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“Narcissists, who need all the attention, need someone who is deferential, patient, giving, afraid to say no, emotionally and psychologically pliable. The match is perfect. The only way you can change this pattern is to understand your responsibility.” – Ross Rosenberg


Today I’m talking with repeat guest Ross Rosenberg. Ross is an expert in pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. He is also the CEO of the Self Love Recovery Institute. We talk about how codependency, which he calls self-love deficit disorder, attracts narcissists, and why a codependent-narcissist relationship is so damaging. Then, he walks us through the steps to healing, from first reaching out for help to finally living a self-love abundant lifestyle.


  • 02:35 How Ross became an expert on narcissism
  • 05:13 Understanding the magnetism between narcissists and codependents
  • 07:33 Breaking out of the codependent-narcissist dance
  • 11:25 Distinguishing healthy limerence from codependency
  • 11:46 The stages of recovery from codependency
    • 14:58 Reaching out for help
    • 15:14 Learning about yourself
    • 15:35 Understanding your addiction
    • 16:10 Recognizing gaslighting
    • 16:43 Building community
    • 16:58 Preparing for the narcissistic storm and setting boundaries in a hostile environment
    • 21:08 Healing the inner trauma child
    • 22:04 Achieving self-love abundance
    • 22:52 Taking self-love abundance into a healthy mutual relationship
    • 23:10 The cure: Living a self-love abundant lifestyle
  • 24:35 How your relationship template can set you up for unhealthy love
  • 26:15 What makes a relationship “trauma bonded”?

Connect with Ross Rosenberg:

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. Ross’s “Codependency Cure™ Treatment Program provides innovative and results-oriented treatment.

His expert educational and inspirational seminars have earned him international acclaim, including his 21 million YouTube video views and 230K subscribers. In addition to being featured on national TV and radio, his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 138K copies and are in 9 languages. Ross provides expert testimony/witness services.

Ross Rosenberg is SLRI’s primary trainer. He is the consummate mental health educator. His advanced education, advanced clinical certifications, and more than 30 years of professional work experience enable him to create, produce and provide compelling and life-changing seminars. Ross’s seminars simultaneously resonate with the layperson and professional.

Ross is also an accomplished international professional trainer and keynote speaker, working in 30 US states (70 cities) and abroad. His seminars are like no other, as they are as entertaining as they are informative. His sense of humor and personal vulnerability disclosures of his own recovery journey adds a sense of integrity to his work. He interacts with the audience from his heart and his mind. He is as much a psychotherapist and professional educator, as he is a fellow traveler on the path of personal, relational, and emotional recovery.

He designs his seminars (videos) to have maximum impact on all individuals, regardless of their education level or professional standing. Professional audiences consistently give Ross’s seminars high marks, as the information often applies to their job/clinical practice, as well as to their understanding of their own mental health.

Ross’s latest “Codependency Cure™” work, like The Human Magnet Syndrome, breaks new ground in the mental health field. This groundbreaking work reformulates, redefines, and ultimately renames “codependency” to “Self-Love Deficit Disorder™.” His original theories and concepts, such as the “Relationship Compatibility Theory,” The 11 Stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program,” “The Observe Don’t Absorb Technique,” and many others, have reshaped what we know about codependency, codependency recovery, narcissism, dysfunctional relationships, and narcissistic abuse.

Visit to find all of Ross’s self love resources and projects.

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

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