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“We’re so zoomed in constantly to our own subjective experience that we forget there’s an entire world out there — billions of realities.” – Africa Brooke


Intro

I’m so excited for you to tune into this juicy chat I had with my girlfriend Africa Brooke. She’s a globally recognized coach, consultant, thinker, and writer who specializes in helping people overcome self-censorship and other forms of self-sabotage. I met her through a virtual event on empowerment. She was the speaker right after me, and I was just blown away by what she shared and what she talked about. I think you guys are going to love her work too.


Highlights:

    • 03:12 What drew Africa to the topic of self-censorship and the self-sabotage that comes along with it?
    • 07:48 The 3 pillars of moving from self-censorship to authentic self-expression
    • 11:28 Self-expression sometimes requires conflict
    • 13:06 Mindful speech
    • 18:16 The trap of seeing self-censorship as a social agreement
    • 20:12 How anonymity breeds collective sabotage
    • 24:48 Giving yourself the permission slip to think and speak for yourself
    • 35:44 How Africa overcame her most challenging boundary struggle

Connect with Africa Brooke

Africa Brooke is a globally recognized coach, consultant, thinker, and writer who specializes in helping people move through self-censorship and other forms of self-sabotage.

Find her live videos and podcasting on Instagram, or check out her other work on her website.



Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

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  1. I have listened to your podcast for years and would like to ask for some advice!

    I am a 25 year-old heterosexual woman who is navigating her way through dating without doing online dating. I’ve had casual relationships but never a long-term boyfriend. I am independent, intelligent, highly functioning, and very much a perfectionist; I have done a lot of therapy and work on myself to become aware of my patterns.

    I’ve started seeing this new guy that I met through friends. We’ve been on 3 dates and have hung out in a group setting 4 times. He’s probably the “best guy” I’ve ever dated since I usually hookup with a guy and then get to know them. He’s thoughtful, caring, respectful, reliable, and a great match for me… on paper. We are super compatible and I am able to be myself around him, but I don’t feel anything towards him physically, sexually, and maybe even emotionally.

    He is attractive but he’s not the typical guy I go for. I usually hook up with a guy and then get to know them (not good, I know!). I typically go for the bad boy, emotionally unavailable, good looking, intense sexual and emotional chemistry. Anyway, our first kiss was terrible and it completely turned me off of him. I decided to be open minded and give it another chance and on the next date, we were making out; he was very into it and I just kept thinking when can this be over. Full transparency – his physical touch and kisses make me cringe and is literally painful; he is not skilled in that area at all, even though he’s had previous girlfriends. I am a highly sexual person, so good sexual and physical intimacy is important to me, and I don’t know why I don’t want to be sexual with him. I am very good at communicating what I like and don’t like, but with him I feel like I can’t tell him. I am trying to not repeat my patterns of dating unavailable men, and am struggling on whether to wait a bit longer to see if the physical chemistry will come or let things go now so that I don’t lead him on.

    He’s exactly what I want – he checks all the “healthy” relationship boxes – but he’s not who I want. He treats me how I want to be treated, but I don’t want it to be coming from him. I don’t feel anything. Maybe I’m not into him it’s because he chose me and I didn’t pursue him ? Thoughts?

    I guess my main questions are 1) should I wait to see if chemistry will come? 2) how to know if compatibility will outweigh chemistry if there is no chemistry at all.

    Thank you for taking the time to read through my question. I appreciate and am looking forward to your response!

    1. Hi there!
      Thank you for being a listener and asking such a thought-provoking question. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and understand your wants, needs and desires. This is a GREAT place to be in. In terms of your current situation, I think you should ask yourself some questions before making the decision. Do you think you could tell him what you want sexually and feel fulfilled if he’s able to give that to you? Meaning, do you think you’d be able to develop interest in him? It sounds to me like you are not interested altogether, but you want yourself to be. Why is that? What is your fear if you don’t continue to date him? Or on the flip side, what’s the worst case scenario if you do decide to continue to give him a chance? These aren’t questions I can answer for you, but I think if you sit with them or discuss it in therapy, you will better understand where your head is at and what the right move is for you. I’m sending you good vibes and a clear mind ❤️

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