, you’ve done twice the work for the same price by not setting a boundary.

This is why we have contracts or agreements, so you’re absolutely clear about the scope. If you are an artist, you may say that two revisions are included. More than two get billed at a particular rate. Because if you don’t warn people upfront, it’s tough to back bill.

Money boundaries need to be transparent from the beginning. When are they paying? How are they paying? How much upfront?

The Energy Audit

Do an energy audit. What drains you and what sustains you? Then ask: Does this have to be done? Does it have to be done now? And does it have to be done by me?

Your energy is vital if you’re running the show. You don’t want to be bleeding energy by micromanaging or doing things someone else can do better.

I’ve seen high-functioning codependent clients micromanaging everything, absolutely exhausted, drained, and bitter. They’re mad that others aren’t stepping up, but they don’t see their part in preventing others from stepping up.

When you let others support you, you become more creative. If you can’t invest in a full-time assistant, consider hiring a part-time virtual assistant or an intern. It’s incredible how much more productive you can be with the proper support.

Managing Emotional Labor

How much emotional labor are you doing? When are you managing other people’s feelings?

These are essential questions to answer because running your own business is not a popularity contest. As I like to say about my business, it is not a democracy. It is a benevolent dictatorship. 😉

Of course, I consider my employees’ thoughts and feelings. But their thoughts and feelings are not prioritized over my own, because I’m legally responsible for the decisions I make for the company.

Tech Boundaries

How are you managing your notifications and digital access? The bigger your business gets, the more there is to manage. From the start, you need best practices to protect your focus.

You should not be getting social media notifications. Even if you have a Facebook group and you’re launching something, it shouldn’t be you managing it.

Look at what pulls you away from being focused. Tech boundaries are so important. Not having them is damaging to your business, your relationships, your sense of self, and your brain. You have to manage it and not have it manage you.

Responsibility Boundaries

Be clear about what is yours to execute and what isn’t. If you feel compelled to micromanage all things, you limit your growth potential because there are only so many hours in the day.

The Bottom Line

Better boundaries don’t make you a bad boss. They make you a better leader. They make your business more sustainable and you less resentful.

Start with one area. Pick the boundary issue causing you the most pain. Is it client communication? Calendar management? Emotional labor? Start there. Make one change.

You don’t have to fix everything at once. But you do have to start somewhere.

Go here for the free guide for ideas to implement this stuff. I hope this helped you think about your boundaries with work. As always, take care of you.

Q: Why do I feel guilty setting boundaries at work as a woman in leadership?

Socialization and conditioning. We’ve been taught that being a good leader means being accommodating, flexible, and understanding. And yes, those qualities matter, but not at the expense of the business running well. When you’re a woman, there’s this expectation to feel like you have to care about the way people feel above everything else. The problem is that when you bring a relational framework from your personal life into a professional context, it doesn’t serve you or the business. You can be kind, but people have to take responsibility for their behavior, which is where boundaries come in.

Q: How do I stop overdelivering and giving away free work to clients?

This is where scope creep kills your profitability. A client asks for “just one more thing,” and you say yes. Before you know it, you’ve done twice the work for the same price. But you didn’t set the boundary. This is why you need contracts or agreements, so you’re super clear about the scope. If you are an artist, two revisions are included. More than two get billed at this rate. Because if you don’t warn people upfront, it’s really hard to back bill. Money boundaries need to be crystal clear from the beginning: when are they paying, how are they paying, and how much upfront.

Q: How do I know if I’m micromanaging my team or if things really need to be done by me?

Ask yourself three questions about every task: Does this have to be done? Does it have to be done now? And does it have to be done by me? High-functioning codependent people often micromanage everything while being absolutely exhausted, drained, and bitter. They’re mad that others aren’t stepping up, but they don’t see that they’re not letting people step up. If it has to be you doing everything, it is unlikely you will successfully scale your business. Get really clear about what is yours and what isn’t. When you let others support you, you become more creative.

Q: How do I protect my time and stop being in reactive mode all day?

When you’re not protecting your time appropriately, you don’t put in any time for strategic thinking or strategic planning. You’re just doing reactive tasks. You need your days off built into your calendar. Food time, walking time, anything you actually want to do. If it is not in your calendar, it does not exist. If someone else has access to your calendar, they’ll just be putting things in that you may or may not want. You have to be the boss of your calendar. Without strategic thinking time, you’re just doing reactive tasks, which is exhausting, and you never get ahead.