Do you think some folks are just lucky in love?
Has finding true love felt like a lifelong struggle for you?
Are you in a relationship that you know could be more loving and satisfying, but don’t know how to get there?
If any of these resonate with you, this episode is for you. I’m giving you six tips to attract and create more good, healthy, vibrant love in your life – whether you’re single or partnered. Because you deserve it, my friend.
Prefer the audio? Listen here.
We are talking about love because as a psychotherapist of 25 years, I believe there are things people do and don’t do that directly impact the quality of love in their lives.
Whether you are single or not, you can almost always have more self-love in your life, right? This leads us to our first tip…
Tip #1: Up Your Self-Love, Regardless of Your Romantic Situation
Self-love is the only path to true love (according to me).
Our relationship with ourselves sets the bar for every other relationship in our life.
The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is your relationship with yourself. And that relationship directly correlates to the quality of your life, which is why it’s important.
In the guide, which you can download here, I give you journal prompts for each of these six tips. If you aren’t sure how to up your self-love, I invite you to dive into the prompts and see what you discover.
Here is one self-love exercise: can you think of three things you love about yourself? Take a moment to write down and ponder those three things before moving on.
Tip #2: Be Open and Receptive to Love
When we have bad experiences with love, we often close ourselves off energetically as a result. Even our body language might say we are closed off.
If you feel like your heart might be closed to love, or you are in a relationship where you limit how close you get with your partner because of bad past experiences, you might want to unpack and process these experiences. The only way to inspire more or better love in your life is to be open to it.
And there is so much love in the world. Think about it: in a way, we are almost always exchanging energy with others. If you go through life in a closed-off way, you don’t benefit from the good energy and feelings that come with being more present by, for example, noticing and smiling at a stranger.
Tip #3: Take Care of Yourself Physically and Emotionally
It is crucial for us to be physically and emotionally well if we want to attract a healthy relationship.
I am not saying you cannot attract healthy love if you have a chronic illness. I am saying, to the best of your ability, prioritize rest, sleep, hydrating, moving your body, and eating healthy foods.
These considerations might seem disconnected from attracting or creating healthy love, but they’re not, because it all begins and ends with you.
Tip #4: Clarify Your Own Relationship Goals
What are you seeking from a relationship?
Do you want a casual love relationship? A casual hookup situation? A serious, committed relationship?
There is nothing wrong with whatever you want, but if you want to create it, you need to know what it is.
Additionally, you might have some unconscious, limiting beliefs causing you to feel a certain way about love or relationships.
For years, when I was single and dating, I was ambivalent about getting into a long-term relationship. As soon as the person I was with wanted to take it to the next level, I ended the relationship.
Later, I discovered through therapy, I held the unconscious belief that getting married meant the death of my dreams. 👀
This was something I experienced in my family of origin because this is what happened to my mother. She grew up pretty poor and worked in a factory for two years to save up for college. She was excited when she got accepted into a good college, and just months into her first semester, she got pregnant with my oldest sister and dropped out.
My mother didn’t tell me this in a “cautionary tale” type of way, but I had this limiting belief in my unconscious mind fueling this fear I had about losing my autonomy in a relationship.
This is why clarifying what you want and having a deeper understanding of yourself is important. We can say we want something, but if we don’t analyze and understand the unconscious beliefs we have, we may not know why we want it.
I hope to inspire you to do a deep dive to avoid your unconscious limiting beliefs blocking you from creating what you really want in your life. If this is something you are curious about, download the guide and go through the journal prompts to cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself.
Tip #5: Effective Communication and Boundaries
If we do not know how to effectively communicate how we feel and what we want, especially early on, we end up in relationships where our needs go unmet. Where we feel unknown and unseen.
Communicating is something you can learn to do better, even if it is uncomfortable. It’s like learning a new language. But you have to want to do it and be willing to put in the effort.
Think about it: when you have to draw a boundary or set a limit, are you able to effectively communicate your needs? Or do you stay silent?
In my twenties, I wasn’t able to set limits or draw boundaries. Instead, I communicated passive-aggressively.
Here’s the thing I learned in my many years as a psychotherapist: as human beings, we can only talk things out or act things out.
Anything you don’t talk out, you will generally act out, which is usually not in the highest good for the relationship. Learning how to be a better communicator and how to set boundaries early and often can help you effectively talk things out.
Tip #6: Have an Attitude of Gratitude
Gratitude is a legit vibe. It can change the energetic vibrations that leave your body.
And what happens when those vibrations go out into the world? I believe our energy hooks like or similar energy.
If you are super grateful, you will hook into experiences, people, and situations that bring you even more reasons to be grateful.
Here is a simple nightly ritual you can do with your partner or in your journal: name three things you are grateful for, as well as your favorite moment of the day.
When you do this, you train your unconscious mind to look for more things to be grateful for. This is an important practice because we remember negative things five times more readily than positive things. Focusing on what is good and building your gratitude muscles helps you overcome this negativity bias.
The More Love Meditation Experience
Love might seem magical – like the stars need to align for you to be in the right place at the right time…which is not true. It all starts with how you relate to yourself.
There is almost always something you can do to treat yourself in a more loving way to elevate your love vibe.
Even if you want better love in your relationships, it all begins and ends with you.
Since many of you asked me about love and told me about your struggles with love, I created my free More Love Meditation Experience directly from your feedback.
It features 10 days of brand-new guided meditations, which I love, along with daily affirmations and tools to help make 2023 your year of epic love. ♥️
To sign up, go to terricole.com/mlme. We start on February 1st!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being with me today. I hope you have an amazing week creating more and better love, and as always, take care of you.