Do you believe you are where you are because of someone else?  Do you find yourself blaming others for your pain and disappointment? This is a common occurrence and how the ego mind works. When someone does or says something that causes pain, you may blame them for how they ‘made’ you feel. You may even blame people you barely know for your bad mood, time you may have wasted, money you lost, or an opportunity you missed out on.

Any of this sound familiar? This is the way most people, operate. Though, in reality, it is not an effective way of solving problems or creating the life you want. Blaming others does not make you successful or even make you feel good. It simply keeps you stuck and is an excuse for inaction.

The common denominator in all of the circumstances of your life, is you. Figuring out why you continue to attract a bad boyfriend, mean boss or bitchy best friend is where true empowerment begins. It can be challenging to take responsibility, because in fact you may have been wronged, treated poorly, cheated on, manipulated, or worse. I am suggesting you take responsibility for what you make the experience mean and what you do next. And yes, we can talk about how terrible those experiences were and honor that pain, but many get stuck there. In every circumstance you face, you have the choice to stay in a victim position, or to learn and step out of it. It is when you take responsibility for your thoughts, expectations, and choices, that you can begin to change your life circumstances and your relationships.

When you STOP blaming others, you START becoming EMPOWERED @Terri_Cole  {CLICK TO TWEET}

When you can begin to connect to the way you want things to be rather than the way they should be or how they have been, you can begin to design a life around your vision. This means you may have to make some very difficult choices about who stays, and who goes. You may change jobs, move cities, or end relationships. Yet you will recognize that in all of this, you are in charge. You’ll see that in all of your old circumstances, the only person keeping you there was you.

You can learn to take control of your life rather than being at the effect of it. When you do you’ll feel more empowered, inspired, and committed to create a life that is filled with healthy relationships, meaningful work, and more joy. This is a simple, yet profound truth can make all the difference in how you live your life.

Now in the comments below I want to hear from you. Share with me one example of a situation where you now see, that is was in fact you keeping yourself stuck, causing yourself pain, or creating expectations for others. I always love hearing from you.

Have a wonderful week and as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love




*image courtesy of S.Tore

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  1. I’m currently in my last dysfunction friendship I have left. I’ve been in an on off friendship with this person for 40 yrs! I have the disease to please. I allow her to drain my energy and have a hard time effectively telling her my truth. That I’m not doing what is for both of our higher good. I’m stuck and fear comes up for me when I think about it. Thanks…

    1. Sossi,
      Thank you for being here and sharing what you are dealing with. Your friend no doubt represents an unresolved earlier relationship in your life, with someone’s whose disapproval you feared. If you can figure out who that was (most likely a parent or older sibling) and heal that original experience with the help of a therapist or counselor, you may feel less conflicted and afraid about being honest with this particular friend. You said you were doing it for both of your highest good but I will ask you to only stick to your side of the street and to start to really think about what is best for YOU! Because that is a good enough reason to do any and everything in your life. I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to stay on this path…you are doing great (just by being here, recognizing and writing a comment!) xo

  2. I do understand the blame thing…but it was him who broke up with me. So why can’t I blame the pain of what he’s done to me? It’s been a heart-wrenching shock and completely unexpected breakup, because he needs time alone to figure out if he CAN be alone. So I’m having a hard time with what he’s done to me and I’m feeling stuck. It’s been more than 3 months into a breakup (after 3 years together) and I’m trying to move forward with my life. It’s just a difficult and painful process of fear and rejection.

    1. Jackie,
      I feel you and am sorry you are suffering. I am not saying you can’t blame him, I am saying there is nothing in it for you TO blame him. You can process your shock and pain with a therapist or counselor but what is valuable to you in all of this is understanding your part in the break up so you can learn more about you. Why didn’t you see it coming? Where there signs that you ignored? Is this a repetition from your past? Was there a betrayal like this in your parents marriage? This is not to say that you brought it on yourself or that it is your fault. It is to say that there is so much that you can learn about yourself from the break up if you are brave enough to look and when we blame the other person the learning stops there. I understand the difficulty of being on this end of a sudden break up-know that I am sending you soothing vibes and clarity this very moment. xo

  3. Yes, yes, yes! Ugh! So frequently do I find myself blaming someone (usually my unsuspecting husband) or something for the way I feel when I’m frustrated. I catch myself playing the blame game, but I don’t always do something about it. I can identify my part sometimes, especially when grunting over the slow car in front of me when I’M THE ONE who’s running late! But when it comes to dear hubby, I have a long way to go in taking ownership. Is there a mantra you’d recommend? A little phrase to put me back on track?

    Thanks for this blog, it’s the first one I’ve read so far and it really is a wake up. ☺

    1. Well then Welcome Doriane!
      Your desire to do it better is half of the battle so don’t give up. Becoming mindful enough to observe your own behavior in every situation really helps end the blame game. In order to be ‘awake’ in your life you need internal space which buys you time to RESPOND instead of REACT. Meditating and mindfulness breathing exercises can really help. I have a Meditation CD avail on the site, which is easy and all you need to do is press play and sit for ten minutes (I do the rest LOL!) A good mantra is, Nothing is happening TO me, All is happening FOR me or if you have an issue with rushing around like a nut, try, I have more than enough time to get it all done with ease and grace. Everything falls into place. And really just taking a minute or two during the day every 3 to 4 hours to stop and ground yourself in the present moment by breathing deeply for 30 seconds to a minute while saying your mantra will do wonders. Just set your phone alarm and try it! Let me know how you do xo

      1. My, oh, my! Thank you so much!!! The mantras you offer are true gifts and will give me room to grow in so many areas in my life right now. I will get the CD as soon as I can and utilize the mantras starting now! Thank you, Terri!!! (I do rush around like a nut, too.)

  4. Terri
    Out of all the billions of people in the world I think you are talking to ME….how is that for EGO! I often feel disappointed, unfulfilled and lack motivation and yes, blame others or think up a reason for not doing things. When I am motivated…..well I am unstoppable, productive and if I may say, BRILLIANT. My husband and I have recently had a change in circumstances and lost everything we had worked hard for 30 years. With our shared experiences and skill set we have secured good jobs and are now starting over. In some ways this is very liberating as we have been forced to change our views and desires. Back to BLAME….why do I want to blame my husband , or others around me? I feel so stuck, so lazy, so worthless. I know I have everything inside to change but can’t move forward.

    1. Helen,
      Thanks for your note and yes i was talking directly to you! I have also been through an experience with my husband of major $$ loss which impacted what we both needed to do to stabilize our situation. A trauma like that needs to be mourned and processed. Things change and in order to embrace what is right about the change and maximize the opportunity that is before you both, you must process what happened. Resist the quick fix of blame, although it can be very seductive, because in the end it will not serve either of you. It’s your life so take that brilliant mind and create something amazing!! Sending you great energy xo

  5. You are right, I have always been in charge of my own life, but have given my power to people who have
    misused it. It is over now, things are changing and new circumstances are around, thank God!!!

  6. I keep myself in an extremely exhausting relationship because I need help with the kids due to a medical condition. I am wondering when I will actually just do it. Sounds exciting but very scary. Thanks for the wonderful inspirations,

    1. Kristie,
      When the time is right you will know. It will reach a tipping point where you will HAVE to figure out something else and then you will. I am sending you tons of brave energy! You can do it xo

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